Why hasn't he filed divorce?
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Why hasn't he filed divorce?

I needed and still need a sense of direction with the situation I am facing within my marriage.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years going on to 4 within two weeks, with two children under the age of 3, although he has been absent from the home since Thanksgiving night 2011. He has moved all his belongings out of our home. He has stated numerous times, that he is and wants to divorce since his absence, I have been patiently waiting on him to proceed with the paper work, yet nothing has been filed. He has told me to communicate with him only via text or sms, no voice calls what so ever. When we do text it's only regarding our children, or try to keep it children related, at times we have gotten off subject and expressed anger and hurt of the situation. I have asked when he is going to file, his response "I don't have time, I'm busy", but he holds a position that allows him to work 4 tens allowing him to have every Friday off and picks up the children until Friday evening when he wants. Allowing him Friday when courts etc. are open. When I try to ask questions regarding our situation he gets angry and very bitter, and he becomes hard to talk to, and we close our conversation. He's told me he regrets me and every awful phrase that follows after and constantly reminds me of how he don't want to work it out, and my response is "I understand and I respect that just file the divorce". I have picked up a packet to file but don't want to file, I feel he made the decision to move out and suggest divorce than he should finish it and I don't want the regret of divorcing him in the future. I feel like all this is word vomit... but I do need some advice and guidance. I also feel like we both are very immature and young, we married at the age of 20. There is so much that has shaped this decision, he has made although I am focusing on why he hasn't filed or pushed any paper work.... ?
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Old 02-21-2012, 04:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why hasn't he filed divorce?

I wondered that same question for 13 months after 22 years together. Just last week he approached me and said he was actually starting the process. My husband did the exact thing yours did. Only communication for 13 months was very brief text or emails regarding our son. I still don't know why he left....there is no OW. You may never know. One thing i did wrong during separation is beat myself up over everything that i did wrong in the marriage. I hope you are able to focus on yourself and your kids.

Take care of yourself.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why hasn't he filed divorce?

Thank you for responding. I greatly appreciate your input. I have learned early in my marriage that it is not healthy to base my value on him or my marriage, and that speck of advice has shaped and molded me to base my value solely on myself. When I say solely myself I merely mean what happenings wither good or bad that happen in my life I had some control over but I'm not gonna belly ache over it, but move forward, or I try to believe and act accordingly. Although, honestly this situation has me twisting in the wind. The funny thing is this week I have been pondering child support paper work etc, and of all weeks to see him and actually talk face to face occurred last night when he came into my work (I work in a bar and he knows I work there) and he expressed his emotions and questioned why I have not asked him to come home. I'm the type of the person that will not question your decision, because that decision was your decision alone. In left me anger because HE decided to move out and as he got the last of his stuff I told him "the door will always be open" I don't see why I need to get on my knees to beg him to come home...
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:14 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why hasn't he filed divorce?

he starting to miss you... and need a reason to justify his actions. good luck it will be a rocky road.
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