Much needed help please
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Like Tree5Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-23-2012, 08:53 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Much needed help please

Hi All

New to this forum so I will begin with my current situation.

I have been with the love of my life for 10 years, we have three children and have been married for 4 years.

The pressures of debt, young children and my insecuritys took its toll on our relationship but for the best of time we were very happy together.

A month ago my wife told me she needed to move on with her life, in the space of two weeks she has moved into her own place with the children and I moved out. There has not been a day she has NOT contacted me, for the 1st week not very nice text, but i never responded back with angry just love.

I panicked the first week and did all the things I should not have, promised I would change and begged her back - obviously this did not work.

I helped her alot with the move as she does not have alot of people to help her so I made sure i did. And I even brought her a new wardrobe, rug etc for her new place. I have left her with my car and everything we brought as a couple, would not have it any other way as I love her and my children very very much.

Two days ago I got a text from her asking if she should come over, so I said yes, we had a nice evening and ended up sleeping together. Yesterday we saw each other again NO sex but just cuddled and watched a film together, she then went home.

This morning i got a Four text sent one after the other from her:

Text 1:

" I dont want to back to it being us again! I am happy being single and just getting on with it, but I don't think you are? I don't know it just feels like it's getting bit to much again?"

Text 2:

"And thats not what I want right now"

Text 3:

"You can text back"

Text 4:

I no that's probablly really annoyed you now but I just like things the way they are at the moment and I don't know I'm wrong in thinking you want things to go back to how they were?"

MY REPLY:

"Hi not at all? I am happy being single too I don't ever want us to get back together being the same people we were before. All I said yesterday is I am not intrested in meeting anyone else and if i do get to the point were I have meet someone else I would tell you first, and just wanted to ask if you would also?"

HER REPLY

"Oh OK ignore me then, yes I totally would tell you"

(This really hurt me)

MY REPLY

"maybe we should just stop seeing each other and texting from now on, I will pick up the kids on my weekends and set times to call them everynight, Obviously if you need to contact me regarding the children please DO, but other then that we should maybe cut ties and see how we both feel, I know you want to be single and this would help me move on from you i think x"

HER REPLY

"OK I understand, what time will you get them on saturday? X"

A min later she sends a random text about how she is trying to find a location and it is a nightmare????? so she has ignored my request to only contact if it is with regards to our children???

I am so confussed right now I love her so so much, But i dont want to come across needy anymore.

Any advice will really be appricated :-)

Thank you and sorry for the long post
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 09:48 AM   #2 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

Any advice would be really greatful came on here to hopefully be able to talk to people as I don't have any close friends who I can turn to
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 09:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,044
Default Re: Much needed help please

Cut her off.

Do exactly what you said you`d do.
No contact except for the kids.
Stop helping her.
Stop supporting her.

It probably wouldn`t hurt to have divorce papers drawn up and inform her you have no interest in being jerked around in this limbo.

Her reaction will tell you where her heart truly lies.

Don`t allow or enable this destruction of your marriage.
Get proactive now.
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 09:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

Thank you, I think I knew I had to do it but just need someone to tell me :-), I love her very much and guess I am just frightened to let her go out of my life.

So confused as she was the one who ask to see me this week, she totally gave her self to me when we had sex and then she text me saying she still wants to be single?
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 14,236
Default Re: Much needed help please

She's a trainwreck right now.

Do not contact. Do not reply more than 3-4 words if she texts you and only if about kids.

She wants to be single. So make her be single.
__________________

"If you were an aqua fresca, you'd be a wh0re-chata."
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,044
Default Re: Much needed help please

Also, find out who the other man is.

I`d bet money there`s a new man in her life in some capacity.
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 14,236
Default Re: Much needed help please

I was just going to say that.

There's someone else in the picture. that's why it is so easy for her to be "whatever" about this. She has someone in backup.

Sucks to think about, but....that's what it sounds like to me. Sex with you was to test if anything was still there...and now she wants to be single.

this is all speculation, of course.
__________________

"If you were an aqua fresca, you'd be a wh0re-chata."
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

I truly don't think there is anyone else, maybe I am wrong but she never really has the time to meet other people and I think she is the type that would tell me if she had.

She was 19 when we had our first child and I her reason for the split we because I became very controlling, who she talked to, went out with etc.... Which is all true when I look back on how I behaved that side of me got out of control.

I have always been there for her and the kids but I think it hurt her to much that I didn't seem to trust her.

When we broke I asked had she met anyone else and she said No and she has no interest in meeting anyone else she just wants to concentrate on getting a secure future, job, house etc without debts.
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:29 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,044
Default Re: Much needed help please

Robbie,

You could be entirely correct and there is no other male interest but the odds are against it.
The fact of the matter is if you want to save your marriage you must find out if there is or not because it will alter the actions you must take to fix it.

Do you really think she'd be honest with you if she were interested in someone else?

If there is another man and you didn't account for him everything you do will be in vain.

I'd go ahead and take the advice I gave above while doing some snooping.
Posted via Mobile Device
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:33 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 14,236
Default Re: Much needed help please

You are talking about a woman who left you. Did she tell you she was leaving and wasn't happy? She wouldn't tell you about someone she fancies.

You're right, there could most likely not be anyone else, but...you thought you knew her for years, and she left.

Don't put it past her.
__________________

"If you were an aqua fresca, you'd be a wh0re-chata."
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:33 AM   #11 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

Thanks tacoma, I will start seeing if there is anything to suggest that there might be someone else.
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

You right i wouldn't put it past her but it has been on the cards for a while, we kind of broke up last year albeit only two weeks and constant miss you messages. She told me she see's her friends who are with there partners who trust them and it was not fair of me not to trust her. Last time we broke up she said it will be good for me as I will see she has no interest in meeting other people.
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:40 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
tacoma's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,044
Default Re: Much needed help please

The most ironic thing is that her leaving whenever she feels "untrusted" is a major reason not to trust her.

You may have been controlling Robbie and that isn`t good but how can you trust someone who keeps doing this to you in the first place?

Her actions do not inspire trust they inspire insecurity and mistrust.
tacoma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:41 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 14,236
Default Re: Much needed help please

Yea I couldn't allow my home to be a revolving door for my mate just whenever he feels untrusted or whatever.

I'd not trust her either. Shady shady.
__________________

"If you were an aqua fresca, you'd be a wh0re-chata."
that_girl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-23-2012, 10:42 AM   #15 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 9
Default Re: Much needed help please

Totally you have it the nail on the head! how can i ever feel secure if she walks out. She also told me she feels her friends will hate her if she changes her mind, as they have seen how upset it makes her and told her she must break away!

Her friends get too involved and she relys to much on pleasing them
robbie23rd is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Help Needed mircleneeded General Relationship Discussion 5 07-08-2012 08:05 PM
Help needed Heart-broken Girl Dealing with Grief and Loss 4 03-01-2012 02:07 AM
Maybe this is just what we needed? confused7777 Coping with Infidelity 123 12-16-2011 10:34 PM
Help needed please Alex22Burton Coping with Infidelity 18 07-21-2011 03:18 PM
help needed :( max1929 General Relationship Discussion 8 12-22-2010 11:28 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:51 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage