Huge Step Forward Today - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 09:59 AM Thread Starter
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Huge Step Forward Today

After dropping the kids off at school today, I took there stuff back to the house to drop off.

The last few times I've done this I got drawn into a conversation with the stbxw that I would rehash everything, become sad and emotionally drained.

Today I just went in, dropped the stuff off, and left (without even saying hi). She called me on the phone to ask why I didn't say hello. I told her that I didn't need to have a conversation where nothing got resolved.

She then tried to lay the guilt trip on me that she thought we were going to be friends, be amiacble. I told her I was, I wasn't being a jerk, just didn't need to talk to her.

I could tell she was upset that she didn't get to see me or talk to me, but that's not what I need. I'm breaking free of her emotional control of me.

It Felt Great!
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:02 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Your actions 180 all the way!

Keep it up.
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:15 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Good job!

Her "friends" bull**** is just that, bullshet. She wants to be "friends" to ease her guilt. Stupid woman.

You dont' need friends. Being friends with her wn't come for a LOOOONG time, if it comes at all.

Friends don't treat each other like garbage. She is not your friend. She's only thinking of her own guilty thoughts and her own comfortableness. Screw her.


Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:15 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

You're doing great!
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Exactly, I see this "new" person for who she is; selfish, vain, all about her self. She wants to be friends with me to keep me as a safety net, make herself feel better, try to have some sort of normalcy.

I'm not there to make you feel better about what you are doing, make you feel normal. You lost that. You can't talk about this stuff with the other people because you have to seem "cool" to them.

You weren't there for me when I was sad, so SCREW YOU
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:26 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Good job!

Her "friends" bull**** is just that, bullshet. She wants to be "friends" to ease her guilt. Stupid woman.

You dont' need friends. Being friends with her wn't come for a LOOOONG time, if it comes at all.

Friends don't treat each other like garbage. She is not your friend. She's only thinking of her own guilty thoughts and her own comfortableness. Screw her.

"A man who loves women is loved by women. He never apologizes for the fact that he is a man and she is a woman and that he loves women"
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:46 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Exactly man,

My STBXW keeps talking to me like we are separated, but still asks me how she looks before she goes out, or how her hair looks. She still seeks validation from me and tries to have nonchalant conversations with me all of the time because she wants someone to talk to...

Divorce does not work like that... When the house sells and I am gone, she is going to realize what I actually brought to the relationship and not what I didn't. I won't be so black and white like she see's me now..
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Yep, well the first two months it was about the physical separation, that didn't seem to bug her at all. Now I have to do the emotional separation, that is what is hardest for me. But I tell myself when she was working on that last year, I was at the house and she was able to use me as a crutch to work through that, and I didn't know it. So now I'm pulling away from her; she doesn't get to have me anymore to be there for her. It hurts to say, because she WAS my best friend, but that person is gone. She is in denial as well, she doesn't think she changed.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 10:51 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Good work man, you got to go with what you feel is right. You didn't want this and you need to work through how it is best for you. Like you said you aren't being a jerk, you just know that the conversation is not going to go anywhere. Its to fresh just to pretend like a major change in your life did not just happen.
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 11:09 AM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Well done!
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 11:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

It's weird because the "nice guy" in me does feel guilty about not saying hi, but then I counter that with well I'm not saying hi to the person I want to say hi anyway. I can't let her control my emotions.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 06:53 PM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

the emotional disconnecting is harder then the physical i think. i am in the same boat. i try to disconnect emotionally but then the guilt trips set in and i feel bad cause really i'm a nice person. we get sucked into that kinda stuff unfortunately. good job for not allowing that this time. ur getting stronger
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 02-23-2012, 07:09 PM
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Re: Huge Step Forward Today

Quote:
I'm not there to make you feel better about what you are doing, make you feel normal. You lost that. You can't talk about this stuff with the other people because you have to seem "cool" to them.

You weren't there for me when I was sad, so SCREW YOU
When will you say this to her face?
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