Acceptance ???

cantmove · 02-25-2012, 04:40 PM

My stbxwh is moving out tomorrow and will begin sleeping at his place(5 doors down from me)Monday. I have only known he was leaving for about 10 days so have been a huge mess. I am eating again which is big for me. Anyway was reading lots of posts this morning here and at SI and started feeling stronger. Decided I would try the 180 even though he is about to leave. He's been extremely nice (guilt I'm sure) so it's kept my hopes up and he's been sleeping in bed with me(needed the comfort). I just need to begin to accept this. Anyway within minutes of 180 ( just not talking to him) he was confused patted me on my ass twice, put his arm around me in car (ignoring him) then bumping my knees to get attention at our sons bball game. All of this made me feel really good at first but then I started to get mad and really started to think about the past 13 yrs. That's when the first LTA started while I was going thru invitro( i turned sex into a job and didn't fulfill his needs which is true) I found out when baby was 3mnts old. He ended it. Begged forgiveness we went to counciling a few times and he never even tried to make up for it nor change. In fact he wrote a list at some point of the things he didn't like or respect about me.I became even more insecure , needy and basically no sex for a few yrs. I also pointed out how great other peoples husbands were. I know , huge mistake. Anyhoo. he started seeing her again for next six years treated me like **** and I turned more into myself which he took to mean i didn't care. I found out about other woman year & 1/2 ago He told me again what he didn't like about me that he didn't like me and wasn't in love with me. Well i begged for another chance and spent the whole time changing for the better fighting for both of us to save it. He made effort at times and a few times it seemed like he was finally getting it but then he would get into a funk and sink backwards and tell me again ILYBINILWY. That brings us to now 10 days ago he said he's done trying its never gonna get better he's done. I have cried begged pleaded bargained quit eating and sleeping and had to break my sweet angels heart. But today I'm pissed at mysef. What the hell was I holding onto why was I fighting to keep a man that clearly has never loved nor respected me. Why am I inlove with him? Even though I am in love with him and will miss him (or the idea of him) terribly it makes no sense to want this. He's never gonna change even if he did stay so I would still be living in this limbo forever. I feel like I've turned a corner. I might be in the bed all day crying tomorrow but for today I feel better. Sorry I just retold part of history.

cantmove · 02-25-2012, 05:04 PM

I realize that I'm trying to do the 180 but I have not said all of this to him about my realization of today. Should I or should just keep it to myself?

justwhy · 02-25-2012, 05:15 PM

Go out tomorrow.. It will be hard for both of your he's 5 doors from u. Good luck do not tell him.
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LostWifeCrushed · 02-25-2012, 05:33 PM

Seems like you are coping with infidelity.

Has paperwork been started? Why is he moving so close if he is "done with it"? Has he ever moved out before?

EleGirl · 02-25-2012, 05:45 PM

You are right, he has never really given your marriage a chance and never worked on it in the right way. A marriage cannot be worked on while having an affair.

Should you tell him your new revelation? Not yet, let it sink into your being first. Then decide what you will tell him. It should be short. Don't give him a long winded emotional dump.

Just keep up the 180.

If he keeps trying to touch you and get your attention just tell him to stop. That he lost the right to be your husband when he started cheating a lying. That you are done with him and moving on.

I do like the idea of you going out when he is moving out. If you can get a friend or two to go with you, go out shopping and to lunch/dinner/whatever. Tell you that you leave his key on the counter and be gone when you get back.

I also wonder why he is moving 5 doors down? Is she moving in with him?

EleGirl · 02-25-2012, 05:46 PM

Also, have you filed for divorce? It is certainly time to. It might shock him as well... part of the 180. You make the move to draw a line in the sand.

cantmove · 02-25-2012, 05:51 PM

He met with a lawyer yesterday for a consult but nothing will be filed for a while. We own home and business together that have IRS leans against them from the business so this will be a long to sort I think before it could be filed. I haven't been to a lawyer yet it's too fast.

He's moving 5 doors down because we have an empty rental house there and we thought it would be cheapest route plus it will make it an easier transition on 12 yr old. I think it will make this a longer process for me though as I can see his driveway from my front yard.

mickotoo · 02-25-2012, 06:03 PM

He is only keeping You sweet for ease of access to his child hense the short move.Life is very short...esp not to be respected or not to be cheated on
Nobody can take from You unless You give to them so tough as it may seem you need to distance yourself emotionally from this guy whilst staying close or buy a jacket with " WELCOME" on it for him and Your son to wipe their feet on for one doesn't walk far beyond the others foootprint