its official
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By bandit.45

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 02-26-2012, 01:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
Default its official

well, it must be the fastest divorce in history.lol. my wife left me at the end of august and here i sit officially divorced. i have posted many times on here but for some reason old posts dont show up. my wife had an EA back last year. married 7 years 3 kids involved. i just dont get it, guess i never will. i think because we married young ( me 22 her 20) she felt it was never right. she became pregnant a year after us dating and i could tell she always felt her life would have been different. but the funny thing is her family was very religious and it was her that pushed to get married. so we married young. she would at times throughout the mariage say that it was never right, never felt right. my question is then why have three kids with someone then? does it make sense to any to you reading this? one kid would have been easy but three. she claims she never loved me like that, like a wife should love a husband, claims she could never picture a long term future with us. then why have 3 kids? i sacrificed so much putting off my dreams of college to support a young family. meanwhile she stayed home and got degree after degree. shes working on a masters now and will be done in june. i worked dead end job after dead end job to make ends meet. i bought a house at 22. most of my friends were living with mom and dad back then. i did my best to provide a life for my young family. i ended up landing a good union job in 07, i eventually got hurt in 2009, and my injury required 4 knee surgeries so my job let me go due to a contract regulation that wouldnt allow an employee out more than 18 months. so im basically at square one, on unemployment. my wife left me at my lowest. she threw me to the gutter like i never mattered, because she was in love with another man. our marriage had ups and downs just like anyone elses, but most outsiders were shocked when everything came about. to them i had a model marriage and family. the funny part is the man my wife was in love with had no kids, a good career, and everything going for him. from all i hear he wants nothing to do with her, all a fantasy in her twisted little head. think about it, what single man in their right mind would want to take on three kids? he has no baggage, why put up with that. despite all of this my wife pushed for a very swift divorce which makes me wonder? why would she push so hard? her backup plan basically was gone. i treated her like gold. never neglected her, or failed to give proper attention to her. when i was young in our marriage i was an ass, and drank and was immature. she said she could never get past that. but i was a stand up family man the past 4 years. i did everything wrong when this ea came to light, begged, pleaded, but i got nothing but coldness. it was like she was in a car accident and lost her personality. i feel as though i dont even know her after spending a decade together. we were very intimate. sex 3-4 times a week throughout the marriage. we even had sex two days before she dropped the bomb. i dont get it. i know my kids are hurting thou. 7,5,4. i cant wrap my head around it. i have been going out with other woman, i never had a problem with the ladies, i just dont get it. i would have never broken my family up for nothing. there isnt a pretty enough woman on this planet i would have left my wife and family for. i keep going back to her just thinking it was never right because we were young. i think she has always thought there was someone better she would have found had she not gotten pregnant. meanwhile i sit unemployed with a bum knee. i can hear her now" once i get this degree it will help us". i feel so used, she never had to work, now shes set up for a great career while all i have done is labor, which i cant really do now because of my knee. i feel so lost. i dont know what to do. i feel like her life will be great, and i will struggle just to maintain metioricrity. i know this woman loved me. she really did, she acts like she never really did, but im no dummy, it was real at one time. im sure ill never hear the words but i hope oneday she realizes this wasnt worth ruining a family over. once the honeymoon phase wears off its basically one set of problems for another.
mike82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 02-26-2012, 01:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 13,923
Default Re: its official

Nope I have the record for the shortest divorce in history. This was some years ago. My first H and I had been living apart for about 6 months. I flew into town on leave. Called an attorney in the morning and made an appointment for 1pm that day. Called my husband and asked him to meet me at the court house at 2pm. The attorney and I went to the court house. All 3 of use saw a judge. And I had my divorce by 3pm. It cost me $50. The entire divorce decree is on one sheet of paper.

LOL
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
Default Re: its official

lol. we were seperated for months but 3 weeks ago papers were filed and its official now. the whole thing took 3 weeks. but wow you got that. call guiness book. lol
mike82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 51
Default

Mate you sound angry, tired and hurt, and you have every right to be but when i feel like that it seems to make me feel worse no motivation, no hope, no friends, ****ty job, big mortgage and a wife who left me. I am trying to replace this crock of crap with 2 great dogs, a great family some potential great friends in future, nice house. It worked yesterday heres hoping for today. Take it easier on yourself ups and downs in life shell have her downs mate you can be sure of that.
Posted via Mobile Device
hurtinme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 13,923
Default Re: its official

Three weeks is fast these days.

Your story is a bummer. It reminds me a lot of my brother who is going through something similar. He has been married 23 years. She got pregnant at 19. Her family is very religious. My brother married her. They had a second child over the years.

She got her education and now as a master's degree.

He did get a two year degree in respiratory therapy so he's had a good job along the way.

But once she got that Master's degree she started to see herself as too good for him.

Unfortunately she is playing a lot of games with the divorce do it's taking a long time.

Have you considered getting an education in something now? If you do not want to go for a 4 year degree there are good programs that take 2 -3 years. Things like x-ray and sonogram come to mind.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
Default Re: its official

i started school in spring and did great. fall semester started a week after finding this out. it was sooo hard to focus on school.yet i passed all classes. but proffesional phase of program didnt start yet. i was going to be a physical therapist assistant, a two year program. the problem is alot of it relied on her. i had enough unemployment to carry us to her degree, but then she was supposed to work and get me through my last year. my program is an hour away and requires 5 hours a day. i have a morgage and split custody of my kids, which gives me no time to travel, 5 hours a day, plus a job, then take care of kids, i am roaly screwed into labor. i dont see an answer. not enough hours in the day.
mike82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 13,923
Default Re: its official

Is your ex working right now?

Couldn't you get spousal support while you go through this program?

Have you looked into financial aid?

Could you rent out a room in your home to someone?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:57 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 59
Default Re: its official

im in nj so its no fault divorce state. financial aids not the problem i can get that. its just keeping my house, having my kids, and working thats the problem. the closest school for my program is an hour away which leads to 2 hours travel time, 5 hours in school. having to work ( which would have to be full time to pay bills) and then taking care of kids. mathematically impossible.
mike82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 02:41 AM   #9 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 13,923
Default Re: its official

I'm sorry to hear that. So there is not a school closer to you?

It's really hard to go back and get an education after you have children. I have been really trying to press with with my children who are all in their early 20's. Get it out of the way before life take over and makes it much harder.

I supported my ex-husband through medical school. Our agreement was that once he was done with residency I would get to work on my Master's degree. When he was done he had no debt at all. And he asked for a divorce.

I have read that about 98% of marriages end after one spouse gets their advanced degree. You can bank on it.

What I learned far too late was that when a person goes back to school, they should not use immediate community income to pay for the education. Instead they need to use student loans, etc. That way when they split they take the bill for that education with them.

I do wish you well. Do you have family who can help you with the children?
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 07:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
bandit.45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 7,602
Default Re: its official

Quote:
i feel so used, she never had to work, now shes set up for a great career while all i have done is labor, which i cant really do now because of my knee. i feel so lost. i dont know what to do.
Shes in a dream world if she thinks shes going to walk right into a six figure job. She has no wrok history or experience. Degrees don't mean a thing in this economy. She's in a dreamworld just like she was with her EA. I guarantee you she will flop around like a fish and you'll probably end up with the kids.
bandit.45 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-26-2012, 01:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 139
Default Re: its official

my stbxh tells me he never loved me either, yet we went to russia to adopt a baby. are these people rewriting history or what?
cabbage65 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
it's official ImperfectMomma Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 11-09-2012 10:47 AM
Its Official nice777guy Life After Divorce 20 02-16-2012 11:38 PM
Official Pit-of-my-stomach Coping with Infidelity 38 12-01-2011 07:55 AM
Well it's official... baseballmom Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 06-03-2011 06:09 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:50 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage