Valentines day is coming up the first one in 17 years that I wont be spending it with my wife, this will be tough. I met my wife when she was 17, she is now 34, been with her half of her life. This fu**ing sucks..
Sportsman...
I know exactly how you feel friend... I am in almost the same boat as you... it has been 16 V-days for me and my stbxw... I dont know what I can offer as a suggestion to help make the day easier for you.... I will be spending the day with my daughter... I sent mine a card for the last time...... maybe you should do the same.... Best wishes buddy !!
Sportman, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. What a tough time. I know you'll find several on here who've either been in your shoes or currently going through a similar situation. Valentine's Day is to divorce or separation as Christmas is to loss of a loved one. It can be a miserable time if you're grieving. Do what you can to avoid it. Take a fishing trip or something. Go to a basketball game. Don't go out to eat at any restaurants where it will be thrown up in your face. Stay busy. Keep us posted.
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--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
Well Sportsman this is one thing I have learned that WW do when they leave us.. They make you feel that everything is your fault they guilt you into beliveing that it was in fact you that drove them away... Its a defense mechanism to help themselve cope with the guilt they are feeling.. Look up Gaslighting on google... I had never heard of it before all of this started in my life but thats exactly what your WW is doing to you... It was done to me and in a sense still is being done.
So its Valentines day and I got my wife a card and an ice tea maker, thought it was something that she wanted plus I wasn't going to push roses down her throat. I also got something for my two girls. Well my wife gets the gift and does not say one word, not oh that was nice or kiss my ass or anything just ignores the fact that I got something. I thought that their might be a chance that the family would go out, the girls asked and she said maybe we can do that. But again I get my hopes up for nothing, she tells me that she is taking my daughters to the movies and then she is getting them a heart shaped pizza. I do not know why I allow her to push my buttons. I need to find the strength, the magic potion whatever to just turn it off around her so she does not see that she is getting to me. We were talking on the phone and I hung up on her, so now I am sure she is happy because she got to me and now I am the bad guy because I hung up on her. This is really wearing me down.
So its Valentines day and I got my wife a card and an ice tea maker, thought it was something that she wanted plus I wasn't going to push roses down her throat. I also got something for my two girls. Well my wife gets the gift and does not say one word, not oh that was nice or kiss my ass or anything just ignores the fact that I got something. I thought that their might be a chance that the family would go out, the girls asked and she said maybe we can do that. But again I get my hopes up for nothing, she tells me that she is taking my daughters to the movies and then she is getting them a heart shaped pizza. I do not know why I allow her to push my buttons. I need to find the strength, the magic potion whatever to just turn it off around her so she does not see that she is getting to me. We were talking on the phone and I hung up on her, so now I am sure she is happy because she got to me and now I am the bad guy because I hung up on her. This is really wearing me down.
dude, be cool. the gift without reciprocation is the bomb. understand this: she knows you got her something. that is special whether she says anything of not. the thing about hangiong up on her...why??? why give her that sportsman? what did it help? don't man. if this is wearing you down, then take a breath and get away from the situation. but it's not supposed to be a battle of the wills. this is gonna suck anyway. your job is to make nice.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
Well my wife finally agreed to go out with me tomorrow, I gave her the option of lunch or dinner and she said dinner. I am not expecting much and not sure how I will aproach this. Part of me wants to keep it light and say nothing about us. Part of me wants to tell her that I miss her and want us to be together. Part of me wants to say that I am tired of the way that she is treating me and maybe we should get a divorce. I do believe that the only reason that she agreed to talk to me is because she is expecting me to tell her that I am done. Its only my gut talking but that is what I think. I have to do some thinking about this and if I can get anyone to respond before tomorrow night (its Sunday 4pm right now west coast time) I could really use the feedback. So anyone and everyone please help and guide me through this.. Thanks in advance, Skin I am talking to you as well.
small talk...no heavy stuff about your relationship...make friends again...don't look desparate...i believe things will work out alright if you let them...she did agree to have dinner with you. expect no more, don't build this huge reconciliation scenario in your head. have fun, laugh, have a good time.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
No relationship talk at all! Date her tomorrow night. Pretend in your own mind that you don't have a past with this woman. Act as though this is your first date with her. Woo her. Don't get too heavy with romance, just be simply charming...no more, no less.
Your 2 words for the evening are SIMPLE & CHARMING!
It does not matter anymore, we had a blow up tonight at my house she wanted my son to go with her and i didn't, she then called the cops and said that I pushed her hoping that I would get in trouble and my son would go with her. He saw everything and told the cops the truth, so now she is saying that we are done and she is filing for divorce. I guess I knew it was coming just not in this way. There is more to this story but I am not in the mindset to write about it. The one cop told me to protect myself because he felt that she was making stuff up to get me in trouble. I guess her story got bigger as she told it.
Hey there...hold strong...and be careful. If she is throwing our accusations to get you in legal trouble you need to take a big step back and do what you need to do for yourself and for your children. Now might be a good time to start meeting in public to exchange the kids, or make sure a family member or friend is always present, just for your protection. It won't be fun, but it may be necessary.
Good luck and stay strong. She is making a lot of big mistakes, but there is nothing you can do to change her and her choices. Just remain friendly without letting her walk on you, and hope that someday she will come to her senses.
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One breath at a time, one minute at a time, one day at a time. I will survive!
Thanks for the input, she is getting off of work early today she told my son that she needed to go and look into medical since I lost my job. She told my son not to tell me because I will think she is doing something else. The fact is I believe she knew he would tell me and wants me to think that she is indeed applying for some medical aid where in fact she is filing for divorce and custody. I guess there is nothing I can do about what she does, she has been acting crazy for awhile. I am having a hard time dealing with all of this, I am suprised at myslef because I consider myself a strong person but between the job, house and marriage issues I am flailing. I want to just shoot myself in the face and get it over with.
Thanks for the input, she is getting off of work early today she told my son that she needed to go and look into medical since I lost my job. She told my son not to tell me because I will think she is doing something else. The fact is I believe she knew he would tell me and wants me to think that she is indeed applying for some medical aid where in fact she is filing for divorce and custody. I guess there is nothing I can do about what she does, she has been acting crazy for awhile. I am having a hard time dealing with all of this, I am suprised at myslef because I consider myself a strong person but between the job, house and marriage issues I am flailing. I want to just shoot myself in the face and get it over with.
Hang in there Sportsman...
I know where you are coming from buddy.. seeing all your dreams and plans for the future walking out the door.. all your hopes for your son growing up in a normal family setting is all but over... its tough... damn tough but it will get easier I can promise you that.. I for one have been a wreck for the past 3 months there wasnt a day that didnt go by where my emotions didnt fail me.. thoughts of suicide and all the terrible other things that cross your mind. It will be tough for a while and I wont sugar coat it for you but you have to believe in yourself.. You have to know that God doessn't give you anything today that you cant handle..
There will be dyas when you dont feel like doing much.. I turned to the bottle... big mistake it only made things worse.. But you kow ... One day I put on my big boy boxers and said to myself... If she dont want me someone else will be happy to have.... what one will abuse another can use.. Remember that man.. I know how you feel.. there are still days when my emotions get the best of me but you know what... She will not beat me down.. NO MAN OR WOMAN ARE WORTH YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE'S THAT ARE !!!! WONT MAKE YOU CRY !!!
Try and remeber that and know that it will get better... PM me anytime you want to chat i would be happy to give you my cell and we could talk..... Your in my thoughts and prayers Sportman.......... Dont let her win friend !!!
Hang in there Sportsman...
I know where you are coming from buddy.. seeing all your dreams and plans for the future walking out the door.. all your hopes for your son growing up in a normal family setting is all but over... its tough... damn tough !!!
Yeah,
I have three kids with my wife, my 15 year old son who lives with me because he saw how my wife acted and did not want to go with her. My 8 year old daughter who spends the night two or three nights a week comes over before school since her school is near me. Finally my 4 year old daughter who stays with me during the day while my wife works. My wife works just down the street from her at a pre school. So we are always close. Today she told my son that she did not file for "divorce" today, I guess we will see. I think I need to get away from here for a while and try to get my mind straight its hard to get focosed on the things I need to when I am feeling so bad. But I wont have a home here shortly if I do not get back to work, so I have got to focus on that.
I saw an email that was sent to my wife. It was a divorce attorney sending her the paperwork to fill out for a divorce. Oh my god, I do not know what to do, I dont think I am going to make it through this.
Sportsman,
hang in there friend.... You will get through this and know that your kids need you at this point.. Be strong for them and know that you have no control over what the ex does... try and remember that, take care of yourself during this time... Its not the end of the world... though it may seem that way you will come out of this a much stronger person.... Have faith !!!
Re: Separation Blue's
