So I saw an email that my wife got from an attorney that had attachments to fill out for a divorce. I told her that a friend saw her at the attorneys office and told me. She admitted going there but said she has not decided if she is going to file so I guess that is good. On the other hand she continues to not speak to me about what is going on and is mean and rude most of the time. I still think there is a guy but there is no proof and she denies it. The thing that gets me still after almost six weeks of separation, is I still do not know what the hell is going on. I have written her some emails and she does not respond, I asked her why and she says the words don't mean anything to her. I think my wife is whacked out, I have no other explanation for her behavior. I am at my mental end with her, as I think about the past I did not do anything to deserve this mess that she has put me through or how mean she is. Like I said what makes this so hard for me is her flat out refusal to speak to me about it. Are any of you dealing with that situation? If yes what are you doing about it because it is really getting to me.
Are any of you dealing with that situation? If yes what are you doing about it because it is really getting to me.
thanks
Sportsman,
I am getting the same thing from mine friend... All she ever say when we do talk about it that it was all my fault... Mine has found someone else to keep her mind off of things most likely he was always there even though she had denied it.. Its to the point now where she is telling her family that I am harassing her and fears for her life... Her family knows me and knows that I would never in my lifetime hurt her......... Deep dowm she knows it too but its just trying to make me still look like the bad guy....... What can you do friend stay strong and know that this will all pass...... hopefully in the edn you will be a much better man and you will realize that you are better off without her...
I was hoping to hear a bit more from some of you that are going through the same thing as me. Where the wife or husband for that matter, broke up the family and I still do not know really why. She barely talks to me, is always angry, is now talking about divorce. I believe she has painted a picture in her head of what she "thinks" is going on, shares that picture with her family and or friends and they tell here what she wants to hear. By doing this it gives her the strength to act like she does. I mean we have a 4 year old daughter and she acts like this break up is no big deal. She says the kids will adjust. My son who lives with me who is 15 barely talks to her and she has worked it out that , that is also my fault. When in fact he just sees her and how she acts and makes his own decisions. Either way, I do not know how to deal with this. We were supposed to go to dinner to talk about things and two days before she starts a fight over the phone for no reason so we would not go. I want to just walk away but it is hard, I still love her and the thought of her with someone else causes me to freak. Like I have said in other posts it makes me believe that she is seeing someone but I have no proof and she denies it so what the hell. Some feedback from all you nice folks would be helpful.
Man that sounds like a carbon copy of my crap! before vday she wants a divorce,want talk to me about nothing.then a week later she wants to go to dinner??whats up with that??so last friday she wants a divorce again.then calls me up at 12;00 sat night wants to come see me??and like an idiot i let her,and wouldnt you know it? want talk to me again by tuesday?so i think ive finally decided to stop being her door mat.and refuse to play her game.but when i ask her what are WE doing SHE DOSENT KNOW!! she seems to have gotten past all the anger though,she quit finding reasons to get mad at me,maybe its certain phases they go through,but if your instincts tell you theres somebody else youd better listen.
you know my situation from reading my thread. Your wife is acting the same way mine did. All that i ever heard come out of her mouth was words of hate and never loved you and its all your fault. She swore up and down that there was no one else that it was me that caused our marriage to collapse........ Well since then i have found out there is someone else... your situation sounds so much like mine...do some digging around have her followed or follow her yourself and you may find the answer... The reason for the anger and hatread is their justifing their actions and making you look like the bad guy mine has gone so far as to tell her family that I am not helping with the mortgage or with my daughters expenses... I give her close to a 1000$ a month to help her with the bils and such...
As for why you may never know.... Look at the post walkaway wives.... you will learn a lot from that forum that what is going on is not your fault and your wife makes you believe that it is you........ Its her justifying it to herself and anyone else that will listen....... In my situation all of her family knows that she is lying through her teeth and are disappointed with her but blood always come first....... Do whats best for youself now and dont worry about her..... It should all be about you getting a life without her... I am so much better these days with regards to my emotions I can clearly see what type of person my wife has become and its not someone i want in my life........
wow seems like we are all at the same spot. my wife is really mad, and spending time with a male friend(yah rite). she will not even talk to me. has not since we split. at least she will talk to you.
wow seems like we are all at the same spot. my wife is really mad, and spending time with a male friend(yah rite). she will not even talk to me. has not since we split. at least she will talk to you.
She only talks to me if it suites her. She loves to start fights for no reason and acts like I am some beast. She has created this picture of me that is not true and tells her family and they believe her and tell her what she wants to hear. To be honest her family pisses me off, I have taken care of her for 16 years, produced three great kids, have always treated her with respect and her family saw that. Now that is in bazaro land they just skip over me like I am not there. Her piece of **** brother moved to Seattle three weeks after we did for no reason, ends up living with us for a total of maybe 7 months for free, do I get a thank you from her family? No! Now she is in an apartment with her brother living there paying half, he was always a thorn in my side. He was a slob, ate everything and my wife stuck up for him like he was her kid, it is ridicules. I am sure that we are going to get a divorce and I am almost, and I mean almost to the point that I am going to be OK with it. We were talking today, well arguing and she was saying stuff like how I never did this and never did that. I said excuse me that was you, I always did nice things for you and showed you that I loved you, you were the one who never acted like you cared. I also told her that she never went out of her way to show me that she loved me, all she could say is ahh well, whatever. Maybe this is for the best, she is a beautiful women who I thought I would spend my entire life with, but she has turned into someone that I do not even recognize. So maybe its for the best that I just let her go. I am sure that there is someone out there who wants a guy like me.
So my wife and I finally had a long talk where she tried to tell me why she feels the way that she does, though I told her I understood, I don't. She brings up things that happened a long time ago, no cheating or abuse, just stuff like I did not go to bed with her at 9pm instead I stayed up with the kids. She acknowledged that my way was going out of my way to buy her nice things, set up a spa day, get a new cat that was a huge hassle, jewelry whatever. She says what she wanted was me to just say that I loved her (which I did) she just does not remember. She said that she knows that my way is to try and woo her with gifts and it was, I always tried to surprise her with something nice somethings special. I sent her on an all womens cruise two months after our third child was born. I stayed home for three days and took care of our daughter while she went on a cruise and was pampered the entire time. I thought she deserved it. Now she is saying that is not what she wanted from me During this conversation I put all my feelings on the table, even cried a bit which is not like me but I want her and our family back so I am trying to be as honest with me feelings as possible. She reluctantly agreed to see a counselor at our church but never asks about the status or seems to care about when it is. The other night after that talk my 8 year old daughter had a school function, her school is walking distance for me, my wife who lives about five miles away had to drive. I do not have a car right now because I lost my company car when I lost my job. My wife could have picked me and my son up on the way but never offered, leaving us to walk in the rain, we live in Washington (near Seattle) So that night we have a pretty good conversation even though I was pissed and she asked why I thought we should get back together if I take the kids out of the equation. I told her all the reasons and she seemed receptive. Anyway it was my weekend to have the kids and I asked her to take the kids on Friday because i had to take care of something. She refused claiming she had plans. My 15 year old son barely talks to her and was willing to go to her place. She said she was busy and what that busy was, was she went shopping with her 19 year old girl friend. A friend that works with her. Saturday night she had more plans, I guess its her company party, last year I went this year she did not even tell me about it. Friday night I had called her three times to discuss something important and she just blew me off. She told my son that she was home but never checked the phone, that she checked the messages in the morning, heard that they were from me and still chose not to call me back. The bottom line in my mind is she has no intention of working things out with me, the whole counseling thing is so she can say she did it. I also think that she is trying to live her late teen years again, we got married when she was 18 and she is 34 now. I just feel that she is going to crash and burn, her 19 year old friend has a boyfriend and I still believe she is seeing someone even though I have zero proof and her mom who I believe is honest told me that she was not. Another bothering issue is her family just shut me out after 15 years of marriage like I am some bad guy. I have taken care of their sister, daughter whatever and my kids for 16 years, you would think that it would count for something but apparently not. I do not want to let go but I feel like I am near the bottom. My wife is so beautiful and the thought of her with someone else kicks my ass. But I cant keep taking this from her. I guess we should go to the church and speak to the pastor who offered to help us and see where that takes us. You take the marriage issue, the loss of my job and most likely the loss of my home because of no job and this really sucks major penis. I felt like I took a step forward with my wife this week then two steps back this weekend. One thing I know is very clear is that all she cares about is herself. I am sorry for the long rant but it was heavy on my mind and I needed to write it. Any comments would as always be appreciated....
Okay Sportsman, I hate to say it, but you really need to get off her email. If I knew you were reading MY emails, I'd be pissed that you were not respecting my privacy. Plus, unless she has given you a real reason not to trust her, she deserves her husband's trust.
That said, I'm sorry she is being cruel to you. I'm sure that it hurts terribly to hear that it is your fault. I felt the same way when I first left my husband (10 months ago). He has given me complete space and respect since I left. It is the very best thing he could have done. In fact it will probablly be the saving grace for our marriage. I have had time to reflect on not only his shortcomings in our marriage, but also mine. That took time... time for me to get past anger... time for me to de-stress... time for me to really reflect... and most importantly, time for me to miss him.
Perhaps the best thing you can do is give her space... complete space.
I only speak from my experience. I don't know what will work for you. You definately need to try to do SOMETHING different because what you are doing now is not working. Take a step back and reflect. Good luck!
Okay Sportsman, I hate to say it, but you really need to get off her email. If I knew you were reading MY emails, I'd be pissed that you were not respecting my privacy. Plus, unless she has given you a real reason not to trust her, she deserves her husband's trust.
That said, I'm sorry she is being cruel to you. I'm sure that it hurts terribly to hear that it is your fault. I felt the same way when I first left my husband (10 months ago). He has given me complete space and respect since I left. It is the very best thing he could have done. In fact it will probablly be the saving grace for our marriage. I have had time to reflect on not only his shortcomings in our marriage, but also mine. That took time... time for me to get past anger... time for me to de-stress... time for me to really reflect... and most importantly, time for me to miss him.
Perhaps the best thing you can do is give her space... complete space.
I only speak from my experience. I don't know what will work for you. You definately need to try to do SOMETHING different because what you are doing now is not working. Take a step back and reflect. Good luck!
Thanks for the feedback, all of it is welcome. Being unemployed for the first time in my life since beginning to work and the house issue is playing on me as well. I am sure if I were busier with things like work, I would not be home thinking about how I am getting ready to get a divorce.
I am sure if I were busier with things like work, I would not be home thinking about how I am getting ready to get a divorce.
I feel for you there. I work full time, have a child to take care of, housework, etc., but still am not busy enough to not think about my marriage situation constantly. I keep finding reasons to see/speak to my DH. I know I should back off a bit and I am determined not to call/go see him today. Even though I was the one that left, WE are the ones that have to get back together, which means I don't have the right (or ability) to just say, "Okay, breaks over, I'm ready to try now." I have to respect his time frame now, just like he respected mine when I left (10 months ago).
I hope you have a great day today and can focus on you and your kids, your future employment, etc. Anything but invading her privacy by getting into her email account.
I hope you have a great day today and can focus on you and your kids, your future employment, etc. Anything but invading her privacy by getting into her email account.
Thanks for the words, I spend soooo much time thinking of her and how to get her back that I am sure that I am not doing things that would be more productive. I do spend alot of time with my kids and we have fun together so I believe I am ok there. But my mind is in such shambles that I get very little sleep and can't focus on myself, job, house etc. I am not a weak person but I feel weak right now. My wifes mom flew in to spend time with her and to be honest that does not work in my favor. Her mom has been married three times, has cheated on her husbands, has left her current husband now maybe 6 times, he finally had enough and cheated on her, and then she gets back with him. My wife does not act like that, but leaving and running away from problems is something her mom has done and my wife is doing the same thing. So her being here I am sure is working against me. I wish I could just stop thinking of all of these things, get focused on me and my life, give my wife her space and hope for the best but that is not my style. I am a fixer and right now in my life I cant fix anything. I know that god helps those who helps themselves but it has been pure hell ever since I moved here and I just need a break, I swear I am going to crack up, I am worn very thin, my thoughts are getting worse and worse.
I'm really feeling for you. I'm also very worried about your dark thoughts. I know what you are feeling and thinking. I had a very dark day yesterday and had some really nasty thoughts. If I can give you a few pieces of advice.
1. Get yourself some help ASAP. Talk with your pastor or a professional therapist. You must do that conisitently for you and your children. They are the most important thing in your life at this point. Get yourself some help number 1 goal at this point.
2. Focus on finding a job. You must do your best to find something that will provide the income that you'll need to keep a roof over you and your kids heads. Plus it will help you get out of bed and also help you to start showing your wife that you are doing something with yourself and not sitting home thinking about her all the time. Reverse the roles for a second and think to yourself if you would want to go back to someone that is depressed and isn't doing anything for themselves. You really need to start living your life by yourself and for your kids.
3. Try and stop contacting your wife. Respond to her if she txt's, calls or emails. This is not a game like some people make it out to be. This is something that you must do for yourself to gain back some self respect for yourself. No matter what happens with your marriage you have to be able to an independent person again. You have to be an attractive person to your wife or anyone else in the future. Right now you are asking your wife all these questions and giving her gifts and really just pushing her away. It's time to stop that and think to the future and not the past.
I know all of this is the hardest thing that you'll have to do. It's exaclty what I'm trying to do right now. My wife does txt me that she loves me and calls me baby but her actions aren't showing that at all. Try your damndest to get yourself going for your kids. They will respect you more in the end and you will be the bigger person for it in the long run. I know that all sounds very run of the mill tall but it's the truth.
Sportsman, get yourself some help NOW or you will not be able to move on in the long run.
Sportsman, get yourself some help NOW or you will not be able to move on in the long run.
thanks for the words, you are right and I need to get the train running again. I have spoken to the pastor of my church so that part I have done. My wife does not text me or tell me that she loves me so you have that, but it sounds like you are dealing with alot of bad stuff yourself. I hope all goes well for you and thanks again for the words.
Hi Sportsman.....I very much understand what you are going thru. My H left me on April 2 for the second time. I know where you are at with the dark thoughts because I am there myself. My situation is a little bit different, you can read my posts to get the details so I won't go into it here. You at least have your kids so you can focus on them and the other posters have some positive suggestions too. I have had to stay on this board all day for my sanity. I have no one to talk to so it's here or nothing. I am glad that we have this place to vent and others that will listen. I am trying to take each day as I can but I cannot afford the wait out too much longer due to my health. Just come here and post if you can't do anything else. It hurts to watch a long term marriage fall apart...mine is 16 years coming up on 17 in May although I may celebrate it alone.
Re: Separation Blue's
so i think ive finally decided to stop being her door mat.and refuse to play her game.but when i ask her what are WE doing SHE DOSENT KNOW!! she seems to have gotten past all the anger though,she quit finding reasons to get mad at me,maybe its certain phases they go through,but if your instincts tell you theres somebody else youd better listen.
Re: Separation Blue's
