I am sooooo stupid, I allowed my feelings for my wife to get in the way of rational thinking. My wife, ex, whatever has been nice the last few days as far as talking to me, more about the tone then anything else. This Thursday she is flying to Las Vegas to see her older sister get married for the third time (she is 38) I am not upset that she is going to the wedding since she should go but in the last 17 years we have never been to Las Vegas without each other, we were married there. So I am a little sad about the fun she will have without me. Anyway she asked me if she could "Borrow, give, loan out" whatever some money because she is low on cash. She also told me that she had been thinking that even though our divorce could be final in a few weeks that she has had some time to think (its been six months) and thinks that we should go to counseling at least once and see if that goes well and if it does then we can go again. I put my hands up, starting bouncing around, got so excited (since my arms are attached to strings and she is in control of them) I said sure and gave her money that I do not have so she could go to Las Vegas without me and have a great time. WTF!! This all happened today as far as giving her the money, then I get a call from a friend who is a friend on myspace with my wife. She asked me if our divorce is final, I said no, why? She said, because E has her status as divorced. Great!! This was all a ploy from her, tell me she will go to counseling so I will get happy and give her money for Vegas. Now I need to decide if I should go to this counseling session or not. My belief is, she will go because she said she would, but will say after that she didnt feel it and still wants the divorce. Now if I don't go, i will wonder if I should have and she will say that she was willing to go but I backed out. Bottom line is she has moved on, she acts like a single person and is still in control of me because I cannot move on. Today, when I gave her the money she gave me a kiss on the lips for the first time in many months, I thought it was a true sign of we might have a shot before the divorce is final, now I feel it was simply the kiss of death. I wish I could move on, move past her, I cant belive how weak I am about this, its not me but I am and she knows it. Anyway, I wonder how many times I am going to be punched in the face before I learn to duck..
Hey...don't beat yourself up so much. Give it some time, she what she actually does do then go from there. She if she keeps being nice. If you still have feelings and hope then just take it VERY SLOW, she could be trying to take it slow as well. Don't be down until given a reason to be. Maybe just maybe this is a door being opened. Just be cautious and not jump in w/both feet. My relationship statu has been single on MySpace for quite some time now. It has nothing to do w/the finality of my divorce. Just something I felt had to be done as to other things that were happening at the time.
My wife gets back from her Vegas trip tomorrow I will see how she acts. She only called once and that was to my 8 year old. Does not sound like a person that is serious about going to counseling with an open mind. She was with her mother the entire time so that does not look good either. I will post a comment on how she acts when she gets back and if we go to counseling what happened. I believe she will go and either say why she will not get back with me or will simply say that she went, feels nothing and its over. I know I am not very optimistic but then again she has not given me any reason to be. I will let you all know that read my posts what happens.
Thanks for reading and being there for me through this very difficult time.
Ugh. It sounds like you have it worse off than me. I may just be in a temporary "denial" period after 6 weeks of Monique being gone, but in the last few days I've been sleeping a bit better. You sound though like you're for the most part in the same place emotionally ever since February, which is a hellish long time to feel that way mentally.
this is probably a foolish man talking...the way i am handling it. As long as I still love my wife and wants to get back together, i can give up everything...so i keep reminding me not to find out if she is cheating, or if she is playing a game, etc because it really doesn't matter. i have to think positive if i want to be with her together
on the other hand, one day if i decided there is no hope. then it also doesn't matter what happened because i shouldn't care anymore
it doesn't make much sense. does it. yes. does sounds like a fool
I have been away from the site dealing with stuff I will send an update on what has happened since my wife got back from Vegas, i will give you a hint though, nothing good!! The difference is that even though I still feel bad and don't want her to be with someone new, her treatment of me is unnecessary, unfounded and not needed. She is not the same person I married and that is on her. She has not changed for the better, she really has turned into someone that I would never want to be with. If I met this person when we met except for her beauty I would have never looked at her again. More details to come.....
Sport's,
Glad your back with us buddy... I had been wondering about you and wishing you were ok.. Isn't it such a relief when the Rose colored glasses come off and you see them for what they have become ??? its almost liberating my friend.. I am pleased to hear from you.. drop a line and keep me posted..
The advice here has helped me a bunch. See my thread When Love Must Be Tough. This has helped me back off from my husband who so desperately wanted OUT of the marriage.
It goes against our nature but it sure gets them to thinking.
The MAIN thing here is working on yourself. It is very easy to overanalyze their movements and words.
Get counseling (church, etc) for yourself and keep it up. Read some self help books. Focus on career skills or resume building or whatever to get you employed. Work out. Basically, do it for yourself. Show her you are moving on!!!
Have been off the site for a bit, the divorce is almost final. She went to a singles mingle the other night, told my daughter she was going bowling with friend. Had emailed me two days prior that she was not ready to date and was hurting that the divorce was almost final. I let my heart guard down a little just to have it smashed finding out that she was out looking for dates. I saw a picture on her friends facebook of them with two guys, one had his arm around my almost ex wife. This still still really hurts me and I still am having a huge amount of trouble moving on even after 8 months. She just seems like she enjoys the pain that puts on me.
I will be back on soon and go into more detail. God Bless Everyone on this site that is dealing with divorce and separation. I know how painful it is....
Sounds like she wants to still hang on...perhaps a safety net?
I dont think she wants to hang on I think she just wanted to fu** with me because she knows that I still care and she does not. Still today after 8 months she refuses to admit in wrong doing on her part or act like there is any care at all. She had a conversation with my son who does not talk to her very much. From the beginning with him he has been upset that she just left without trying to fix the family. Anyway this past Sunday she talked to him and asked him if he loved her enough to just let this all go and he told her no.. She was so upset that the next day she posted on facebook that she was "happy how everything just works out".. WTF does that mean??? I am assuming she is excited about this guy or guys she met at the single's mingle the two days after she was telling me that she is emotionally drained and does not want to date anyone and has not dated anyone. But how can she be in a good mood when her 15 year old son told her that he does not love her enough to let this go. The bottom line is she just does not feel like she is wrong in any way. She acts like everything is my fault even why my son wont talk to her. When they were done talking she told him that the only reason he is like this to her is because of me. He looked at her and said you are out of your mind, the reason I am like this to you is because of you. Why dont you take responsibility for what YOU have done, and she wouldnt do it. She told him that what she does is not his business. You would think that after all she has done and the 8 months that have past that I would be ok. The thought of her with another guy drives me insane, I swear, I still have bad dreams and feel like my life is over, it is so crazy that I cannot get past this. I know I have to or die, but my god this has been so very very hard...
That is what happens when a spouse is selfish and irrational. The things/people that were MOST important to her are secondary.
What have you done to make yourself feel better during these times. I know it's difficult. Could you see yourself dating? Nothing serious but getting out there?
That is what happens when a spouse is selfish and irrational. The things/people that were MOST important to her are secondary.
What have you done to make yourself feel better during these times. I know it's difficult. Could you see yourself dating? Nothing serious but getting out there?
Funny that you mentioned that. I signed up on Match.com because I did not want to go thru the whole start up dating thing and have gone out with 10 different women. (Sounds crazy that I am freaking out that she might be dating when I have done the same) The difference is really, I go out to get my mind off of her, she is going out I believe to put herself out there. I have met some very nice attractive ladies who have liked me and we had fun, the problem, I thought about my wife/ex whatever almost the whole time. Thinking about when we used to go out and wishing it was her that I was with. There is one girl, who treats me better the my wife/ex ever did, I mean really sweet etc. I am not as attracted to her as my wife/ex but she is pretty and everything else about her is awesome. I cannot get past the fact that I still want my wife/ex, so I do not allow myself to really enjoy the company and then find a way to end it with these women before it turns into something more. Stupid, I know but I cant seem to move on. Really the thought of her with another dude haunts me, the thought of her spending time with another guy and my kids kills me. I struggle with trying to decide if this is normal and I will get over it in my own time and the other part of me thinks I should force myself to hate her to see if that will help. However that does not stop the heart from feeling like it does and having those dreams and thoughts of her with someone else. When I saw the picture of this dude with his arm around her, nothing big but for a picture at the singles mingle I almost had a heart attack and then a melt down. Thank god for Vodka that day... Anyway, its my problem I just need to figure out how to let go and how to handle all of that stuff.. Maybe when I meet the right person this will be easier but I think that I should not even try until I am at peace with all of this.
Hey Sportsman, if it makes u feel any better its been 9 months since the ex and I split, our divorce was final in June and him being with other people kills me and haunts my dreams too, the ex and I do hang out here and there and that's probably most likely a majority of my problem and I probably just need to get away from him but I can't its so very hard when you still love someobe...I have tried to hate him but I can't and he's put my little heart through the ringer. Its crazy I don't know if he's fooling himself or if its its me fooling myself but it seems the two of us can't stay apart.
Sorry off topic there a little but I just wantyou to know there's someone in your shoes in a similar situation who can understand your pain. I hope one day everything works out for the two of us. Keep talking. I wish I could talk more but I'm afraid if I laid the whole situation out there people on here would tell me I'm crazy lol!
Maybe one day I will there some crazy stories on here that would make mine seem not to bad in comparison, I don't know we'll see.
You're in my prayers. It takes time. I'm not there yet either.
Re: Separation Blue's
I will send an update on what has happened since my wife got back from Vegas, i will give you a hint though, nothing good!! The difference is that even though I still feel bad and don't want her to be with someone new, her treatment of me is unnecessary, unfounded and not needed. She is not the same person I married and that is on her. She has not changed for the better, she really has turned into someone that I would never want to be with. If I met this person when we met except for her beauty I would have never looked at her again. More details to come.....
