Originally Posted by melissa68
I have a question about child support/alimony etc....can you file for it without filing for divorce?
I am just now seeing this, and I am so sorry that your story is ongoing, and that things are unfolding the way they are. I feel so bad for you and your boys. How are they doing through all of this? How are you doing given that you started your externships? Holy cow.
Anyway, you may have already done this, but I wanted to comment just in case. I was able to file for child support and custody without filing for divorce the last time my H left us. I printed the paperwork off of the court's website and took it in. I didn't even have to pay a fee that day. I was granted an ex parte hearing with the judge, who signed the orders that afternoon. Quick and easy and protected the kids through the whole mess. I was not going to file the divorce because I am not the one who walked away, but I damn sure was going to protect myself and my kids from his silliness. You have been more than fair with your H, and it's time for you to worry about you and the kids now. File for custody and child support.
I will also tell you that there is a benefit to your doing it this way now, regardless of how ticked off he is going to get. Like your H, mine has abandoned us many times when he's having one of his fits. Well, I made sure to put that all in the paperwork -- father abandons child regularly, does not contact or check on child for weeks on end, last time was on Christmas Day (and this was the one that really sealed the deal). The judge heard the story and had no issues whatsoever about signing an order giving me full custody.
It also helped to set the stage for permanent visitation/custody orders, because it was to be heard in the same court. Had we gotten that far, he was going to have to explain himself and his actions and justify why he should have any contact with the kids. After my hearing, as I was finalizing some paperwork with the clerk's office, the bailiff stopped me on the way out and told me, "We can't give you legal advice, but I think the judge would tell you, if he could, to find a lawyer who will insist on supervised visits only, and I don't think you would have a problem getting that order signed in this court."
The reality is this: No matter what you do, your H is going to find fault with it and beat you up as much as he can. Now that he has another woman, he is going to be in the fog and really won't be worried about stepping up and tending to his fatherly responsibilities. File for custody and child support at the very least so that you know regardless of what he does for work he will be providing some support for the children, and that he can't get a hair up his a$$ and decide one day to come grab Dylan.
This also helps to level the playing field some, too. Up to now, he's been running the show, calling the shots, and put you in a position where you're begging for answers -- because you deserve them! -- and he won't provide you any, just wants to insult you and call you names. By filing paperwork with the court, he'll wake up quickly and figure out that you're taking some of your control back. He won't like it, I will tell you that now, but it's something you have to do for you and your kids. You guys can't go on in limbo like this forever....and as much as he talks, he hasn't filed himself yet, has he? He wants to keep you there as an option, in case the other woman doesn't work out. Refuse to be his option and put him on notice by filing the paperwork that supporting his kids isn't a choice he gets to make and that you are ready to move on without him.
You can do this!!