Sorry if this gets long-
Some of you know that my H left us 5 weeks ago....just seemingly out of the blue within an hour of us returning from a weekend away. He got in a conflict with the neighbor....came in the house, packed his things and left. There has been little contact...all initiated by me...mostly through email as he either wont answer his phone or hangs up on me when I call. When he does talk to me, its usually to say vicious cruel things or worse just cold and unfeeling statements about how he will never come home.
Fast forward to yesterday. I am doing an internship for medical assisting and had to go in yesterday. My little one wasent feeling well when I got up...coughing, wheezing, achy. I usually leave him with my 15 yr old when I go in but felt bad leaving him sick. So I tried to call his dad. His phone was off. I left a msg and tried to call his moms house as thats where he is staying. No answer...I left a msg. I go to work...get home. H had never called to see how Dylan was or come over to see about him. He did end up calling later in the day. I picked up assuming he was finally doing so. I say hello and he barks at me "you need to keep your freakin hands off MY money and stop taking it out of the bank" his next statement was "you wont have to worry about it because there wont be any for you next week" and he hung up. our agreement was he would leave a certain amt in the acct as 'support' for me to use for the kids and I to pay bills, groceries etc. Well I knew better but called back and got just horrible things shouted at me....cruel and mean and had nothing to do with the money or anything relavant.
Today he calls again...wow two calls in two days....to tell me that I am to pay his car payment today as the money I took he was going to use for it and now he can't so I should pay it or put his money back. That led in to many threats by him of 1. him calling the police saying I stole his money out of our joint acct 2. the tax money we got back he'll call and report that I stole that from him too....3. he will just come and take the van *that I drive*.....it goes on and on.
The pathetic thing is that I nearly thought about paying off the car for him before his call. I even called the place we got it from and asked about the payoff....how much we're behind. I explained the situation and her advice was to not do it...she said being nice to someone who would walk out on you like that isnt going to get you anywhere but walked on more....then she explained it wouldnt affect my credit as it was an in house financing.
Am I pathetic for thinking about helping with the car? Is it my job to? I do have all tax refund we got but I also have three children and myself to take care of and he keeps making threats that he's not going to help. He had a choice to relocate with his company or give up his job and stay here. He chose to give up his job...so I'm assuming he's going on unemployment and wont be helping us at all in a month.
He sounded like such a child when we spoke....throwing out such mean things, many that made no sense and were just meant to hurt....such as when I commented for him to ask his mom to help him with the car since he's decided to go back to being a little boy and living at home again. His comeback was "well we know you wont be doing that since your mom is dead" nice right? He asked why I kept calling and wanted him back if I thought he was so crazy....which I did call him during the call....at that point I didnt even have an answer except that he seems like two people to me...the one he is when he's not raging and this one. We used to jokingly call him the Hulk because it was that drastic a change....nice normal man to raging cruel guy.....
Keep the money///.. Go for CHILD SUPPORT or you will be **c*ed. Mines was the same about HIS money, you will never win with that situation. Do he care if you and your kid eat so why care about his car payment.
Leave him alone until he show a sign that he misses you.
Personally, I would not initiate contact with him for anything!!! If all you will be met with is insults, him saying horrible things to you and no help what would be the point?
There should be no question about the tax refund, you have children to take care of and that's what it should be used for, not for God knows what he would be using it for, whether it's for the car or not, kids come first....
He can't call the cops on you for anything that's "joint", and chances are they will see what a raving lunatic he is anyway.
Use that money for the kids, and, even if it's used on groceries, keep your receipts just in case....
Greeneyes...you are more than right and I've known this from the get go....but I keep going back for more trying to see if the "other" side has returned or not....apparently he's dead and gone for good this time. I won't be calling again. I may have to tie my hands up at times but today was eye opening to say the least.
I have a question about child support/alimony etc....can you file for it without filing for divorce?
yes its a joint acct....one we opened a week before he left...s'plain that one Lucy....I dont get why he did a lot of things he did right before he left....that was one of them...signing us all up for health ins at his work as a surprise to me....we had talked about it and I told him it was too much we could do without....he came home and told me he went ahead and did it because he wanted us all to be healthy and protected....its 300 a mth for coverage. Why do that if you're leaving?
Anyway I know none of his threats have any validity....it was like a little boy kicking and screaming...give me my way or I'll.... sad really. I'm not going to make his car payment....I am keeping all the tax money and I will be at the bank next friday taking out whatever I can then too.....screw him. He wanted this....well welcome to it. My kids aren't going to suffer over his selfishness.
Greeneyes...you are more than right and I've known this from the get go....but I keep going back for more trying to see if the "other" side has returned or not....apparently he's dead and gone for good this time. I won't be calling again. I may have to tie my hands up at times but today was eye opening to say the least.
I have a question about child support/alimony etc....can you file for it without filing for divorce?
Even if the other side returns, you know it will be temporary, and after everything he's done and said he should be contacting you if the other side returns and royally kissing your a$$ for all the crap that's he's done/said to you....The way he's acting right now is ridiculous!!!!! Tie your hands up, clean, read, get on the computer, do anything to keep yourself from picking up that phone...I know it's the hardest thing ever, but you will be much happier and less stressed in the end when you leave it be...
As for child support it probably varies by state...I don't know how that works if you're still married because I've never had to deal with that. I would call an attorney because usually you can get a free consultation...
yes its a joint acct....one we opened a week before he left...s'plain that one Lucy....I dont get why he did a lot of things he did right before he left....that was one of them...signing us all up for health ins at his work as a surprise to me....we had talked about it and I told him it was too much we could do without....he came home and told me he went ahead and did it because he wanted us all to be healthy and protected....its 300 a mth for coverage. Why do that if you're leaving?
Anyway I know none of his threats have any validity....it was like a little boy kicking and screaming...give me my way or I'll.... sad really. I'm not going to make his car payment....I am keeping all the tax money and I will be at the bank next friday taking out whatever I can then too.....screw him. He wanted this....well welcome to it. My kids aren't going to suffer over his selfishness.
that_girl....Ive wondered myself. The personality change is so drastic...I thought that or another woman....he denies both but I doubt he'd tell me really.
I have a question....his name is still on the lease here...renting...does he have a right to just come in the house should he want to? I've changed the locks already but am afraid he'll do something like that and try and take some of the property
Conrad,
Oh yes....he has a very bad childhood. His dad was an alcoholic and left the household for a time to get cleaned up. His mom is a lot like he is now....at least this side of him...cold and uncaring...I've heard many stories from him and his sisters about the abuse...though they dont call it that...I sure do.....made to pick switches off the tree to get beat with....
He did a lot of drugs in his early years....into his late twenties....
I knew all this...I guess I was just enough messed up from my first marriage that I thought things would be ok. This is far from the first time he's walked out...its just the first time he's stayed gone....and its far from the first time he's been vulgar and cruel with his words.
Time for me to accept that he has problems that go beyond what is going to change without him getting help and he won't do that....so...
4Likes
Venting.... 
Moron he is.
