My ex was frequently baiting me with little praises of affirmation (thanks for being such a good father through all this, our son loves you so much) she even has tried feeding me some sort of little apologies via text messages such as "I'm sorry for what I've put you through" etc. I don't bite, don't acknowledge her words and certainly don't reciprocate, she has stopped I think.
Kisses and hugs would be more than confusing... but he stopped those a long time ago.
I apologize and mean it to my H that I didn't know he was unhappy he never talked about it (except while fighting) and I said some mean things one night ... but never did I want him to leave or us not to work on things. I said some stuff that was immature and have apologized . He has apologized some... at first ... but I don't think he truly means it (just says it to relieve guilt). I also tell him I still love him (it's been a few weeks and I don't say it lightly) but it's true, but not as begging him to come back just to let him know. I think he is in a MLC and not sure how long I will wait but I do have to put my kids in the equation.
Kisses and hugs would be more than confusing... but he stopped those a long time ago.
I apologize and mean it to my H that I didn't know he was unhappy he never talked about it (except while fighting) and I said some mean things one night ... but never did I want him to leave or us not to work on things. I said some stuff that was immature and have apologized . He has apologized some... at first ... but I don't think he truly means it (just says it to relieve guilt). I also tell him I still love him (it's been a few weeks and I don't say it lightly) but it's true, but not as begging him to come back just to let him know. I think he is in a MLC and not sure how long I will wait but I do have to put my kids in the equation.
I never asked my husband to come back. Maybe I should, I have nothing to lose. He texted me the other day and said "If I can do anything to help, let me know." Well, I am going to let him know. I need him to stop running away and work on our f****** marriage!
Yes, when the moment is right....
I am sorry I know it goes against 180 but sometimes people just want to know you want them still and if you haven't asked how will you know?
Yes, when the moment is right....
I am sorry I know it goes against 180 but sometimes people just want to know you want them still and if you haven't asked how will you know?
I am sure he wants to hear that...but I also know I am probably shooting myself in the foot. At this point, I have to do all that I can to save this marriage. I guess marriage means more to me than it does to him.
Kisses and hugs would be more than confusing... but he stopped those a long time ago.
I apologize and mean it to my H that I didn't know he was unhappy he never talked about it (except while fighting) and I said some mean things one night ... but never did I want him to leave or us not to work on things. I said some stuff that was immature and have apologized . He has apologized some... at first ... but I don't think he truly means it (just says it to relieve guilt). I also tell him I still love him (it's been a few weeks and I don't say it lightly) but it's true, but not as begging him to come back just to let him know. I think he is in a MLC and not sure how long I will wait but I do have to put my kids in the equation.
I think praise, words of affirmation, hugs and kisses definitely make me feel good and give me strength, just not coming from her.
Weird things happened to me yesterday, was driving my car and for the first time since I found out about OM#2 I was able to visualize in my minds eye what it might be like to hug/kiss/embrace my ex W again, there was a tiny spark that allowed me to keep visualizing, but there was nothing there, it was all empty and I couldn't even get to a point of pleasure in that.
Then last night had a surreal dream that she just moved back into my house, was still carrying out her single dating life but just wanted me as one of her collection or something... I had no choice, when I started to realize what was happening I didn't have a chance to get angry because she started cleaning and doing all the things I always felt she neglected... but still I didn't want her and was too paralyzed to tell her to get lost. I awoke before I had the chance to put it right in my dream. weird dream.
Mine actually thought he was going to have a lifetime of cake eating... somewhere in his apparently lobotomized brain, he thought he would stay with the kids in the family condo during the week while I travelled for work, and then go back to his love nest with the ***** on weekends.
HOW CONVENIENT FOR HIM!!
NOT... I changed the locks, am working with my employer on more local work, have a friend stay with the girls when I do hav to travel, and slapped an exclusive use motion on his stupid cheating lying ass.
My dreams have been having H come into them too. They wake me up around 4 - I don't finish mine either I wake up in such a funk and confusion. I know my brain is trying to work things through that I haven't but... man 4 hours asleep is not helping me heal (physically/emotionally).
Yes, when the moment is right....
I am sorry I know it goes against 180 but sometimes people just want to know you want them still and if you haven't asked how will you know?
I think if you have to ask....you already know what the answer is.
Any dumper who is having misgivings seriously enough will come to you to talk it through. By asking, all you are doing is stoking their ego, and I think it would serve more to validate their actions rather than anything else.
I think if you have to ask....you already know what the answer is.
Any dumper who is having misgivings seriously enough will come to you to talk it through. By asking, all you are doing is stoking their ego, and I think it would serve more to validate their actions rather than anything else.
Okay, WD what if it weren't asked just "your welcome back if you want to come back" rather than asking?
My H has got the biggest chocolate cake with chocolate frosting on and he's enjoying every bit of it. Wish I had the strength to shove it in his face!!! Posted via Mobile Device
Its best just to not give any credence to any compliments our exes or STBXs give us. They lied to us about their affairs and threw our expressions of love for them back in our faces.
Well, they do need to hold up their reputation/image in front of their partners. It's all fear based...they usually get their affair partners by telling how terrible their spouses were, and how saintly they were...so if the loyal spouse cuts them off communication wise it looks kind of bad. Especially if the LS is a good parent, doesn't go out and party, isn't sleeping around, and is doing great now that the cheater/abandoner is gone. The new partner thinks...this doesn't add up. So, take it with a grain of salt, it's a new form of deceit and gaslighting, you're being used but you can always just hang up.
Okay, WD what if it weren't asked just "your welcome back if you want to come back" rather than asking?
Hey m2m....If you were to do that, all you are achieving is showing them you are willing to be their backup person. It can only serve to validate their actions....and open yourself up to be hurt over, and over, and over again. It is so hard (I am about to start that cutting away process), but I think demonstrating to them that the door is still cracked open is quite possibly the worst thing you can do. Posted via Mobile Device
Hey m2m....If you were to do that, all you are achieving is showing them you are willing to be their backup person. It can only serve to validate their actions....and open yourself up to be hurt over, and over, and over again. It is so hard (I am about to start that cutting away process), but I think demonstrating to them that the door is still cracked open is quite possibly the worst thing you can do. Posted via Mobile Device
I go back and forth with this... we have been together since we were in HS and almost 3 decades together. I believe he is in MLC and I don't know if he has OW (maybe online and maybe having EA). I started feeling things going south for about 18mos but just figured it was a down in our marriage. He left, moved out to get some space and I have many kids and I guess I have left the door open for now because of our history and our kids. I have done a bit of the 180. I rarely initiate contact unless it's kid/finance related and time essential.
I guess I do keep my hopes up too much... he knows he has done a lot of damage(but so have I) and is thinking that he may have done too much harm to come home and try to fix it, but is unwilling to do seek help in MC/IC or anything else.
24Likes
Re: no cake eating! 
