My W, cheated on me 7 years ago, I did the 180. Things did not go well for her. I took her back for the sake of our family, and worked hard onreconcileation. Fast forward to 6 months ago. Over the past year I discovered EA's and confronted her with them. Of course she denied them. Even with evidence. 6 months ago, she gets a new job that requires travel. 3 months ago, she walks out on me and her children again. I discover even more EA's, she even went out to dinner with them. Still denies it, but says all she wants is her own life. She says she is an adult, and she can do what she wants. Bottom line is, I dont want her back. The boys and I are fine. Better even. How do I interact with her? The 180 doesnt seem to apply. The above information is only the tip of the iceburg this soap opera of a marriage had become over the past 10 years. Twenty one years in total. Im, finished with her drama and manipulation.
If you don't want her, file for divorce and be done.
People always mistake the 180 as "trying to get your spouse back." That's not what it is. They are things you do to feel better about yourself/move forward with your life. It has nothing to do with trying to keep your spouse. It's to protect yourself/better yourself/move on.
No I havent. I have an apt. with an attorney. But, watching the sheer volumn of texting going on, she is working hard to land him. In time, the PI will get what I need. She is quickly working on her new life, and her contact with her children is slowly deminishing. What I dont get, is that she wants me to be the one to file first. Strategy? Guilt? Both? our lives are better without her. Im just making sure I dont get taken advantage of anymore.
We have already been seperated 3 months. Fastest 3 months in my life. Here we either have to be seperated 1 year before we can file. Or, get some information, I can file tomorrow. We have been seperated for the required 3 months.
Personally I wouldn't even hire a P.I. That's wasted $ that you could use on the divorce. You already know she is a serial cheater and have decided you dont want to be married to her.
Who knows why she won't file first. Not your problem anymore. Do it yourself and carry on.
Not here. I need third party proof, so alimony is out. Completely off the table. The rest is a business negotiation as far as I am concerned. I know, its not really, because lives and emotions are involved.
I could always get the proof I need, and keep it under wraps. Of course it would be cheaper to do it ourselves. But, this would be a valuable bargaining tool should she choose to not fulfill on promises. Cant really trust her anyway. She hasnt even spoken, texted, or even wanted to see her children in a couple of weeks. I know I might be coming off harsh. But, Ive been living with this kind of behavior a very long time. Just need to protect my children, my future interests. There is alot on the line.
I could always get the proof I need, and keep it under wraps. Of course it would be cheaper to do it ourselves. But, this would be a valuable bargaining tool should she choose to not fulfill on promises. Cant really trust her anyway. She hasnt even spoken, texted, or even wanted to see her children in a couple of weeks. I know I might be coming off harsh. But, Ive been living with this kind of behavior a very long time. Just need to protect my children, my future interests. There is alot on the line.
This divorce should be a slam dunk for you. As far as I can see you will not be fighting over the children. She has moved on with her life. It looks like you will be negotiating financial matters for the most part. You should consider yourself lucky, you are in your house with your children. Why would you want her back after all this anyway. I think she is trying to take the highroad by moving out and letting you file first.
I know her patterns all too well. She is spending her energies towards cultivating her new "relationship". I simply cant imagine marriages being this toxic.
Quite possibly Gonefishin. Her friends tell me that she is feeling very guilty about leaving. They tell me she is doing this for herself, and she wants her own life. She has told her mother that she never signed on to be a housewife. This really threw me. I never expected her to be a "housewife". When she wanted to work outside the house. She did. When she didnt, I still had to hire people to clean house, and when the children were smaller, had daycare. I cooked, cleaned inbetween the housekeepers, did laundry when needed. Its actually easier and cheaper now, being a single father.
3Likes
But, I dont want her back. 
