I dated people while I had a FWB. They knew I had a friend for my needs. Dating doesn't mean sex for me. I had a good sex life with an awesome friend and was dating people for romance, etc. But by dating, I mean I would go out a couple times. Nothing was serious or exclusive. If I wanted to sleep with someone, I waited a whole cycle to sleep with the other person and wouldn't sleep with my FWB.
When I met Hubs, I didn't even know his name but told my FWB that I couldn't do it anymore because I was completely TWITTERPATED! It was another 3 months before Hubs and I started dating.
I grew up thinking sex had to be this big "thing" in life. But then I turned 30 and realized sex could be anything i wanted it to be. And I like sex with someone I can trust, communicate with, talk to, etc. The dating scene is scary with lots of people who just want sex. I was very clear that i wouldn't be sleeping with them and some wouldn't call back and some would. I was always honest though. My body, my choices. Never had a problem with dating.
Sex never changed our friendship. It just made us closer. We are still friends now but don't really hang out or talk because he now lives in Peru with his beautiful girlfriend. There was never a desire for a relationship with him...we were very different in that aspect. We made GREAT friends and amazing lovers, but would have sucked as partners. lol. It worked for us.
Well, all I can say is great for you that you had such a handle on the whole FWB thing, but obviously, it's not for everyone.
Dating doesn't always mean sex for me either, but personally, there is no way I would (knowingly) date a man who was already having a sexual relationship with someone else, and I dont care what he called it. On the flip side, I certainly couldn't see myself sitting there on a date telling a man that I had a FWB. I mean, what is the guy going to think of me? And if I've gone to the trouble to get dolled up, go on a date with him, YES I absolutely do care what he thinks of me, before anyone asks...
I always wondered this about FWB...If your friend is so awesome, then why aren't you together??? If you're screwing him, and no one else, thats exclusivity, isnt' it? He's your boyfriend, just without the title!
A family friend and I - he is in a similar divorce situation, and he too is a FT single parent, were together with a bunch of friends a few weekends ago.
Well, we embarked upon a friends with benefits relationship... it was all good since we live several states away, and we only see each other now and again because of it.
The first week after, he was communicating with me fairly often, I was fine with that. And he was telling me he wanted to see me again in a few weeks (I was fine with that too)-- some of the communication was um, well, rather steamy and not G-rated (again totally ok with me )
All seemed good, we were having fun, we were communicating now and then.... and the last communication I had from his was very steamy!
Then nothing... I still consider him a friend, and don't quite get why he'd just stop communicating with me at all, even to just return a hey are you going to XYZ this weekend like we planned.
Any thoughts?
be careful with this Lisa It didnt work for Jerry and Elaine
I always wondered this about FWB...If your friend is so awesome, then why aren't you together??? If you're screwing him, and no one else, thats exclusivity, isnt' it? He's your boyfriend, just without the title!
For us two reasons, we live far away from each other, and we are both going through difficult divorces... when all that settles who knows?
Well, all I can say is great for you that you had such a handle on the whole FWB thing, but obviously, it's not for everyone.
Dating doesn't always mean sex for me either, but personally, there is no way I would (knowingly) date a man who was already having a sexual relationship with someone else, and I dont care what he called it. On the flip side, I certainly couldn't see myself sitting there on a date telling a man that I had a FWB. I mean, what is the guy going to think of me? And if I've gone to the trouble to get dolled up, go on a date with him, YES I absolutely do care what he thinks of me, before anyone asks...
I always wondered this about FWB...If your friend is so awesome, then why aren't you together??? If you're screwing him, and no one else, thats exclusivity, isnt' it? He's your boyfriend, just without the title!
Who cares what the man thinks of you. I wasn't dating to find my Mr. Right. I was just dating people to go out and have a good time. Not all dating is to find a boyfriend. I was happily single
I wasn't with my FWB because at some point I knew I wanted to be married. He didn't. I was not a neat freak...he was very anal. He didn't want children. I already had one! Sex was good. Friendship was awesome.
No one was hurt with my arrangement. There was no drama. The men I dated knew where I stood. They weren't looking for anything serious either. It was a good time in my life. Just fun. Nothing serious. No drama. No problems No, my FWB was not my boyfriend. We saw each other maybe 4 times a month? Yea. I am a sexual being but I was so busy with so many things...so the need would hit and one of us would call to hang out
I didn't care if the guys I was dating were seeing anyone else. I wasn't sleeping with them, so why should I care? We'd go out, have a good time, I made some friends, dating one guy for a few months, maybe a total of 7 times...
Sure, it's not for everyone, but no need to act like it's Soooooo bad! I was 30 at this time. He was 26, I believe. grown people. People are raised to think dating means you have to be exclusive. That if you date 3 times, it's time for sex or bf/gf titles. I had my good sex. It took a TON of pressure of my dating life. Who cares if the guys never called me back...I wasn't looking for anything special. Just livin' life and loving where I was in it.
Theeeennnn I met Hubs though, and that was it. I hadn't even dated Hubs and I just knew I'd want to bang him So...I told my FWB that we had to call it quits. He understood and that was that.
We were still friends WITHOUT sex for a long while after I was seeing Hubs. But then as Hubs and I got more together, my friend and I lost touch (as it happens). He got a gf (who is great) and I got Hubs
Then I must be backward...the men I'd go out with for a good time (that I wasn't having sex with) were my friends. The man (or men, sometimes) that I was having sex with were boyfriends; er...I was single a long time and I wasn't always exclusive.
I never said it was 'bad'; just sounds complicated!
Who cares what the man thinks of you. I wasn't dating to find my Mr. Right. I was just dating people to go out and have a good time. Not all dating is to find a boyfriend. I was happily single
You, as a woman, have an unfair advantage: unlimited supply of enthusiastic sex partners. When a man dates and goes out to have a good time he is not necessarily looking for ms right either, he is looking for sex. I would find it deplorable if the woman I was trying to date was already having her sexual needs fulfilled by some guy waiting in her bed, charging her batteries while some other dude gets to "discharge" them. I hope you were atleast honest and upfront otherwise there are a lot of man you made angry out there (and with some valid reason). If I found out the woman I was dating was a cake eater and just using me as a security guard it would be the end of the date.
FWB sounds great in theory....no strings attached, at the end of the evening you go back to your seperate lives, call each other when you feel like it.
But.....in practice
Someone almost always gets attached to the other person, reveals it, the fun ends, and someone gets hurt.
If two people are super good at detaching, are in a place where they are recently divorced or aren't ready for a relationship, then maybe it could work. I think the best option is just date, have fun, see what happens. Sex just complicates things.
Men do this shet allll the time and ARE NOT HONEST. So what's the big deal if a woman does it and is honest?
i didn't use any man for money. I had my own.
Security guard? LMFAO! Hardly. I'd go on a couple dates with people. NO SERIOUSNESS. And i dont' sleep with people within a couple dates anyway. The other guy I dated knew up front and we'd hang out anyway...for a couple months. Again, nothing serious. I had a kid to take care of and NO ONE met my child.
Men do this shet allll the time and ARE NOT HONEST. So what's the big deal if a woman does it and is honest?
I didn't accuse you of being dishonest, just said "I hope you were..." To me this is just about informed consent.
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I'd go on a couple dates with people. NO SERIOUSNESS. And i dont' sleep with people within a couple dates anyway...
Exactly, you didn't need to because you were getting your sexual needs met by your F Buddy, which is why I would find it deplorable (especially if you were dishonest about it). When most men invest into a relationship getting to either sex or rejection is the driving factor, and in your position with F Buddy you weren't ready to offer your dates either. Don't get me wrong, men may be having a fun time just "hanging out" with you, but unless they are "nice guys" seeking a woman's approval, or gay, we really hate getting friend zoned.
I guess for me, and all the guys I know, when we date we are looking for the whole package, but my friends and I don't keep f buddies on the side, we also aren't all the bad boy types that the pretty women seem to flock to so we don't really have the option of picking and choosing.
It's all in the past though. And it worked wonderfully for me
I'm married and committed now so who really cares what I did in the past. I just commented on this thread to say that it can work. You just have to be upfront about what you want and honest with the people involved. Communicate .
My past isn't really here for debate. I have lived a good life.
If you couldn't have handled it, then we wouldn't date again...or finish that date. I wouldn't have cared much at that time.
this all changed, of course, when I saw Hubs for the first time. I was his before I knew his name.
19Likes
Re: Friends with benefits.... 
It was another 3 months before Hubs and I started dating. 
)
I was 30 at this time. He was 26, I believe. grown people. People are raised to think dating means you have to be exclusive. That if you date 3 times, it's time for sex or bf/gf titles. I had my good sex. It took a TON of pressure of my dating life. Who cares if the guys never called me back...I wasn't looking for anything special. Just livin' life and loving where I was in it.
