Originally Posted by daisygirl 41
I think Catherine is absolutely spot on. She has described my H and our relationship perfectly!
Thankyou Cathetine for your insight!
I asked him a couple of weeks Ago what does he feel when he sees me now and he said guilt, shame and sadness! I don't make him feel good anymore and that's the bottom line.
M2M Had a lovely afternoon Thankyou. H is popping down later to see my daughter. I'm going to go out : - )
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Again this is wild speculation so don't take it at face value. It you have evidence that it may be true or if you want to reinterpret some of your previous assumptions - it may help.
No no Daisy, you still don't have it right I think. You said "I don't make him feel good anymore and that's the bottom line."
It is not that YOU don't make him feel good, it is HE who cannot feel good about himself. This predated the affair.
That was probably where he started at the beginning of your relationship? He was never able to overcome his insecurities during the relationship.
He is sad but not because he had the affair, it goes much deeper, he is sad because he failed to work hard enough to be the man he was capable of being.
You could not have made him happy or feel good. That's because you have no control over how he feels about himself.
Your warmth and love probably makes him feel unworthy, that's why HE does not feel good with you.
You were not replaced by this OW. She cannot hold a candle to you. That's the point, the OW is like a bandaid for his feelings of failure as a man, a husband and father.
She makes him feel good because she has not yet discover his inadequacies. When she does and starts to lean on him for change, then the fantasy will lift. He will be left with himself again.
I am going to predict that he will regret his actions within two years and he will long to have you in his life again. But he will have paid for his folly, selfishness and lack of compassion by longing from afar.
Daisy I hope you will not derail your life and take him back if he is the same as he is now. He will be the same man and he will feel the same way with you and he is likely to cheat again because of it.
Maybe one day he will face his demons but I don't think you can help him. If you mother him, you will keep yourself in bondage to him. He will continue to live like a teenager with a mom and a gf with little responsibilities.
Don't feel envious when he spends time with her. It is empty time, with no substance and he probably knows it. He knows he cannot not live up to the expectation of even a needy woman.
Don't judge the relationship by outside appearances. The cracks are well hidden at this point. They probably realize their folly but cannot admit it. Think about it.
You are sympathetic but don't act on your sympathy for your husband. You will stunt whatever chance he has for growth.
Let him battle this one out on his own if you love him. It is hard but, I think you need to see leaving him as an act of love.