Hi everyone
Just a quick update
He has Definately ended it with the OW. I have lots of hard proof.
The letter was sincere and heartfelt. I won't go into details but as a regular on TAM I know the things to look out for now.
True remorse
Taken complete ownership of what he has done
Aknoledged the pain he has caused.
Has said that he know his words mean nothing to me now but that he is fully aware that only his actions will prove to me that he is sincere.
We talked yesterday for 6 hours. I'm exhausted. He was open and honest. He answered every question I had.
We talked about our marriage, the past and the future.
He said he wanted to finish with her a while ago but felt backed into a corner didn't know how tog rt out of it.
He also said that he doesn't expect to just walk straight back into my life as he knows the pain he has caused me. He knows I'm hurting and so afraid of letting him in again.
He admits that he was having some kind of mid life crisis and we spoke a out why we think this all happened.
There's a long way to go yet. But I'm taking it slow. I feel so weary and guarded and I've told him that. He understands that it's going to take a long time before I am able to trust him again but he has said he is willing to do all the hard work and prove to me in his actions that he wants to be with me.
There's lots to tell you all. I've found out loads about the OW. She's turned out to be a real bunny boiller!! Gotta laugh!! One of the girls enjoy works with H told me yesterday that the OW was turning herself into me! She had been Lookking at my FB pictures and started wearing the same clothes mad me and doing her hair like mine. Telling my H that she and her kids like doing all the things we used to do as a family etc etc. H says he feels like an idiot and couldn't see it until it was pointed out to him. Basically she told him everything he wanted to hear
And tried to change herself into me to get him to love her. My H feels very foolish and stupid.
He told me that he was sat in her house Saturday night and it was like a lightbulb had gone off in his heart and his head and he didn't want to be there. All he wanted was to come home to me. That's when he knew it was over and even if I didn't want him back being with her was not what he wanted.
So I'm going away to my sisters for a couple of days to have a break. I will catch up with you all in a few days time and let you know how it's going.
Take care all
And Thankyou xxxx Posted via Mobile Device
Daisy, im happy for you....i hope your reconcilliation is going smoother than mine.
Can i just asked you one thing because i am in a similar situation now, I know you said that he has definately ended it with the OW and he has given you lots of hard proof, does he also leave his job?
Daisy, im happy for you....i hope your reconcilliation is going smoother than mine.
Can i just asked you one thing because i am in a similar situation now, I know you said that he has definately ended it with the OW and he has given you lots of hard proof, does he also leave his job?
I would suggest he has to. NC means NC. Daisy needs peace and security in her life after all she's been through. She won't get that if her husband is still working with the OW.
I would suggest he has to. NC means NC. Daisy needs peace and security in her life after all she's been through. She won't get that if her husband is still working with the OW.
I understand what you all are saying but depending on job availability and his qualifications it may be easier said than done. If he is under contract at his school or district it may be impossible until the contract is up. They do have kids and a house to support.... as long as he is going through active motions of changing or maybe she will change (if she moves due to her divorce).
Hi everyone. Thankyou for you thoughts.
Things are going well. We are talking talking talking which is great. It has been over a year since my h has opened up to me and it's as if he just wants to get it all off his chest. I can see the man I fell in love with returning and it's wonderful.
He is answering all my questions and being patient and loving. He really wants to recommit to our marriage again.
In answer to your question Downunder , no be hasn't quit is job. BUT the OW has not returned to school since he finished it and has turned out to be extremely unstable. She has. Een txtin him and hassling him since he finished it and be has shown me all the messages. He is completely ignoring her. There is a chance that she will not return to school but if she does then we will have to deal with it. But unlike last summer when I thought it was over, this is completely different. My h is ashamed and embarrassed by his actions and I know and he knows that it's done for good.
There's loads I Cld tell you but I can't go into it now but I will soon because I want to share the experience of our false recovery last year And the difference now.
My H wants to move back home next week!
I can't wait. Xxxxx Posted via Mobile Device
I understand what you all are saying but depending on job availability and his qualifications it may be easier said than done. If he is under contract at his school or district it may be impossible until the contract is up. They do have kids and a house to support.... as long as he is going through active motions of changing or maybe she will change (if she moves due to her divorce).
I agree with this now.....Although, I did not agree with this years ago since my H also had a EA/PA with a woman he worked with.
He never quit his job, she still works there to this day. Let me tell you, it was very hard to trust him with this going on. Sometimes I still get triggers and get upset.....but if he didn't stay, he probably would have gotten laid off, who knows. Now he is in management position and things are going very well career wise.
I hated that he stayed working with OW but it is possible to still R as long as NC is reached, even if working at the same place. It just takes ALOT of open communication, including but not limited to: checking in all the time during the day, no lunches with other co-workers until trust is re-established, open access to phone/email/chat/etc...I'm sure you get the picture.
But it is not easy when OW is still there. Just take comfort that she is crazy and H sees it!! That is the biggest thing, that H sees how crazy OW is and the fog is lifted. As long as that is the case and you guys truely work on your marriage and communication, R should be possible
I know that you are very happy but this is just the beginning. Try to remember that you both have much to do to make sure this does not happen again.
Also, giving him cheap forgiveness just because you are happy will not work ion the end. If hois commitment is too weak to endure walking with your pain, then you may regret R.
He may have a hard time when you brig it up time and time again but you may need to keep revisiting this until you heal.
In addition the process may take 2 years or more. Don't skip steps. After the excitement wears off, you may become sad again. Give yourself a chance to heal and make sure he is there with you.
One final word. You identified some behaviors that may have contributed to the affair. He is 100% responsible for the affair so get that solved first.
But at the same time work on you. Don't take any responsibility for the way he handled the problems.
Nothing you did deserved the pain and humiliation that his betrayal brought to the family. There were less disruptive ways toy handle them. He news to acknowledge this.
In answer to your question Downunder , no be hasn't quit is job. BUT the OW has not returned to school since he finished it and has turned out to be extremely unstable. She has. Een txtin him and hassling him since he finished it and be has shown me all the messages. He is completely ignoring her. There is a chance that she will not return to school but if she does then we will have to deal with it. But unlike last summer when I thought it was over, this is completely different. My h is ashamed and embarrassed by his actions and I know and he knows that it's done for good.
There's loads I Cld tell you but I can't go into it now but I will soon because I want to share the experience of our false recovery last year And the difference now.
My H wants to move back home next week!
I can't wait. Xxxxx Posted via Mobile Device
Daisy, i would love it if you can please share that experience with me....i think im right in the middle of that false recovery right now
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Re: Please dont say you told me so!!! 
I just knew things would work out for you in the end. And what did I tell you about the OW getting clingy and weird 
it never fails.
