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proudwidaddy 03-03-2012 01:46 PM

Strange Thought
 
I just read an article on another website talking about the "Dumper's Point of View."

I've wondered does anyone think about the feelings of what the other person has gone through?

I personally don't care right now, but that's because it's still too fresh for me.

talkitout 03-03-2012 01:56 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
My ex-gf, who ended it with me, told me that the break is difficult for her too, but I can't seem to understand how it could be difficult for her when she is the one that ended it. It seems it would be time for her to jump in joy. I know I am being a bit close-minded, but still, she can't be hurting nearly as much as me.

papa5280 03-03-2012 03:06 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
I've considered my STBXW's feelings about not wanting to be together. Not entirely unwarrented, although I wish she would have worked with me to see if we could revive the relationship.

What I can't get my head around is the way she left. Instead of minimizing the damage, especially to the kids, she was, IMHO, very selfish about it. That's the part that I don't understand and don't think I ever will.

EleGirl 03-03-2012 04:01 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
Often a spouse who leaves is in great anguish over it. It can hurt very badly. But sometimes we have to listen to our head (brain) and not our heart.

If a person rules their lives by emotions alone they can end up staynig in very bad situations for a life time.

I speak from experience.

proudwidaddy 03-03-2012 04:28 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
The one thing I would say that the person who leaves (dumper) doesn't have to deal with is the immense feeling of rejection that the dumpee feels. I speak from personally experience. What my wife did to me has made me question everything about me.

hurtinme 03-03-2012 05:00 PM

Yeah my heart bleeds for the NOT majority are selfish and want want want. Emotional zombie is what i wanna be👃
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CSeryllum 03-03-2012 05:13 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
I agree with Proud. Sure they can hurt too...and much of that is often because of GUILT, loss, and change.

However, it's not a feeling of rejection. Of being unwanted and tossed away like trash. They hurt sure....but it's a much less significant caliber of hurt compared to the dumpee.

The dumper is also very unsympathetic to that too...at least mine was. She literally told me to "stop playing the victim" about the situation lol.

proudwidaddy 03-03-2012 05:16 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
Yep, I've been told that too....that boy it must be nice to have everyone feel sorry for you, to be the victim.

canguy66 03-03-2012 05:21 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
I was not told about being a victim. I was told...
  • This will be good for both of us.
  • You'll find someone else.
  • I'm just not happy.
  • I don't want to hurt you anymore.
Sounds familiar to some of you I'm sure.

sadwithouthim 03-03-2012 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by canguy66 (Post 613461)
I was not told about being a victim. I was told...
  • This will be good for both of us.
  • You'll find someone else.
  • I'm just not happy.
  • I don't want to hurt you anymore.
Sounds familiar to some of you I'm sure.

I like the first one....don't understand it, but like it....."rolling my eyes". Yes, the past 13 months have been very good for me.
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sadwithouthim 03-03-2012 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CSeryllum (Post 613451)
I agree with Proud. Sure they can hurt too...and much of that is often because of GUILT, loss, and change.

However, it's not a feeling of rejection. Of being unwanted and tossed away like trash. They hurt sure....but it's a much less significant caliber of hurt compared to the dumpee.

The dumper is also very unsympathetic to that too...at least mine was. She literally told me to "stop playing the victim" about the situation lol.

Omg....my husband said that about stop playing the victim. He's just as much of a victim too. I also heard, I'm not happy how this all turned out for me. Wtf....he made the decision to leave....he choose not to talk to me....he choose to divorce....how did I make that decision for him?
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sadwithouthim 03-03-2012 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EleGirl (Post 613385)
Often a spouse who leaves is in great anguish over it. It can hurt very badly. But sometimes we have to listen to our head (brain) and not our heart.

If a person rules their lives by emotions alone they can end up staynig in very bad situations for a life time.

I speak from experience.

You sound like my husband. :p
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melissa68 03-03-2012 07:27 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
omg that is all I hear now...how I'm trying to make him feel guilty if I mention anything to do with being hurt or the kids....I get told to stop using the kids to get to him....and told by his sister to 'woman up'...that I'm not the first to get her heart broken. :scratchhead:


Quote:

The dumper is also very unsympathetic to that too...at least mine was. She literally told me to "stop playing the victim" about the situation lol.

cabbage65 03-03-2012 07:30 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EleGirl (Post 613385)
Often a spouse who leaves is in great anguish over it. It can hurt very badly. But sometimes we have to listen to our head (brain) and not our heart.

If a person rules their lives by emotions alone they can end up staynig in very bad situations for a life time.

I speak from experience.

thank you ele, so true! i only wish my stbx could write a post like that someday.

bandit.45 03-04-2012 03:57 PM

Re: Strange Thought
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by melissa68 (Post 613558)
omg that is all I hear now...how I'm trying to make him feel guilty if I mention anything to do with being hurt or the kids....I get told to stop using the kids to get to him....and told by his sister to 'woman up'...that I'm not the first to get her heart broken. :scratchhead:

Tell your sister in law to go f*ck herself.


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