As many of you may know, I'm going on a month since my live-together ex-GF of 6 years left me. I have been really down the last 4 weeks, lost a lot of weight due to lack of appetite and stress, and lost much sleep. I am slowly moving forward, but it feels like I'm moving at a snails pace and have my backslides still.
What is her mindset right now? As the dumper, is she way ahead of me on the road to healing? Does she miss me, or even think of me during her daily life? Realistically, what is going through her mind, not that you guys know exactly, but I'm at a loss and just wonder. WE've had limited to zero contact since she left. Last contact was two weeks ago.
Let go brother!
She is doing better then you b/c she is not asking these same questions you are asking. Sorry man but you will be better off by not asking questions that you have no control over.
The road to healing is forcing these question out of your mind and start looking at what you can do for your self . Sure these are real thought, but unhealthy thought all the same. Move on and start a hobby, work out, go out and meet people.
Stay strong and keep you distance, engaging here will only bring back more pain and put you back at square one.
And one last thing, after 6yrs, I'm sure she is wondering how you are doing also.
Maybe if some of the 'dumpers' could jump in here it would help?
We all wonder... I looked pretty good tonight even in my yoga pants... didn't walk w/ him but had to sit near him. I hope he watched while I walked away! (waiting to exhale)
I dumped xw...but it was after being cheated on. I thought about her very much for the first few months, and then after that have felt pangs of wanting to help when I heard she was having tough times. But I only gave her enough to be true to myself...she isn't dead to me. Just not my priority, or my problem anymore.
As the dumper, it is probably easier. But certainly isn't without concern or thought.
I'm glad you had the courage to ask this question. We do need the dumpers to answer though.
My STBX has made comments (on only two occasions) like, "wow, you look really good." And, "You've lost alot of weight."
I do think about it sometimes. We had a super happy marriage and I was 100% there for her during some hard times, no money problems, great sex life, AMAZING kids. I wonder if she ever misses me or if she is just so enamored right now with her new, and highly sexual, relationship.
Dumpers\Leavers... When does your fantasy world become real? When does the fun and excitement wear off and do you instantly think of us dumpees or are you just over it from the moment you left.
Again, thanks for having the courage to ask this question. I was too worried about people telling me to "just move on."
Thank you all for the responses, both those who give me the reality check to move on, and those who are as curious as myself about the question. I'm getting stronger slowly, but insight into the mindset of what she may be thinking and feeling at this point could in some strange way help me and those in similar situations of having been walked out on.
Hey man I've been kind of having a down day today, missing being with her physically, wondering if she too thinks about me. I've been working the 180 hardcore, it's helping a little.
No matter how hard I try, I can't pull off 180. My gut just won't let me do it! Good for you, from everything I've read it is the only hope. My strategy, being the total doormat, has not worked out well
I dumped my wife a month ago over her infidelity. She emails me every day. Sometimes I respond sometimes I don't. I still love her but I don't want her back. I miss her but I know that will fade with time. My main concern is the lifestyle that I have heard she is engaging in: running around on weekends with her cougar girlfriends and going clubbing to pick up young men. She tends to go wild with this stuff and I worry about her well being and safety. Posted via Mobile Device
I do. It's difficult. I miss the companionship, but at the same time he's betrayed me several times. I knew something was just not right (should have payed attention to my gut feeling), and this past fall I found the evidence I needed.
But really, yes, every stinking day I think of him.
I still care about him, I still love him (I think), but I do know what he is capable of.
He's shut me out, but yet playing the victim card at work.
Even though he has hurt me deeply, yes... still miss him and think about him.
My head says one thing, but my heart says another.
My wife left me 2 months ago. I was blindsided. In hindsight I can honestly say she 'checked out' 6 months after our marriage began. We had been together exactly 3 yrs and 2 weeks. We are older and as time went on and I learned of her past it came out that she had cheated on everyone she has ever been with since she was 17 (currentlly 52). She isn't capable of having a normal relationship. Once the newness wears off she moves on to the next 'high'. At first I was sick to my stomach and didn't sleep well at all. I was 100% in on this relationship, she never was. She has always been catered to her whole life and I did that. I let her walk all over me because I was sooo attracted to her. I am finally realizing I am codependent. This I will work on. However, I know that if she is even thinking of me it is just a fleeting thought.. she will fill her time finding another man to give her the 'high' she needs. I feel sorry for this next guy, and the next, and the next.