Exit affairs... how long do they last?
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Hi everyone,
My husband left me for another woman 8 weeks ago.. I use that term loosely she's (almost)18. I'm 32 and left with a 12 week old girl, and 23 month old boy. He won't talk to me and pretends I don't exist. He still didn't admit to it, tells me they just 'chill and play music'. From what I gather this has been going on for about 10 months. My question is: how long do exit affairs last? I don't want him back as this whole thing is beyond repulsing, but I just want to know how long he will act like a complete ******* for. He obviously thinks he's in love with her, and judging by my fb, msp, twitter research she's been after him in a very dedicated manner for quite some time. She claims that her new love (doesn't name him) is 'identical to her in every way and they will be inseparable'. What is a typical lifespan of an exit affair. Will he ever apologize? Any thoughts?
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

That question can't be answered by an outsider. Only the two of them can determine that.
I would tell you this not to upset you but you can't compete with her because She'S new and fresh with less baggage.
If you don't want him try to let go and move on, the likelihood of you moving on without being bitter toward him will make him miss you and wonder about you are GREAT!!

GOOD LUCK..
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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My ex married one of his mistresses. He now cheats on her. Go figure. I could care less though. I'd rather not waste my thoughts on them. I moved on a long time ago. I started dating 3 months after our divorce. Our divorce went rather quickly, which doesn't happen often.

I didn't ask for much and we shared lawyers to keep the cost down.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:34 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Thanks for the advice. I know I can't compete. This has been going on for about 11 months from what I gather. What hurts is that she shared our intimate details with her, and then she turned around and posted cruel things about me.... We have to be separated for a year, as in Australia that's the law. We went to mediation already but did not finish everything. When the mediator asked him wanted from it, he said he wanted to get the papers signed and move on with his life. That is so hurtful, as I always thought that we were doing that. I guess I'm just a piece of garbage to be discarded. That's why I want this affair to be over.... I just want to move on, and having her flaunted in front of me cuts me up inside. If he wants to date, fine... just not her. I'm not interested in dating. I have little babies to take care of and love. Since he's too busy for them, I will give them all the time in the world.
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:37 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

He will probably be a dicc and a pain to you forever and unfortunatly because of your children you will be dealing with him for a long time
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

I cried when I read your post becuase the same thing has just happened to me. My boyfriend of nine years left me for my best friend whom I worked with. Not only did I have to walk out on my job but I lost my friends, and most importanly the love of my life.
Like you I thought things were going along fine. I found out by reading a text message that came up on her phone while we were at work. Of course he denied his affair and claimed that "they are only friends." But the thing is we have joint accounts and I could, and still do see what they had been doing together. Like you I feel like their relationship is flaunted in front of me. They even posted it on facebook! I feel like yourself that I am a worthless peice of garbage discarded. Never in my life have I felt so humiliated and ugly.
But after all this I feel like I am just waiting untill their fling has ended. Then maybe we could have a chance to work things out, because I still love him. Its been five agonising months and hope everyday it will end. Will it? Can't he see that she was jealous of what we had and wanted it for herself? She did everything in her power to ruin me all the while being my friend to my face. I never knew people could be so evil. I am reading more about "exit affairs" and think this is what happened to me. Does anyone have any thoughts or experiences of these?
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:03 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Oh boy, excuse me for being a little giddy but this is something I know all to well and can give you very positive information about. BTW my wife also left me for an exit affair with a loser friend that chased her all through our marriage (frekkin b*stard) but I got the upper hand in the end knowing exactly how this was going to go down.

The short answer you're looking for is about 2-4 yrs, maybe less if you can approach him with some gentle interrigative tactics and let him know that you knew all along and how you're happy he's with the love of his life and a far better woman. This is more of that "act as if" philosophy at work, but at the same time by disqualifying yourself and chocking it up as "not meant to be..... whatever it's no big deal". You take away his defences by reassuring him you don't want him (in a nice way) and he'll wonder why.

When I confronted my wife I got her to admit it twice, but I could only pull about 50% of the truth before she started to shut down and I had to switch to a happier lighter subject. I got my answer andlet her know I was happy for her and it's no big deal she's with the OM. Secretely, I was laughing at their pathetic relationship because I know statistically they have a greater chance of both being hit by lightning.

The reason these relationships fail or end badly is because of #1 they can't ever truely tust each other. How can she start a family with him when he's abandoned you and his babies, but also they are both cheaters and liars. #2 They said "I love you" long before they every deserved to hear those words and by qualifying her as the greatest thing ever before he's had a chance to know her... he kind of shot ignited th fuse on a stick of dynamite there. Honestly, 10 months isn't even long enough to know someone..... they probably haven't even had a chance to have a serious fight and grow closer yet. No, they're still in the honeymoon phase and will be for about another year or so. #3 Their relationship is loosely based on sex and fleeing from all responsibilities. You probably already know this one but it's important to point out that.... duh, she's 18 and willing to learn but an emotional idiot that knows nothing about life yet. She's just getting her kicks while she can. #4 and my possible favorite.... Ok, she's 18 and he's how old???? What makes you think their relationship will last when she grows full of herself and sees him as a creepy old man and her as a 18 year old who can get with anyone she pleass.

I also have to point out the importance of rejecting him while he is rejecting you. He will do anything he can to fight for her because he knows she is more likely to leave him than you are. The percieved threat with you is lower because he thinks you'll one day take him back or give him another chance do to te kids. Once you reject him he will find interest in you, but once you reassure him he'll drop you like a sack of garbage to chase after her. It's going to take a lot of effort but you really need to take a strong stance to avoid him, ignore him, and make it clear you've forgotten him. You'll have another chance to start over in a few years when this OW doesn't work out and he's been used and tossed aside many times.... you may not want to see him now but you never know what will be in 5-10yrs.

And don't worry about thet b*tch flaunting her relationship in front of you. She is just jealous because you have more of a history and did everything with him first. You wanna mess with her head a little.... act like you could care less, agree with your husband (and ignore him/don't chase him), and then treat her with kindness.... all the while knowing her days are numbered and there's nothing she can do to save their relationship once the honeymoon is over and the real issues of trust, comfort, boundaries, and deeper commitment come into play. Like it or not she may have won the battle but the war is not over.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeystly View Post
He won't talk to me and pretends I don't exist. He still didn't admit to it, tells me they just 'chill and play music'.
First you say he doesn't talk to you then you say he tells you they just chill and play music. Which is it?

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Originally Posted by Honeystly View Post
My question is: how long do exit affairs last? I don't want him back as this whole thing is beyond repulsing, but I just want to know how long he will act like a complete ******* for.
Why do you care how long it will last if you don't want him back?

Also what do you mean by "exit affair"? I'd think most affairs usually signify the end of whatever relationship immediately preceeded them..

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Will he ever apologize? Any thoughts?
Why do you even care if he apologizes? Your life with him as you know it is over. You've got young kids to take care of who need you. You're repulsed by his actions.. and you want to know if he's going to say he's "sorry"?
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:20 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Sharkeey, by saying he doesn't talk to me, I mean he never picks up the phone when I call, nor answer when I text. When we see each other about the kids, he lies.... although lately he stopped denying it.

I care how long it takes because this relationship is just a horrible reminder of the demise of a dream. What I mean of an exit affair is that it is an affair or an excuse to get out of the marriage. That's what the term apparently is. Other affairs don't necessarily mean the end, hence the reconciliation forum.

Yeah, I do wonder if he'll say he's sorry. That's the least he could farking do. He's such a d*ck. I really am beginning to hate him for the way he keeps treating me. Zero remorse.
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:36 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

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Sharkeey, by saying he doesn't talk to me, I mean he never picks up the phone when I call, nor answer when I text. When we see each other about the kids, he lies.... although lately he stopped denying it.
So stop calling him and texting him.

When he lies to you about the kids, call him out on his bullsh*t. "X, you and I both know the truth is that ABC."

You have got to stop worrying about this guy. He is a d*uchebag of the highest order. He walked out on you & your kids to go shack up with a teenager. Do you really want that guy back? Really?

File for a court custodial order & child support AT MINIMUM.

What are you waiting for?
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Old 05-01-2012, 12:53 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Sharkeey, by saying he doesn't talk to me, I mean he never picks up the phone when I call, nor answer when I text. When we see each other about the kids, he lies.... although lately he stopped denying it.

I care how long it takes because this relationship is just a horrible reminder of the demise of a dream. What I mean of an exit affair is that it is an affair or an excuse to get out of the marriage. That's what the term apparently is. Other affairs don't necessarily mean the end, hence the reconciliation forum.

Yeah, I do wonder if he'll say he's sorry. That's the least he could farking do. He's such a d*ck. I really am beginning to hate him for the way he keeps treating me. Zero remorse.
You're waiting around for him.

Not good.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

I guess the real question is...what kind of man leaves his wife with a 12 week old daughter, and for an 18 year old girl, even if there was no other woman, it's cruel what he did, and to pretend you don't exist. Oh, I'd pretend I didn't exist, go straight for divorce, do a big 180.

don't wait for him to change.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:47 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honeystly View Post
Hi everyone,
My husband left me for another woman 8 weeks ago.. I use that term loosely she's (almost)18. I'm 32 and left with a 12 week old girl, and 23 month old boy. He won't talk to me and pretends I don't exist. He still didn't admit to it, tells me they just 'chill and play music'. From what I gather this has been going on for about 10 months. My question is: how long do exit affairs last? I don't want him back as this whole thing is beyond repulsing, but I just want to know how long he will act like a complete ******* for. He obviously thinks he's in love with her, and judging by my fb, msp, twitter research she's been after him in a very dedicated manner for quite some time. She claims that her new love (doesn't name him) is 'identical to her in every way and they will be inseparable'. What is a typical lifespan of an exit affair. Will he ever apologize? Any thoughts?
What does it matter?

Get a lawyer and nail the loser for as much support as you can.
Hopefully enough to have him living at his girlfriends until she grows tired of her "soulmate" sucking down her money and kicks his ass out.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:54 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Exit affairs... how long do they last?

Let me give this thread some insight.

I left a long term relationship for my mistress fourteen years ago.
Definitely an exit affair.

A wedding, 14 years and a child later, I`m still with that mistress.

I still see that woman I cheated on almost daily as she works for the same company as I.

She`s still under the impression that someday I`ll realize what a bad mistake I made and she`ll get me back.
She`s stated this to me in the most surreal ways.

She hasn`t had a serious relationship since I left her, she lives alone, and has nothing or no one. I believe because she still clings to the thought that my "affair" can`t possibly last.

Don`t be her.
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Old 05-01-2012, 06:11 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Let me give this thread some insight.

I left a long term relationship for my mistress fourteen years ago.

She`s still under the impression that someday I`ll realize what a bad mistake I made and she`ll get me back.
Who knows, she might be smarter than you realize?
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