Jayb

What signs or actions you would see from your husband to truly give you pause and make you motivated to reconsider and at least give it more time before officially ending your M?

You mentioned him changing, but you doubting the authenticity of the changes and doubting if they would last. How would you hold hope open?

MeetVirginia

I would look for him to be genuine (I have known him long enough to know the difference), so boost his self-esteem and admit that he also has unhappiness, for him to be a more positive person and not constantly be putting people down and commenting on people by how they look (calling a co-worker "muffin top" or generalizing all drivers from another state "freeloaders"), being more careful with his language and actions around our children. If I can see these things over time then I may begin to feel like he is truly trying. I dont want him to be a completely different person, but more like the person I met 20 years ago. I understand that people change some over time, but he has become negavie and angry, and I cant live with that. I dont feel like I am ready to make any decisions as of now.....I have only been out of the home for 6 weeks. I have a year lease, and I feel like we have plenty of time! Is this the info you were looking for?

Jayb

Yes, it is. Initially, my wife told me to sign a 7-12 month lease and to not expect to move back at the end of the lease. I understand.

Back in January, when I expressed doubts about proceeding with the divorce and wanting to try everything, I mistakenly coupled that heartfelt request with mentioning what a change it was going from 2 good salaries to individual salaries with dual services to maintain standard of living. What she got out of that conversation is that I want to save the M because I am afraid to live responsibly on my own and that I wanted her back to maintain a great financial lifestyle. It's like I step in it, whenever I least expect it.

MeetVirginia

J- it is interesting that you say that, because there are times I feel like he wants me to come back to help him with the kids (and we are sharing time with them so he doesnt have them totally on his own, but he has more difficulty with them than i do), and for financial reasons. He does make significantly more than I do, and if we do divorce we will have to sell the house etc...part of me is afraid that "logistics" play a role in his feelings of me coming back.

lovemygirls

This!

"I want to know what signs or actions you would see from your husband to truly give you pause and make you motivated to reconsider and at least give it more time before officially ending the M in D."

MeetVirginia

Well, one thing did happen Monday at our last mc session, he faced me and told me that he was sorry for not being supportive of me, standing up for me, and for leaving me with most of the family responsibilities. I know it was a big thing for him to say this.....it wasnt as "big" to me as i thought it would be......I think I am looking more for things about "us".......im very confused......