Yeah, well it was just a wild thought....I mean, I sit here writing stuff and think about what her reaction to it would be all the time. I leave out the intimate details....gloss over my own faults maybe....
Several times when one spouse has come on her after the first one posts, at first it's educational and interesting, and pretty soon it degenerates. I find it useful to remember the expression "There's three sides to every story; his side, her side, and the truth somewhere in the middle".
Happened to me on the dating site my wife and I met on. I renewed my membership to copy down the first messages we ever sent and started talking to her there. When things got ugly I said something about the "love of my life" not being loyal, before I knew of the OM, and that I was moving on in my profile. She wrote that she was better than all men and how women shouldn't put up with domestic abuse and physical assault from their men. I never once hit her! I eventually left when I found out that she was on there so she could message the OM because neither of them want facebook to know of their affair with a married woman.
Bottom line, I wouldn't ever reccomend letting your spouse see your online b****ing about them to anonymous people. If you get caught LIE and and change screen names immediately.
Good points, I know that my STBXH has found me here. I try to be aware of that when I post, but sometimes I just need to post to vent. I have changed names several times and I don't use any descriptors but he still seems to have recognized me.
I worry about this. I know he knows that I have an account here. I don't know if he's ever come here to read what I write. For a while, I thought one of his APs was on here (the story fit so uncannily, as did the writing style). At one time, I thought one of his friends had found me here. I realized that there's nothing I can do. I'm being honest. I don't think I'm saying anything here that I wouldn't say to his face. I'm getting all paranoid and worrying about it but....well, if he did find me here, maybe he'd understand what I'm going through and then maybe he wouldn't behave the way he is behaving. I doubt that, though. I worry also that he'd find me here, read what I have to say and then do something to hurt me. I realized that I have no control over anyone at all. I can only do my best to be a good person and treat people well and hope that they forgive me if I screw up. If I put my guards up here, too, I think I'd lose it because this is the only place I can come to talk about what I'm going through.
I think about it all the time too. I'll pour my heart out or make a plan with everyone's help and then she will be mean or something and then I think, "crap, she knows!!!" But no, I can't imagine she would bother with a site like this in her position. Like others said though if she did find me here, it wouldn't be news to her.
I was on another site at the earliest stages of my divorce process and my exw found me on there after seeing me on the site. She ridiculed it. Made it all out to be really stupid. Fact is, no matter what the BS does, the one leaving will find a way to make it look bad. I still remember those days and it still makes my blood boil. Makes me sick to my stomach some of the things she said and did during the final days.
My Stbxh also used things he read here to say that I was wrong about how I thought. I tried one time to explain that this is just a place to vent and get some feedback. Many times I think the support and feedback I got made him think about how he treated me.