Re: A Long Story About a Short Period of Time
Just to finish this tale of woe, the day after I served her she texted me to let me know that she was going to get everything taken care of that morning and deliver the final papers to me at work. I called her and said lets do it together, but lets talk before going to the courthouse. She agreed. We met at a coffee shop downtown around noon. I tried to have some light conversation, but she just answered yes/no and sat there staring at me. I asked her if she wanted to talk about anything, she just exploded and said that I was the one that wanted to talk, not her.
So I proceeded to try and talk to her about our past. About how much we had loved each other, why we got married and how I think that we might still have a shot if she was willing. or at the very least, to make this less hostile. She exploded again and said all she wanted was to sign the papers. That she was DONE. I said OK, got up and walked out the door.
As we walked down the street to the courthouse I thanked her for finally admitting to having an affair. She laughed and said she hadn't. I asked her why she didn't dispute the petition then. She rolled her eyes and said, "Well I guess technically I am." while she waived the petition in the air. That hurt. She then said that she'd never be able to convince me otherwise anyway. I stopped and said, "No, thats easy. You and I go up to your work and you tell the OM that its over. That the two of you are done and you're going to try and work things out with your husband." She laughed and said, "Thats never going to happen!"
When we got to the clerks office I was on the verge of tears. We'd stood in line at courthouses and clerks offices several times before. Always for happy things like our marriage certificate, passports and the like. And here we where, standing together for the last time. It was horrible. As we waited I turned to her and said, "I love you." she just clenched her jaw and turned away. When we got to the clerks window as the petitioner I had to sign like 20 times. She, only three or four. As I signed I choked back tears and she just stood there looking indifferent. When that special kind of hell was over we left.
We didn't talk at all on the way back to her car. I tried to walk ahead of her, but out of habit or something she kept matching pace with me. When we finally got to her car, I stood there and looked at her. I hugged her for what felt like an eternity. She just put a limp arm around my back and patted me a few times. I pulled back, looked into her eyes and said, "You'll always be my first true love." She just looked at me. I let her go and she said with no emotion, "Good bye." Got in her car and drove off.
And that was the last time I saw or spoke to her. And, likely, the last time that I will ever unless its a random run in.
For those who have read my other posts, I'm really struggling with the fallout. I loved this woman completely, and she violated every level of trust and devotion that she could. Its a pain and horror that I cannot describe in words. Those of you that have gone through it know. But everyone is unique. I always felt like our love was special, was different from everyone elses. And maybe we did, and thats why this hurts so bad.