How do I deal with this ? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-26-2012, 06:19 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
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How do I deal with this ?

OK so I posted here before and things have now moved on after 4 months since D-Day - top and bottom of it is W is having an affair quite openly now and comes and goes as she pleases. She has put the house up for sale against my wishes and our 12 year old daughter doesn't seem bothered other than she won't speak to me because she thinks the sale of our home is my fault because I won't move out.

W has no intention of moving in with OM despite how much she keeps saying she loves him and with the proceeds of sale of our house she going to buy a house for cash in the fag end of the city.

What the hell do I do? I want W back but she doesnt want to know. I have offered to make the changes she wants but to no avail. It's killing me at weekends when I know she's going out to see OM. I realise she's trash but I love her and can't help how I feel. I really don't want anyone else and don't want to lose my daughter either. surely there must be something I can do to save this.

Any advice ?

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-26-2012, 06:22 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

Move on. She obviously is.

Real women don't want flowers and chocolate.
They want vodka and Taco Bell.
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 03-26-2012, 06:52 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

Yeah, I agree with that girl. She's obviously moved on and being, what seems to me, a b@#$% about it. Totally class-less in my opinion. I think it will be easier for you once you're separated, it sure was for me. Once he left I felt this cloud lift. You love her and you can't help that, but as there is more time and space between you I think those feelings will give way some. I think its more important for you to repair your relationship with your daughter.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 08:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

Yes but it's sheer hell living in he same house together - It could take a year to sell, and really I don't want it to sell as its everything I've worked for the last 20 years and its my pension.

I've joined dating sites but to be honest I really don't want to meet anyone else.

I've started going to counselling but I'm not sure its really doing any good as the counselor just sits there and listens but doeant really say anything and its costing me a fortune.

OH was appearing to be really sad and depressed since xmas but in the last 2 weeks shes walking round with joie de vivre which is really pissing me off. Her and our daughter are completely excluding me from their lives and I've done nothing wrong!

OH Is spending all her time in her bedroom in bed watching tv with the door shut (rarely see her downstairs unless she's doing chores). If I go in she screams at me to get out of her space. She then goes to bed with our daughter at 8pm each night

Last edited by rumple9; 04-06-2012 at 08:36 PM.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 08:40 PM
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

Totally agree with that_girl and justabovewater. If there is any chance for you to get your wife back is to do the 180, work on yourself and as much as it bothers you let her do whatever she wants whether it's going out with OM or whatever. If she sees that you are moving on it may give her a little taste of what it would be like to lose you permanently. You have to man up and take control of the situation. The saddest thing here is what's happening with your daughter. Sounds to me like your wife is pushing her away from you (alineation). Put your relationshio with your daughter ahead of your wive. She will always be your daughter and you need to clarify things with her.
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 09:30 PM
Join Date: Apr 2012
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

I promisepromisepromise you will feel better when you are not living together. Mind you, you will probably still be broken hearted, sad, etc., but there is no hell like the one you endure when you live in the same house with someone who is finished with the relationship. That is pure gut wrenching breath taking sobbing constant anxiety horror.

GET OUT!! The sooner the better. Stay in an extended stay motel or a dumpy week to week rental.. Get out, you will be able to breathe.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-06-2012, 11:54 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17,203
Re: How do I deal with this ?

You don't need the heifer. This other guy isn't stealing your wife, he's taking your place on the cross. Be grateful. Stay in contact with your daughter as best you can. Kids have brains and she'll figure out which side is up, regardless of what her mom says about you.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-07-2012, 05:35 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
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Re: How do I deal with this ?

Taking my place on the cross - now thats's a novel way of looking at it!

I'm absolutely certain that OM is just her back up and when the house does sell she'll dump him and go on the prowl for someone with money

But it's my daughter thats upsetting me nore now - she just won't talk to me or go anywhere with me. I think she's just copying her mum and damn it hurts.
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