Some of you know my story and I've got threads that give all the details so I won't bore anyone with background. I've been thinking the last few days when I'm having up moments that I'm not really sure what I'm crying about. Am I really devastated about losing him or am I sad about the rejection and the fact that he chose her over me? I'm going to miss the companionship and the sex and the fun stuff we did. I will miss being a family with our son, eating out all the time and great vacations. I will miss snuggling on the couch and spooning at night. But am I really that in love with him the person? He is an arrogant co@k$ucker, he has always judged me. He never put me down, always said I was talented and athletic but if didn't stick with a hobby he said he didn't like that quality in me. He made a list one time about all the things about that didn't like. He is always right , knows everything, he can't take constructive criticism and he liked to make me the butt of his jokes sometimes. He also took all of his bad moods out on me. And the years of the lying, cheating and manipulating me while having his LTA, well just sayin...
Of course I have plent of flaws and he does have great qualities also, he's funny as hell, he's a great Dad, he's a hard worker, and he's is very giving to other people, just not to me.
So back to my question, what am I really mourning? I'm beginning to think it's not him, not even who I thought he was. I hope these thoughts continue because the sadness, crying, and constant pain in the pit of my stomach is getting real old.
Could be that you just miss the companionship. When you think about it, you think of him cuz he's been the one for the past however many years.
Emotions run rampant during the tough times, you need friends and family there for you to get through the tough times to get into the brighter days ahead.
It may be the companionship, I'm sure it's a lot of things. I'm just feeling upbeat right not because I don't think this is going to take as long to deal with as I thought. I love him, I can honestly say I'm in love with him but the good part is I don't think that I really liked him that much. I don't really know what that means, but it feels honest and healthy to acknowledge it.
Am I really devastated about losing him or am I sad about the rejection and the fact that he chose her over me? I'm going to miss the companionship and the sex and the fun stuff we did. I will miss being a family with our son, eating out all the time and great vacations. I will miss snuggling on the couch and spooning at night. But am I really that in love with him the person? He is an arrogant co@k$ucker, he has always judged me. He never put me down, always said I was talented and athletic but if didn't stick with a hobby he said he didn't like that quality in me. He made a list one time about all the things about that didn't like. He is always right , knows everything, he can't take constructive criticism and he liked to make me the butt of his jokes sometimes. He also took all of his bad moods out on me. And the years of the lying, cheating and manipulating me while having his LTA, well just sayin...
So back to my question, what am I really mourning? I'm beginning to think it's not him, not even who I thought he was. I hope these thoughts continue because the sadness, crying, and constant pain in the pit of my stomach is getting real old.
Could you be missing all of it!?
Why not? It's familiar and it wasn't your choice to lose it.
I often miss the good/bad of our relationship (it was OUR relationship for so many years).... but I am missing it less and less.
I think it just takes time to not miss "us" anymore, it was a pattern for so long- many people have said on this board before its an emotional rollercoaster and its so true. Everytime that you think things are starting to look better or feel better you go back down again. Believe me i wish i knew what would make it better- unfortunately i think only time will heal
I think it just takes time to not miss "us" anymore, it was a pattern for so long- many people have said on this board before its an emotional rollercoaster and its so true. Everytime that you think things are starting to look better or feel better you go back down again. Believe me i wish i knew what would make it better- unfortunately i think only time will heal
... not just the time, but what you do with the time.
You are mourning the marriage that you wanted to have. All your dreams about happily ever after. We do not disconnect from a spouse quickly or on a timeline. Keep your chin up, and work through the feelings. Take as much time as you need.
I think it's a grieving process that you are going through. Like a death of someone. One day you are angry, one day you are sad, and another day you feel a okay.
For me, I'm sad because of the life I lost. One day I'm a married man, with a beautiful wife and planning to have kids and how to raise them. The next day I am a bachelor, free to do whatever I want. It's like my future flipped upside down in a matter of weeks. I grieve for my future that's never going to happen.
hmmm, I appear to have moved from 'sad' to 'irritated' quite quickly
this is due to the fact that he's boo-hooing on facebook about not being able to move into a flat yet and having to stay in a hotel. And all his acquaintances going 'ooh poor you, hope you get sorted soon'
and me thinking 'you mean hope your soon to be ex wife and her dad can sort you soon cos you don't have a job or any other form of income'
I am rising above and refusing to comment though
but really feel like saying YOU did it, YOU walked out, YOU are the one that didn't even want to try, YOU screwed your job up and yet I'M having to pay you to leave
Could be that you just miss the companionship. When you think about it, you think of him cuz he's been the one for the past however many years.
Emotions run rampant during the tough times, you need friends and family there for you to get through the tough times to get into the brighter days ahead.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cantmove
Some of you know my story and I've got threads that give all the details so I won't bore anyone with background. I've been thinking the last few days when I'm having up moments that I'm not really sure what I'm crying about. Am I really devastated about losing him or am I sad about the rejection and the fact that he chose her over me? I'm going to miss the companionship and the sex and the fun stuff we did. I will miss being a family with our son, eating out all the time and great vacations. I will miss snuggling on the couch and spooning at night. But am I really that in love with him the person? He is an arrogant co@k$ucker, he has always judged me. He never put me down, always said I was talented and athletic but if didn't stick with a hobby he said he didn't like that quality in me. He made a list one time about all the things about that didn't like. He is always right , knows everything, he can't take constructive criticism and he liked to make me the butt of his jokes sometimes. He also took all of his bad moods out on me. And the years of the lying, cheating and manipulating me while having his LTA, well just sayin...
Of course I have plent of flaws and he does have great qualities also, he's funny as hell, he's a great Dad, he's a hard worker, and he's is very giving to other people, just not to me.
So back to my question, what am I really mourning? I'm beginning to think it's not him, not even who I thought he was. I hope these thoughts continue because the sadness, crying, and constant pain in the pit of my stomach is getting real old.
You are definitely missing the companionship and honestly the person. You knew him just as well as you know yourself. It is super hard to get over, and even just the look of someones face can be comforting because you had seen that person at their best and at their worst. However something I remind myself, YOU DO NOT WANT SOMEONE THAT DOES NOT WANT YOU.. Why would any of us do that to ourselves? It sounds like you might just need to go out on some dates and see if there is someone else that can at least hold a good conversation and be a good friend until your introduced to the idea of actually dating. I think you are mourning the bond that two people can have when there is love, a smart man told me that love is not an emotion it is a decision. (Best thing I have heard in a while)
" I think you are mourning the bond that two people can have when there is love, a smart man told me that love is not an emotion it is a decision. (Best thing I have heard in a while) "
I've heard that as well Marriedat19 My mc and I have told my husband that. We've both also told him that forgivness and letting go of resentment are a choice but he thinks marriage shouldn't have to be hard and you should feel that gushy in love feeling always. He said this before I knew we were in false R. Now I know it is because he does always fell that gushy in love feeling, with her. None of this is in his control I guess he thinks they are destined to be together since their in love feelings have lasted for years. Of course when you meet twice a week for afternoon rendevue and there is no reality to intefere. He!!, I'd be in love too. OOPs didn't mean to go off on a tyrade. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed at how ffing stupid he is to believe his own bs.
7Likes
Wondering what I'm actually sad about?? 
