03-30-2012, 09:23 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
| | Feelings, green light...then crushed!
So, talked with the separated wife the other day, and what I thought went really well didn't. She said she was open to work on our relationship/reconciliation. I mentioned some great books I've read and some therapies we could work on while being 1000 miles away. She said she was up for it. So I sent out an email, claiming responsibility for my "inactions". Essentially trying to free up any dirty air. (Rethinking that one!) So I told her that this weekend I'd send her a couple fun things just to get the wheels going again in a positive light. All very light stuff IMO.
Move to this morning, now 6 weeks after separation. She says she's not able to process anything emotionally right now because of bills. Mind you, she's left the state with our 15 month old, is in a very nice house and is very well taken care of. But with looming bills (CC, rent, insurance), she's unable to process any emotions pertaining to our relationship.
It seems to me that during the call, she essentially agreed to work on the R, but probably did under what she felt was pressure. Compound the fact that by taking responsibility for what has occurred, I've negotiated myself away from her and shown a soft side.
So while I thought I saw a door starting to open I was completely wrong. I guess the lesson here is: When they want space, give it. When you think they might be ready, they're not. When they say they're ready, they're not. When you see actions from them, they might be.