Not going to detail all of it b/c there is no need. Here is the short version. This doesn't go in the Reconciliation section, here is why.
Bottom line is that hours before we were supposed to sign she came back. Said she ended it with the OM. Loves me, is in love with me. Wants our family back. No begging or anything like that. Didn't say anything like "I'll do whatever it takes." She just said she doesn't want a divorce and doesn't want this. Said she wants to go to counseling but she can't guarantee me she won't have the feelings again that made her leave.
We cancelled the signing appointment.
Well, on one hand it is a dream come true. My beautiful soul mate finally came back. Yea well, not exactly how I had pictured it. Feeling alot like a backup plan right now. Since she "came back" nothing has really changed. She has been hot at times and cold at times. Says she is very confused right now.
Right now I'm just respecting her space and giving her time to figure out what the heck is going on in her head. I love her. I want our family more than life itself. BUT, I was right on the edge of moving on and accepting the D. Queue anxiety all over again.
After what she told you, that she doesn't promise not to leave again with those same feelings??? She needed to do some begging or whatever, you made it too easy for her.
I know everyone likes to have an intact family, but, you can't be a door mat either. I think you should have said "can we think about it, and just date for a bit to see if it's really going to work". Make her work for it..ya know?
Said she wants to go to counseling but she can't guarantee me she won't have the feelings again that made her leave.
My God, what do I do?
MY GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE SINGED THE PAPERS. She didn't ditch him, he ditched her and she has no other place to go. He didn't want to support her, take care of her and pay her bills!!!
She even said she can't guarantee that she won't cheat again, WTF!!!
SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, SIGN, the papers!
Well, looks like she won and you lost big time right now. GL with giving her space. BTW once she's back with you, the OM will probably be back in the picture now since he won't have to shell out cash for her. You just handed your cajones back to her again
He can make alpha statements next time he talks to her. It sounds like she took him by surprise and he probably wasn't ready for this. See what happens SD and for your own protections keep your guard up, she does sound like she may have the door open a little so she doesn't feel 100% committedd.
After what she told you, that she doesn't promise not to leave again with those same feelings??? She needed to do some begging or whatever, you made it too easy for her.
I know everyone likes to have an intact family, but, you can't be a door mat either. I think you should have said "can we think about it, and just date for a bit to see if it's really going to work". Make her work for it..ya know?
Just my 2 cents
In my effort to keep it short and sweet I didn't explain well how I handled it. I did in fact tell her that she wasn't making much of a case for herself. She just sobbed and said she knew and that she didn't deserve to even be in my presence.
I did tell her that what she was saying wasn't good enough. I walked away from the conversation and told her that she needs to figure herself out before we can even discuss it.
She said she does need time to figure it out b/c she is lost and confused. The last words she said to me were "thank you for listening, I'm so sorry, I just need time to figure this out."
I'm basically deciding how much time I want to give her. My tolerance is limited so I don't know where to go from here.
Yea, with OMs, the closer divorce comes, the more they want to ditch the wife. They don't want that responsibility and it's not longer "thrilling" to bang someone's exwife.
Should have just said, 'Sorry you feel that way. I'm still signing. Sucks to be you."
Yea, with OMs, the closer divorce comes, the more they want to ditch the wife. They don't want that responsibility and it's not longer "thrilling" to bang someone's exwife.
Should have just said, 'Sorry you feel that way. I'm still signing. Sucks to be you."
I really don't think it was the "him kicking her to the curb" sorta scenario some of you think. She genuinely was feeling devastation for the lives she has ruined, I know that much for sure. If she goes back to him or whatever, that is something different. But, she came to me based on her feelings, not his. That I am sure of.
Wow, what a dream come true that so many of us wish would happen. I have to agree with the majority here that she really needs to give you more than an "I can't guarantee" or "I'm really confused". She's playing with your heart and emotions and I'm sorry, but no one has the right to eff around with our lives like that.
You have to make your own decision, but I'd make her work like a dog for you. You don't have to sign away right now, but take it slow and play harder than hard to get. Good luck.
She said she does need time to figure it out b/c she is lost and confused. The last words she said to me were "thank you for listening, I'm so sorry, I just need time to figure this out."
So she is saying she needs to find another man before she leaves you. Kind of like those tree monkey's where they don't let go of one branch until they get a hold of the other....
Sign the papers and tell her she can date you later if you feel like it.
I know you're in this fog...but seriously, man....wake up.
She can't promise she won't have those feelings again?? LOL What a hack.
Exactly. Let the divorce go on. This will be the litmus test of all litmus tests. If she really wants to get back together with you she will, and maybe, after a few years when she grows up, you may consider remarrying her.
I really don't think it was the "him kicking her to the curb" sorta scenario some of you think. She genuinely was feeling devastation for the lives she has ruined, I know that much for sure. If she goes back to him or whatever, that is something different. But, she came to me based on her feelings, not his. That I am sure of.
Uh huh....
Yeah, as if you have been right about everything else. Please...
Quit being c0cky. You have no real clue why she decided to come back, so quit acting like you do. Do the 180, and don't give her any emotional feedback until you are sure she is truly remorseful.
I think she's just biding time waiting for the OM to take her back, hence her so called "confusion". If she were truly contrite, she would be 100% focused on you, her husband. That's just my worthless opinion.
52Likes
She came back!!!! Well, sort of. 
, I would have been very happy for you.
