Traggy......there is no easy way to deal with it....I've been doing it for four months and it still crushes me. All I've tried to do is just focus on them when I have them. When I don't have them I call them in the morning and at night. I tell them I love them every chance I can, hug and kiss them. My kids know I'm doing the best. This is the thing I resent my wife for the most, splitting up the family. But as I've learned, kids are resilient, sometimes even more so than the adults. Good luck my brother, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter tonight. She has a great dad, take all your love and focus, and just pour it out on her. Posted via Mobile Device
In marriage, we could see the children anytime we wanted. Now, we can't. And we all know the spontaneity with children. We will miss some of that.
Children do appreciate the willingness of parents being interactive in their lives, regardless of the situation. Providing the love and support, I think, makes up for the situation between mom and dad.
And then...children grow up. They go through phases when they don't want to be around mom and dad. And eventually, they move away.
Just things to consider. Appreciate every moment. Take pictures. Hug and kiss your child(ren). Smile. Be with them. These are the actions that will get everyone through this difficult time.
I have found this is the most gruelling part of it all (and I only have one child). Not only do you no longer see them everyday, but when you do see them you are the lone parent the whole time. There is no walks to the park as a "family" anymore, you don't have two parents involved in every moment of their child's life you take turns swapping as the only parent then have to coordinate parental communication in phone/text messages or emails never face to face in real time. It is emotionally draining, I find.
Same experience as everyone else, here. I'm a year into this and I'm finally to a breaking point where I am finally forcing myself to get a life. It is tough. It is one of the most grueling things I've ever had to go through. I have found myself sitting around doing nothing when I didn't have my child and I recognized that I have to stop doing that.
So, I signed up for dance classes, I work a lot, and I work out nonstop so that I'm so tired at night I cannot stay awake. Problem is none of those things are as satisfying as spending time with my child, but they are all better than sitting around the house by myself. If I don't do this then I stay awake at night chasing bunnies in my thoughts. Either this route for me or become an alcoholic.
[QUOTE=Paradise;663883]Same experience as everyone else, here. I'm a year into this and I'm finally to a breaking point where I am finally forcing myself to get a life. It is tough. It is one of the most grueling things I've ever had to go through. I have found myself sitting around doing nothing when I didn't have my child and I recognized that I have to stop doing that.
So, I signed up for dance classes, I work a lot, and I work out nonstop so that I'm so tired at night I cannot stay awake. Problem is none of those things are as satisfying as spending time with my child, but they are all better than sitting around the house by myself. If I don't do this then I stay awake at night chasing bunnies in my thoughts. Either this route for me or become an alcoholic.[/QUOTE]
I know these choices well. I am still working up enough strength to be able to be comfortable by myself at my own place at nights without the children. It is a battle to do it without alcohol. At this time, I have no friends to hang out with.
You know when I don't have my kids I've found myself trying to be more active. Go for long walks, push ups, sit ups, work out with dumbbells, etc. I bought a basketball to shoot hoops. I was playing a lot of video games, but I try to save that for after my workout now.
I honestly will have more than enough things to do. The problem is feeling guilty for going out and having a good time for me.
I am struggling with the fact that I am going to need personal growth throughout this process. I am going to need me time and I can not feel help but feel guilty because me time means time spent away from my daughter.
I don't know, I hate leaving the house. It just feels wrong. I should be there with my family, not watching a ballgame. It stings. I need to get away though. I can not stand to be in the same room as my stbxw. I try to always leave with my daughter.
While still in the process of the split, I completely agree this is by far the most difficult part of the process in every way and one I cannot come to terms with. So unfair, not what I want, but no real options. I've come to grips with being without my stbxw, but being without my son for days and days at a time is almost too much to take. It frankly keeps me more resentful of her and her A than probably anything else...
It is my hope to spend a bit of my new "alone time" preparing and planning for the time I will have with my son, to optimize that time together when we have it.
Not to dump more on us, but we all have to be ready:
Probably soon, or eventually, there will be another man in our stbxw's lives.
I don't know what the particulars will be, and I hope my stbxw is prudent about introducing another man to them, but....
What stings me now is that any new man will get to spend any amount of time around or with my children! I feel rage even thinking about it.
And another thing to consider. Once all our co-parenting/custody arrangements have been agreed to and settled, the other man may/will be around our children the remaining amount of time we aren't with them, especially if new guy moves in!
That is maddening and too much to consider, but, we should be mentally prepared and hopefully mature enough to handle it if/when it occurs.
It was hard enough getting use to not being with my child. My ex moved in with her affair partner less than 6 months after the divorce was final. Of course she justified it as all my fault. Freaking amazing. They are getting married soon.
I am still amazed at how everything transpired. It is seriously unbelievable to me. But, I put one foot in front of the other and move on. Like many of you have said, the easy part is dealing with the ex and the emotions that come from that. I just don't want my child around that POS.
I will admit, this entire ordeal has brought my child and myself much closer. I know a lot of guys who just got worn out and packed their bags and left their kids. No way am I going to do that. My ex will just have to suffer with me being around for good in my child's life. I'm going no where. May not get to see the kid every day but that is just about all I have left.
Not to dump more on us, but we all have to be ready:
Probably soon, or eventually, there will be another man in our stbxw's lives.
I don't know what the particulars will be, and I hope my stbxw is prudent about introducing another man to them, but....
What stings me now is that any new man will get to spend any amount of time around or with my children! I feel rage even thinking about it.
And another thing to consider. Once all our co-parenting/custody arrangements have been agreed to and settled, the other man may/will be around our children the remaining amount of time we aren't with them, especially if new guy moves in!
That is maddening and too much to consider, but, we should be mentally prepared and hopefully mature enough to handle it if/when it occurs.
You are right.
I am sorry and I know I will have to deal with it on the other end as well. I must say that my kids already have a running list of what they want for a step father. Please remember that my situation is different than yours... my H chose to leave and walk away from the marriage it wasn't my choice. Be the best dad you can be and be sure that resentment is kept to a minimum. My H 'watches' the kids but doesn't often play w/ them or engage them. My most forgiving child (adult child) has tons of resentment and seems to be done w/ her dad.
I know he will date (and maybe is) but I am fairly confident that I will have custody and my kids have so much resentment toward him now that I don't feel threatened at all.
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Children.... 
