TAKING THE REIGNS! Acceptance...
Posted this as a reply to a thread I started in the reconciliation section, but thought it was better suited for here.
I think I've moved on to the "acceptance" phase. Really, all that matters is that he does not love me and never loved me. This may or may not be true, but this is how he feels in the here and now. That is ALL THAT MATTERS. I cannot change how he feels, nothing I do can change his mind at this moment. The here and now. So, the only thing left to do? MOVE ON. TAKE THE REIGNS OF MY OWN LIFE and move the F on. Holding on to that something, that "love", that was only really ever there for one of us only hurts emotionally and delays the healing process.
This past weekend, taking my kids on a camping trip (4 1/2, 2 1/2, and 1) by myself, setting up the tent, exploring, gathering wood, going on hikes (with my 1 year old in a backpack carrier), AND making fire all by myself (I was never the fire keeper) WITHOUT CHEATING no less gave me such a boost of confidence. I CAN DO THIS! With or without him. I can take control of my own life. I can make new memories for myself and my kids. My good days are lasting longer, my sad days are not as breathtaking/life consuming.
As of now, I am a 34 year old single mom, 3 kids, career, nice little home with a big yard, awesome minivan (I think I threw up a little in my mouth as I typed that), great support from family and friends, really feeling good (with occasional low points). I've got it pretty good. Other's have survived this (50% divorce rate, right?), I can, too. Considering how much worse others have it, I'm doing okay!
I CAN F*ING DO THIS!
AND IF I CAN F*ING DO THIS, YOU CAN, TOO!
DISCLAIMER: That being said, I am STILL NOT OK WITH DIVORCE, but when you really don't have a say...
Last edited by Wildflower3; 04-05-2012 at 03:11 PM.