I just wanted to be happy, to feel loved, wanted, respected,cherished, desired, protected and supported.
I wanted him to feel for me the way I felt for him
I wanted him to love me forever
I wanted him to appreciate everything I did for him
I wanted him to stay faithful
He didn't do any of it.. Now I feel like I will be alone for the rest of my life, because I am unloveable.. Posted via Mobile Device
Starting,
You are not unloveable, if he was able to do that to the most special woman in his life, he will do that to all other women. Besides, like my friend says wouldn't you rather be a little miserable in the short run to find long term happiness? We will both get through this mess.
I was amused that the first page of this thread was mostly men responding with their bitter viewpoint of what women want. :P
I think women, and men, tend to want what they don't have, to an extent. I think if you are not careful, that temptation exists. The person who adores isn't nearly as interesting as the person who *could* adore you. THat doesn't make it at all right to keep jumping from person to person, just because they seem more interesting.
For my part I just want to be loved by someone I love in return. Seems simple doesn't it? Has *never* happened to me. I either love them, or they love me, but never found a viable love-sharing situation. Im beginning to think it's an impossibility for me.
For me I want the person I love, to return the love for me. For better or worse, not for worse, but until I drop 60lbs and look better than I leave you.
I want to cuddle with someone, and want them to cuddle with me. I want to go to a Baseball game and have a beer with her. My wife was never into sports.
For me I want the person I love, to return the love for me. For better or worse, not for worse, but until I drop 60lbs and look better than I leave you.
I want to cuddle with someone, and want them to cuddle with me. I want to go to a Baseball game and have a beer with her. My wife was never into sports.
Ahh yes... CUDDLES.. I miss them, although I get beautiful cuddles from my daughter, I miss a big strong arm around me, I also miss kissing... Although they both dwindled some time ago (when he checked out of our marriage and got them elsewhere) I hope I can experience the warmth of them again one day..
Proud.. Thanks. I know you are right, I just don't feel it right now..
12 days till the decree nici is issued... / Posted via Mobile Device
I had a heartbreak in 2001 that destroyed me. Granted we weren't married, so it wasn't as devastating as what you are going through, but it was my first love. The first time I loved and was loved back. It was intense and amazing and it was over in 9 months. We had been friends for 4 years prior but because of some bull**** (cheating on his part, lying on my part, doormatism on my part....lots of dysfunction) I broke up with him. Hardest thing I ever did. It was like something died inside of me and I spiraled into a depression that lasted almost 2 years.
A friend of mine snapped me out of it with some strong words and tough love and I started to build myself back up.
I dated other people, some for a long period of time, but...I was sure I'd never love again--- not like that.
Then I got word that he was getting married in 2007. October. I was happy for him but didn't call or contact. It gave me some closure and I was able to move on.
I met my husband in December of 2007. It is no coincidence that I met him and was able to fall in love...I was open and I had no other man taking space inside.
6 years I lived a superficial life. It was fun but I had no real feelings...not like I knew I could have them. Not like I knew I didn't want to settle until i found. I just felt for sure that I would grow old alone, with people for company and good sex.
But then I met Hubs and he blew my mind. It went beyond what I've ever felt for anyone in my life. It doesn't even compare to what I had before.
My point is, I hear a lot of people on here hoping that someday they'll find someone again...that they'll be in love again...and it may seem like a long time before that can happen. I mean, it took me 6 years. But it happened. And it will happen for all of you too.
Conrad,
Over loud and clear, I read ThatGirl's words a few times....you have to be open for love in order for love to find you again. However, I've realized (painfully) that I have to trust myself, love myself again, realize that I'm loveable, before I can be loved again by others.
Conrad,
Over loud and clear, I read ThatGirl's words a few times....you have to be open for love in order for love to find you again. However, I've realized (painfully) that I have to trust myself, love myself again, realize that I'm loveable, before I can be loved again by others.
Conrad,
Over loud and clear, I read ThatGirl's words a few times....you have to be open for love in order for love to find you again. However, I've realized (painfully) that I have to trust myself, love myself again, realize that I'm loveable, before I can be loved again by others.
That's part of it. You have to let go of your ex, in your mind and your heart. Check out ThatGirl's post again, about having no one else taking up space inside.
As you work on yourself, and with time well spent, you'll get to a better place as an individual. This is a prerequisite to being open to loving someone else, and letting them love you.
We'll get there, Proud. I still have my rough days when I feel down, sad and I miss my ex, but the difference now is that I know this is ok and just part of the process. These moments are less intense, painful and frequent. One of ways I know I'm making progress. You will too.
Perhaps the #1 thing I've learned from this experience is that you can never love anybody too much (more than yourself). It's a self-defeating attitude and although those we love so much appreciate it in the beginning, it works against us later on.
I feel women want to be loved, respected and appreciated. They want someone who can make them laugh. A lot of times you can't get all you that you want.
In my case the #1 thing I demanded in a relationship was loyalty. It' so important to me. Perhaps is because I have been betrayed in previous relationships.
What is the #1 thing for you? And do you guys feel whoever is in your life needs to give you all you want or is it ok with something is missing?
The #1 thing for me is loyalty as well; someone that will be there with me during the rough times, and not just abandon ship or give up too easily. That's what my stbxw did, she didn't stay and fight.
Through this whole process so far I've learned a lot more about me that I didn't know was possible, I've become even better of a father because I have to maximize the time I have with my kids.
The hardest thing is that I'm trying to not be too hard on myself, realize this is not all my fault.
What is the #1 thing for you? And do you guys feel whoever is in your life needs to give you all you want or is it ok with something is missing?
There's fantasy and reality. Fantasy, in my opinion, is expecting another person can be your everything, without anything missing. If you go into a new relationship with that expectation you will be disappointed and never truly happy or comfortable. You might also be looking for another person to meet your needs, which will only lead to "nice guy" territory. Been there, done that, never again. Of course it's ok if something is missing, as long as it's not a deal-breaker.
It's healthier to get to know and discover someone new slowly. Don't go into it with a checklist. I have a new mindset as I move forward from my failed marriage. I'm not looking to have needs met, but rather, I'm looking for qualities I like, values I share and/or respect, and some chemistry. Needing some things from another person, such as support and trust is one thing. Making another person your everything (and needing the same) is quite another.
Proudwidaddy: Loyalty is the most important to me as well. If you're loyal to me I'll go to war for you. This is what really ended killing my love for my wife when I saw that she diminished what I had done for her, augmented my shortcomings which really where no big deal but I always went along with what she said. This painful experiences will make us all better people. I struggled blaming myself in the beginning. Someone told me us men are wired to fix problems and always try to find blame in us for the problems around us.
Canguy: Agree with being better to get to know someone new slowly. Also I think it's best to not jump into another relationship right away. Looking for qualities instead of needs to be met is smart. Like it.
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Re: What do women really want 
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