I think that's part of why my wife left. With her it's all about career and ambition. I am happy to put in a good day's work, and then I enjoy my leisure time and walks. Although the says she doesn't not want another relationship, I think she might if the next guy is more her speed, has more ambition, money, etc.
In any case... 1) it still sucks, but less, and 2) I know deep down that we are both better off.
@Can,
I like your attitude of realizing it's over, and it's the best for each other.
I feel the same way, I realize it's best for us to NOT be together anymore. She changed, and I've had to change now because of that. I'm not a doormat anymore.
I'm also going to focus on qualities first, not needs. I've been accuesed by some on this board (and rightly so) of being needy. I need to be able to make myself happy first if I'm going to be happy.
I'm looking forward to getting to know myself more, become a better father, and stick with getting in better shape.
Conrad: I think because my wife has always suffered from low self esteem, not feeling good about herself she always looked for someone who she thought was in a way better than her to make her feel special. This was me. I fullfilled that role in the beginning but then things changed. She would accused me of not getting ahead in life when I finished school and she's still going. It was crazy the things she accused me of. In many ways she accused me of things she was doing to me. Crazy.
Canguy: I think when women start hanging around with other women they start comparing what they have. Who's husband is a manager, VP, exect in what company. Who does what. (Ladies please don't kill me I know women are not all the same but I see a lot of them are like this). I know that my relationship with my wife started to suffer when she started hanging out with her new group of friends. I saw a text from her now best friend telling her I wasn't good enough for her.
Lifescript: Remember that it is not that you are not good enough for her, it's HER that is not good enough for you. The marriage vows are for better or worse, not for better and better and better.
This will turn out to be a blessing for you, it will just take some time to get there.
@Life,
You are better than me, because I still have resentment and bitterness towards her, I know that I need to release that in order to fully heal. However, I just don't want her to be happy right now while I'm still trying to get better.
Proud: I know deep down I still love my wife. God, it's so hard to just let go and that's why I wish her nothing bad but yeah I guess I would enjoy to know that she realized she was wrong, cried some. But I wouldn't want her to be in a sad state for a long period of time mainly because it would affect our son. If we had no child, then my attitude would probably be different.
Canguy: I think when women start hanging around with other women they start comparing what they have. Who's husband is a manager, VP, exect in what company. Who does what. (Ladies please don't kill me I know women are not all the same but I see a lot of them are like this). I know that my relationship with my wife started to suffer when she started hanging out with her new group of friends. I saw a text from her now best friend telling her I wasn't good enough for her.
Possibly. In my case my ex had 2 coworkers and a friend leave their husbands within months of each other. She spent time with one of these women who has given me her reasons why she left her husband. A month later my wife gives me the exact same reasons, nearly word for word.
Maybe there was some estrogen synergy going on there? The grass-is-greener syndrome? For the record... of her co-workers, I've heard one is now lonely and still single while her ex has a new woman. The other turned to a new religion and is with a new man of the same religion. The friend is with the new man she cheated with, who also left his family to be with her. Talk about destruction.
I do hope my ex is happy. I don't feel she's truly processed the separation, and despite needing an IC, I don't think she's even bothered. No longer my concern, but I do with her peace and the very best in life, and I wish myself no less.
My stbxw wanted me to think like her , do things her way , never disagree with her on anything , have no friends (except those of hers) , have no hobby , report to her every 10 minutes , go to the funeral for only 1hr , drive her around all day on my days off , buy her flowers but only when she would want them otherwise if I bought them for no reason , I would be suspected of something .Under no circumstances I could buy perfume or lingerie for her as I would be instantly accused of sleeping with another woman , who wears either one of those ( sick isnt it ? ) , 8 beers a month made me an alcoholic , why did I spent $280 on gas this month while last month was only $260 ? The list could go on and on and on , but at the end of the day no matter how great I was ,I still ended up not being good enough and instead of eating dinner I had to scrape it off my car
Conrad: I think because my wife has always suffered from low self esteem, not feeling good about herself she always looked for someone who she thought was in a way better than her to make her feel special. This was me. I fullfilled that role in the beginning but then things changed. She would accused me of not getting ahead in life when I finished school and she's still going. It was crazy the things she accused me of. In many ways she accused me of things she was doing to me. Crazy.
Did you ever hear of the term "projection"
People accuse others of that which is foremost in their own minds.
Everybody has lists of traits, qualities, etc that they are looking for in a mate, but there are a few core qualities that are the foundation. Trust, respect, honesty.... so that trust doesn't become an issue, the ability to balance each others differing personalities rather than compete, belittle, ignore or control each persons differences.....oh and a good dose of chemistry, compromise and friendship doesn't hurt either.
My man broke on his own, I didnt want him broken. When he broke our connection was severed. Im not looking for a challenge. Im not even looking for a new man. Im trying to heal and see if things can be fixed. I keep going back to the song "Man in the Mirror" by MJ. I am taking a look at myself, trying to be happy and then maybe that can help to make my marriage happy again. I believe he is trying to do the same thing. I understand the contempt you have for women who just dump their husbands bc they are tired of them, but not all of us are like that.
A man who I can admire, respect and trust, who I can be proud of and say 'That's my husband/partner'.
A man who cherishes and respects me and makes me feel like I'm the only woman for him.
A positive, gentle man who deals with stress well and who doesn't blame everyone else when life throws challenges at them (before my most recent relationship I would never have put that at the top of my list, but now I realise how vitally important that is).
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Re: What do women really want 
and instead of eating dinner I had to scrape it off my car 
