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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Going Through Divorce or Separation » Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

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Old 04-13-2012, 11:26 PM   #136 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Yes, there is a point where you get so sick of them you just want them to vanish. But when they're gone it still hits you. Keep walking, Buck. Keep deciding to cut the cords from her.
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Old 04-13-2012, 11:35 PM   #137 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Keep moving forward Buck. She's lost and you need to concentrate on you and your health and well being. Maybe one day she'll acknowledge the pain she has caused you, but don't hold your breath. Your wife is dead... a corpse.
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Old 04-14-2012, 01:20 AM   #138 (permalink)
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Especially knowing that from what I can gather she'll be staying at HIS house Sunday night (she said she's dropping the kids off Sunday afternoon and going "out").
.
With the success rate of affairs she'd be dumped by OM in no time, it will suck to be her but that's her problem. In the mean time make sure to prevent any ill behavior from her towards the kids, especially if she starts opening up to multiple men.
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Old 04-14-2012, 02:16 AM   #139 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Buck,

Mate, just take the kids out to movies, take them out to dinners. Right now, you have to be both the Mum and Dad of the family. Rest assurred, you have to control the home. The children and you need that home, so dont let that go, you have to let her go

Cheers
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:27 AM   #140 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Listen to Dalvin, he knows firsthand.
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:20 PM   #141 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

What a lonely feeling walking into the house was tonight.

She has the kids for the evening. Walking in knowing there were no kids, knowing she wasn't here... wow, I can't remember the last time I had such a feeling of emptiness. This house is far too big to feel so empty.
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:03 PM   #142 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Hang in there..still been prayin for ya, I know this is a huge life change, been thinking alot today how I almost broke up our family..it kills me because my husband is a wonderful husband and father and at the time I left my kids knew why and hated me for it..I am so darn thankful for this last chance he has given me..I just can't stay away from him..I keep grabbing him and holding on to him tightly. I hope that your wife comes to the same conclusion.
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:25 PM   #143 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Get out of the house and get around other people. Don't stay home and mope.
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Old 04-14-2012, 11:38 PM   #144 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Buck, i remember that feeling....i hated coming home to an empty house and the loneliness was unbearable.

For me it felt like it was either flood or famine...the days when i have the kids i usually felt so overwhelmed because it was so exhausting looking after them by myself, and then the days when my H have the kids i will come home to an empty house, it felt so dead...no kids noises, no children's laughing or crying, no chattering during dinner, absolutely NOTHING.

Those days when i have to come home to an empty house used to break me....and then after a while i started to get used to my own company as i look for more ways to look after myself.

I would put relaxing music in the house for background noise then I run myself a long bath with a glass of bubbly and chocolates and just relax and take my time to pamper myself.

You will learn to enjoy your own company...when you dont feel like staying home make sure you fill those days (when you dont have the kids) with catch-up meetings with friends, meet for coffee or just hanging out with your mates.....it would do you good.

Hope things will get better for you Buck....im in the same situation as my H is right in the middle of his thick fog and no sign of waking up from it.

So hang in there....we will get thru this!
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Old 04-15-2012, 08:47 PM   #145 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Had a very rough day today without the kids. Once they got here it was a little better, but even dinner at my mom's with the kids couldn't keep my mind off of things. Knowing she dropped the kids off to spend the evening with "him" is hard to handle.

On the bright side, knowing I'll have the kids the next few days certainly should help ease the feelings of an empty home.

All that said, I am feeling better tonight. Not great, but certainly better. I'm watching a little TV and managing to laugh at it (I love That '70's Show, lol), which feels pretty good.
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Old 04-15-2012, 09:31 PM   #146 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Buck,


Keep at the 180. Don’t waver.
As far as thinking what your wife is doing, DON’T. You got to have the mental edge over yourself to be able to push through this. Only now (I've been doing a 180 for 7 weeks) is it really paying dividends. Basically I have focused on myself, whenever I get the chance. As a single parent, you never ever get a chance to look after yourself, but you have to put kids first right.

Well, when your wife is out with the kids - then you start looking after yourself.

I liken it to the oxygen mask on an airplane analogy. Whereby, in emergency situations, we are all told as adults that in the event of an emergency, we have to put the masks on for ourselves first, then the children. Well in our situation, we really, really, really have to look after ourselves first, then children. (I know that's against our parenting philosphies, but hear me out). Our children depend on us to be very strong and secure within ourselves. If we are not, then they really suffer. So Buck, whenever you get a chance to be by yourself, then its time to put the oxygen mask on and look after you. That means maybe the following;

1. Exercise / Take up boxing
2. Look after your self lookswise (Haircut, clean out wardrobe)
3. Clean the house, learn how to cook better meals for the kids

Trust me, the mental edge is something you need to get in your life, as you will find that most Betrayed Spouses, end up in a better state than their Waywards in the long run. Your marathon journey has to happen now,

So whenever you have a rough day, Make it a day for "You" - do things you want to do.
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Old 04-15-2012, 10:22 PM   #147 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Amen.
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Old 04-15-2012, 10:45 PM   #148 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

I am not sure if this is good advice, but if you are into it, go have some meaningless casual sex. It will help you take mind off your wife's infidelity and restore any self esteem hits that you might have taken. It will alos send a clear message to your WS(Whatever it might be). People here will ask you to wait until divorce finalizes, but they are just logistics.
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Old 04-15-2012, 11:25 PM   #149 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

Quote:
Originally Posted by warlock07 View Post
I am not sure if this is good advice, but if you are into it, go have some meaningless casual sex. It will help you take mind off your wife's infidelity and restore any self esteem hits that you might have taken. It will alos send a clear message to your WS(Whatever it might be). People here will ask you to wait until divorce finalizes, but they are just logistics.
Their marriage never went through, so technically he's single.


But seriously you should wait until you live in seperate house's. Is she she sleeping with OM or just hanging out?
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Old 04-16-2012, 12:45 AM   #150 (permalink)
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Default Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA.

She is sleeping with him. Hence my advice for meaningless casual sex
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