I'm not about to pass judgement etc, but as a Single parent, the least of my worries would be the opposite sex and getting meaningless sex. I just think that it complicates life if people did decide to go down that path. For mine, I'd rather just put myself and my kids first by getting through this, and building a better life with the family together. As a single parent, life is complicated enough as it is...I mean you lunches to make, school homework to help out, toilet training, and emotionally you have to be there for your son/s and daughter/s for their questions such as;
Dad, where is Mum?
Dad, I see you upset, why?
Dad, can we go and see Mum?
Hard questions like the above - are things Single parents need to prepare themselves with. If you are not prepared, you are not a parent.
Cheers
D
I dont want to be harsh on my judgement, and not dissing your advice. I just come from my background of being left alone/abandoned by my STBXW and my kids are with me.
Those questions sure are tough to hear from the kids, but they've certainly gotten easier to answer as the last couple weeks have gone on.
I know the focus needs to be on myself, but with her just moving out as of Saturday I'm struggling with the reality of it all right now. I can say for certain I woke up feeling better today than yesterday, but it's still a long road ahead. I have a good bit going on today and tomorrow, so I'm hoping that will help get my mind focused on things other than her.
Keko, we are in separate houses now. She moved into her mom's house this weekend. There's still plenty of her stuff to remove, but she is no longer here.
I have no desire for meaningless sex. The idea of even dating right now doesn't really appeal to me, let alone finding some girl to just have sex with and move on.
Glad to hear that you're doing well. It must be so overwhelming; so many things have changed for you and your boys so quickly. It's a good thing that you're there for them; a constant in a sea of change.
Also glad to hear that you'll be busy the next couple of days. You have your appointment with an attorney this week, right?
I'm not about to pass judgement etc, but as a Single parent, the least of my worries would be the opposite sex and getting meaningless sex. I just think that it complicates life if people did decide to go down that path. For mine, I'd rather just put myself and my kids first by getting through this, and building a better life with the family together. As a single parent, life is complicated enough as it is...I mean you lunches to make, school homework to help out, toilet training, and emotionally you have to be there for your son/s and daughter/s for their questions such as;
Dad, where is Mum?
Dad, I see you upset, why?
Dad, can we go and see Mum?
Hard questions like the above - are things Single parents need to prepare themselves with. If you are not prepared, you are not a parent.
Cheers
D
I dont want to be harsh on my judgement, and not dissing your advice. I just come from my background of being left alone/abandoned by my STBXW and my kids are with me.
He gets his off time, right? Unless he is obsessed with having sex, wouldn't it be alright? Isn't it just like any other personal time he gets. I am trying to understand.
He gets his off time, right? Unless he is obsessed with having sex, wouldn't it be alright? Isn't it just like any other personal time he gets. I am trying to understand.
I don't see where meaningless sex figures into growing, learning, and loving and taking care of yourself. Everything we do at a point such as this in our life must be done thoughtfully and have a positive impact on our character, whether short-term (treating yourself to a nice dinner or getting a haircut) or long-term (working out, attending support/prayer groups, pursuing your passions and interests, etc).
However, I am not one to pass judgment if others want to have meaningless sex. Free will, right? I'm just saying I would be spending my precious energy elsewhere.
Glad to hear that you're doing well. It must be so overwhelming; so many things have changed for you and your boys so quickly. It's a good thing that you're there for them; a constant in a sea of change.
Also glad to hear that you'll be busy the next couple of days. You have your appointment with an attorney this week, right?
Yeah, meeting with the attorney tomorrow. Unfortunately part of being busy today includes having to pick her up from work and potentially seeing her for a couple hours... had to get a taillight assembly put on one of the cars to get it inspected, so I picked it up around lunchtime from her work and need to get her when she's off. Hopefully the car will be done by then so I can just drop her off at the shop and be on my way. I made sure to warn her I was on the way, I have enough crap in my head right now, didn't need to see anything else in there to add to my misery.
Saw the MC again today, which helped get me a little more focused. Hoping to be able to use some of his ideas this week to help me get through the week a little better.
Yeah, meeting with the attorney tomorrow. Unfortunately part of being busy today includes having to pick her up from work and potentially seeing her for a couple hours... had to get a taillight assembly put on one of the cars to get it inspected, so I picked it up around lunchtime from her work and need to get her when she's off. Hopefully the car will be done by then so I can just drop her off at the shop and be on my way. I made sure to warn her I was on the way, I have enough crap in my head right now, didn't need to see anything else in there to add to my misery.
Saw the MC again today, which helped get me a little more focused. Hoping to be able to use some of his ideas this week to help me get through the week a little better.
Keep your conversation with her to a minimum. Stay on the 180, don't engage.
Spent about an hour and a half with her this evening while we waited for the car to get done. I pretty much let her have some time with the kids for the hour we were at the house.
There was little conversation except her mentioning she'd like to take the kids tomorrow night if at all possible, she'll be off around 5:30, so I'm only really going to miss out on about three hours with them. I told her it was fine (would like to have dinner with my friends, it was supposed to turn into an every Tuesday thing, but with her moving out that was stopped pretty quick) as long as she had someone to take the kids to school on Wednesday morning. For the first time in a few days I felt strong talking to her and I feel just fine now that she's gone.
It was kinda nice to see that she's not forgotten about the kids. I was a little worried that she'd make no extra effort to see them other than her days off... and while I'd enjoy the extra time with them, I know it would be tough on them to be away from her for 4-5 days at a time.
I think it's great that she's seeing the kids too, but I don't understand the whole thing with picking up her car, getting the taillight fixed, giving her a ride. Why are you still helping her out with anything? She lost the right to have you playing a good and helpful husband. Let her figure out how she's going to handle these things by herself.
I think it's great that she's seeing the kids too, but I don't understand the whole thing with picking up her car, getting the taillight fixed, giving her a ride. Why are you still helping her out with anything? She lost the right to have you playing a good and helpful husband. Let her figure out how she's going to handle these things by herself.
Absolutely. She's banging another man and you're still doing chores for her. Tell her this is the last time. If she doesn't want you as a husband, you are not going to be her errand boy or taxi driver anymore. She lost that privelege. Let her fix her own car!
The car in question is my mom's old car (2005 Elantra, not that it really matters). We bought it from her last month with my ex's tax return, but hadn't transferred the title yet. If she got pulled over with the now expired tags (expired as of yesterday), the ticket would be my mom's and not hers.
It was taken care of at my mom's request so she didn't have to worry about it. The title will be transferred this week and then trust me, I will absolutely not be helping her with any future issues.
I wouldnt be a taxi. Its not right for you the Betrayed Spouse - she is still using you as a handbag. Stuff that. Let her walk if she has to.
OR better yet, buy yourself a new car and you drive that and she can drive the Elantra. That'll make your day.
I wouldnt be a taxi. Its not right for you the Betrayed Spouse - she is still using you as a handbag. Stuff that. Let her walk if she has to.
OR better yet, buy yourself a new car and you drive that and she can drive the Elantra. That'll make your day.
Cheers
D
Oh, I got the new car. We recently picked up a 2010 HHR and that one stayed with me.
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Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA. 
