Buck don't be too hard on yourself. The 180 degrees and Just Let Them Go are tough and rarely can be implemented without some setbacks along the way.
The most likely reason why she was p!ssed was because you went out and her mind started to wonder if you were with another woman. The next time she tries to push your buttons and your feeling like loosing control, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Arguing with her solves absolutely nothing, frightens the children needlessly, and only gives her a sense of power that she can get an emotional response out of you whenever she wants.
Had a great day with the kids today. Morning at home with just me and them (and what the Easter Bunny brought) and a fun afternoon with them, my mom, brother, and some family friends.
Was pretty tough having them leave with her this afternoon though. This kind of thing is going to be very difficult to handle for awhile. They're going to her mom's for the night and will be back after lunch tomorrow. I'm hoping that not seeing her for the next couple of days (other than her dropping off the kids tomorrow and coming home for bed) will help get me back on track.
I have to say, I do feel like a weight was lifted last night. I'm still disappointed in myself about how I handled it, but I got a lot of stuff out that I've been holding back.
I'm working on getting things together so we no longer have to live under the same roof. It certainly is becoming clear that being around her so much won't work (once again, you guys are right, lol). Unfortunately it won't happen overnight, but I know I have to get the wheels in motion.
Now that you have some of the anger out of your system, do a hard 180 on her. No talking at all unless it has to do with the kids. Get that divorce going and stay away from her. Keep going out and having fun, work on yourself, get in shape, live for the kids' but don't let her feel you have any regard for her. You gave some of the power back to her last night, now you have to let that go and not give her any more ammo to use against you. You cannot afford to lose it with her again, because each time you do you give her another cartridge to load in her rifle.
Treat her like a piece of furniture to be ignored, unless she's in the way and you have to walk around her. Posted via Mobile Device
Now that you have some of the anger out of your system, do a hard 180 on her. No talking at all unless it has to do with the kids. Get that divorce going and stay away from her. Keep going out and having fun, work on yourself, get in shape, live for the kids' but don't let her feel you have any regard for her. You gave some of the power back to her last night, now you have to let that go and not give her any more ammo to use against you. You cannot afford to lose it with her again, because each time you do you give her another cartridge to load in her rifle.
Treat her like a piece of furniture to be ignored, unless she's in the way and you have to walk around her. Posted via Mobile Device
You're absolutely right.
I'm going to focus more on the 180. It won't be easy to just completely stop talking to her like that, but I am finally coming to terms with the fact that it might just be necessary. I've talked to her quite a bit this week, tried to be kind/civil, but I'm seeing that it's done nothing but make it easier on her and that is unacceptable.
In case you haven't realized it yet you are living with an addict and talking to her, covering for her, etc is enabling her addiction. Let me put this question to you. What has she lost? She has the OM. She still has you. She is still living in her comfortable house. She still sees the kids whenever she wants to. She still has you to pay the bills and take care of things. Why should she change a thing. She has it all. Everything her little dark cheating heart desires. And you are handing it to her on a silver platter as she kicks you in the nuts.
Stop talking to her. When she starts talking about her day, walk away. When she complains about something do not respond. Treat her like an unwelcome house guest because that is what she is. Why should she have the bed? Because she has work? Why do you care at this point? When you son cries for her why do you step in and comfort him? Why do you make excuses for her to him? She is not facing any consequences and until she does she will not stop. Just like an addict she needs to hit rock bottom. As long as you are catching her she never will and eventually your arms are going to get tired.
Face it. Until you are prepared to lose her and cut her loose you are her b!tch. And how can she respect and love a b!tch.
Also, get to a lawyer and have your marital status checked. Just because the license was never recorded, doesn't mean there are not common law statutes in your state that would render the two of you legally married for having lived together for this amount of time. You need to make sure the two of you're not married.
Again, whose name is on the house title? If the house is solely yours, and she is not named as a joint tenant or tenant in common, then you can legally boot her out, but you have to server her with a written 30 day eviction notice. If its your house, do not move out!!!
Good. Now he just needs to figure out the marital status. If he's not married, he needs to wait for the lease to expire and move on.
Unfortunately the lease on our house has another 10 months left. The lease is in both names.
She called to have the boys say goodnight. My five year old always says just the right things to get me crying, "I told mommy I don't want to go to bed. I want to come to you to go to bed in your house." What a sweet little boy I have.
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Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA. 
