How are you doing today Buck? Did you get some sleep? I hope you'll listen to Almostrecovered, and see your doctor.
I'm doing pretty well right now. I got about 7-8 hours of sleep, I did wake up a couple times, but was able to get back to sleep fairly quick. I woke up feeling pretty refreshed.
I've found some motivation and I'm getting some work done today. Cleaned up the third bedroom, organized some things, and have quite a bit I'm getting ready to sell on eBay (stuff from my old online business, stuff I've been sitting on for a couple years now). I'm going to kinda start hoarding money for now to prepare for the day we're both no longer under the same roof.
I don't have a doctor, but I did start looking into finding one last night to see if medication would be a good short-term solution for me. I'm certainly not ashamed to have a little help right now. I feel good at the moment, but obviously things are coming in huge waves, it would be nice to calm the waters so I can STAY focused on what needs to be done.
The plan for the rest of the day is to get some more work done... and afterwards I'm looking forward to getting out of the house for dinner tonight!
I don't post alot here, mostly just lurk, buy DAYUM I feel like I am watching a video of my situation!
I feel your pain man. When I was going through the D we both lived in the same house, and it was HARD!
Keep doing the 180! Change your appearance. I lost over 20# changed my wardrobe, hair cut, everything.
Its pretty obvious she has already noticed your differences. Keep it up, and keep em coming at her! Not only not engaging in conversation, but make her wonder what you're doing. The best defense is a GREAT offense!
Include your kids in EVERYTHING you do. Show them, and her you are the better person. This will drive her nuts! I took my son to BB games, hunting, races, shooting, anything I could think of. I needed to lean on him more then he needed me. It helped in alot of different ways. It also made us much closer to this day, and I have some great memories. (my 9y/o shot a 357 mag multiple times, and grin on his face will never leave my memory!)
Another thing that helped me, was one morning I woke up and said I was done with feeling like crap! I was going to have a good day, no matter what! NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING was going to bring me down. After that, I did it again and again. Slowly day by day I got to the point that I didn't really care what she was doing or who she was with. I just simply didn't care anymore.
I started changing myself. I was determined to take something postive from my situation. In my case I was determined to become a better person! It worked wonders. In becoming a better person i was amazed at how more noticed I became (I'm far from Brad Pitt) but just being a postive individual with some confidence, and new clothes was amazing. The comments I got frrom strangers was a huge ego booster! For the first time in a long time I had women I had never meant striking up a conversation with me!
I fast tracked everything I could. Sold my boat, and our nicest car within weeks of D-day. With in 1 month our house was on the market, and the retainer was paid to the attorney!
in the end she came out of her fog, I forgave, and we have moved on. It was not easy and still is not. Every day is a little better, and I am glad I have my family back, but the BS I had to go through I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I'm doing pretty well right now. I got about 7-8 hours of sleep, I did wake up a couple times, but was able to get back to sleep fairly quick. I woke up feeling pretty refreshed.
I've found some motivation and I'm getting some work done today. Cleaned up the third bedroom, organized some things, and have quite a bit I'm getting ready to sell on eBay (stuff from my old online business, stuff I've been sitting on for a couple years now). I'm going to kinda start hoarding money for now to prepare for the day we're both no longer under the same roof.
I don't have a doctor, but I did start looking into finding one last night to see if medication would be a good short-term solution for me. I'm certainly not ashamed to have a little help right now. I feel good at the moment, but obviously things are coming in huge waves, it would be nice to calm the waters so I can STAY focused on what needs to be done.
The plan for the rest of the day is to get some more work done... and afterwards I'm looking forward to getting out of the house for dinner tonight!
That's great, Buck! You sound a lot more positive now. It won't be easy but take it one step at a time. I wish you the best.
I've found some motivation and I'm getting some work done today. Cleaned up the third bedroom, organized some things, and have quite a bit I'm getting ready to sell on eBay (stuff from my old online business, stuff I've been sitting on for a couple years now). I'm going to kinda start hoarding money for now to prepare for the day we're both no longer under the same roof....
....The plan for the rest of the day is to get some more work done... and afterwards I'm looking forward to getting out of the house for dinner tonight!
Good! All good. You know what you ought to do? Start packing. Get some boxes and start packing up all your stuff that you plan to take with you and let her see you do it. This may be an additional douse of cold reality on her... or it may not. Either way, you will be that much closer to being ready to move when the day comes.
Buck you should be really proud of yourself...this is the worse thing for someone to go thru..I'm cheering for ya...also been praying for you and I mean that..I am a praying woman. Posted via Mobile Device
I definitely appreciate the prayers, I need the extra strength.
We briefly mentioned subletting the house and that might be something we look into some more as we get closer to being in separate homes.
The vast majority of the day I felt pretty good, pretty strong. A little over an hour ago, while still out for the night, I started going downhill a bit. I ended up leaving earlier than I planned, as I was really starting to struggle. I came home, had a very small cry in the bathroom, and now I'm on here.
I'm feeling a little better now that I'm typing this and I'm starting to feel very tired, which is making me think the weakness may have stemmed from exhaustion. I did get some good sleep last night, but one night certainly doesn't make up for nearly two weeks of bad to horrible sleep.
I'm still holding strong in regards to conversations with her and making sure I don't spy on her. There is/was some temptation tonight to check up on her, but I won't.
May I ask you all why he is not supposed to spy on her? Posted via Mobile Device
It's part of the 180. I'm guessing for a number of reasons...
1. I'd just be punishing myself, looking for information that can really only hurt me. I know she's talking to him, I know he's "more than a friend", we're no longer together, so what good does it do?
2. Let's say I don't find "enough". It just makes me that much more likely to question her, which is something I certainly don't need to do.
3. Let's say I find too much. Again, now I'm just punishing myself. Maybe now I'm angry, hurt, and I call her out. Yet another thing I don't need to do. Even if I don't call her out, now I'm hurting even more than before.
Maybe I'm wrong, but that's why I figure I'm not supposed to. It makes perfect sense to me, because every time I read an e-mail or other communication between them it tore me up. I only read those messages once or twice and I feel like I have them burned into my mind. I don't need more of that.
Just wondering, after my EA and after I came home hubby called our cell phone company to get itemized statements of every text, the number and time of each one, phone calls too, cost him some money but then again we are reconciling and you aren't so I dont know. Posted via Mobile Device
While you may not want to spy, you might need them in case she wants to reconcile. See if you can forward them to a (new) email account automatically so that you have them without reading them. She might delete the evidence after some time. Doing so, you can have a record of the extent of betrayal. Say if she had a PA, you might not want to reconcile. It will help you take a more informed decision if you have to. You can always delete them when R becomes pointless.
While you may not want to spy, you might need them in case she wants to reconcile. See if you can forward them to a (new) email account automatically so that you have them without reading them. She might delete the evidence after some time. Doing so, you can have a record of the extent of betrayal. Say if she had a PA, you might not want to reconcile. It will help you take a more informed decision if you have to. You can always delete them when R becomes pointless.
I pretty much expect that it has gone physical by now. Whether or not that means sex, I don't know. I last looked at her e-mails on Saturday... four days AFTER we were "done", and by that point the e-mails still appeared to show nothing physical had happened yet. But she was out with him for six hours on Monday (at least I assume she was with him the whole time) and has left for work very early the last two mornings, so I'm guessing by now SOMETHING has happened.
That said, at this point, it wouldn't be considered a PA, since we're no longer together. If I found out she'd done something physical with him it would only serve to hurt me and make my recovery that much harder.
I'm trying to view this thing from the standpoint that we will never try to reconcile. I think it's necessary to help me truly move forward.
In other news... my dreams were AWFUL to me last night. I had two dreams I clearly remember.
BOTH involved her showing interest in me (one she pretty much jumped me in bed) while still talking to him. Woke up immediately after each dream, which cut into my sleep a good bit last night as I had trouble getting back to sleep afterward.
Had a rough start to the morning as a result, but I think I'm coming out of it OK.
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Re: Moving on, doing the 180 after wife's EA. 
After that, I did it again and again. Slowly day by day I got to the point that I didn't really care what she was doing or who she was with. I just simply didn't care anymore. 
