First date with wife after seperation
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default First date with wife after seperation

Today I'm going on a first date with my wife since our separation. I am excited and anxious, I cant believe it feels like a real first date!

I used the last resort/180 technique and just started living my life for me. Well it worked, and after not speaking with her or calling her unless she called me she came around and began missing me.

I'm not sure what this date or the future holds but I'm hopeful. One day at a time and the future will be here before I know it.

Does anyone who has been in a similar situation have any advice? I haven't seen the woman that I spent the last 7 years with for almost a month. I think I'm more nervous than if it were a date with a stranger!
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Today I'm going on a first date with my wife since our separation. I am excited and anxious, I cant believe it feels like a real first date!

I used the last resort/180 technique and just started living my life for me. Well it worked, and after not speaking with her or calling her unless she called me she came around and began missing me.

I'm not sure what this date or the future holds but I'm hopeful. One day at a time and the future will be here before I know it.

Does anyone who has been in a similar situation have any advice? I haven't seen the woman that I spent the last 7 years with for almost a month. I think I'm more nervous than if it were a date with a stranger!
No advice from me but wanted to wish you the best of luck. I'm in Pennsylvania too and have been lost now for 14 months.

Congratulations and enjoy.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

Be sure to tell us how it goes and how you approached it. I have something going on this coming Saturday. If I have any advice, I guess you shouldn't pour salt in old wounds. Catch up, and if you must talk about the relationship, talk about how you will move forward.

Good luck.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:38 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I would stay a bit standoffish with her for this first date. Don't hold her hand or kiss or hug unless she initiates. Let her initiate everything on this first date. Be polite and gentlemanly, but don't act needy.

Do not talk about the separation or what led the two of you there. This is a date, talk about nice postive things.

Any sign of neediness will drive her off.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

dont complain about the Phillies offense
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:45 AM   #6 (permalink)
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dont complain about the Phillies offense
What offense? I could have taken the Phillies batboys, put them in rotation, sent them out there and got a better result.

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Old 04-09-2012, 11:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

Let us know if you get to 2nd base!

Seriously, good luck. I've never been where you are, so I wouldn't know what to do, either.

Go with your instincts.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:53 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

Be friendly but not too warm. Don't be too excited--act calm, cool. At the same time, it's okay to show some signs that you're enjoying this time with her.

Best of luck!
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:55 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

My advice is the same as others. For the brief hours that my stbxw came wanting me back I offered her open arms, hugged and kissed. Big mistake. 24 hours later she was over it.

I should have kept showing her what she was missing rather than reassuring her that plan B was lame and pathetic.

Hopefully you will be able to treat it like a first date with someone should be. What I wouldn't give to have my night over again. All the more reason I know she is not the one for me.
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Old 04-10-2012, 04:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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The date went superb! It started out with just being laid back and not all over each other or anything. We went for a long hike around a large lake near here and kissed at a beautiful vista. I guess we did everything people say not to, but I could feel it was right.

We talked a lot and really hashed out a lot of things that we were each bothered by. Talked for maybe 10 hours straight total.

We went to dinner at our favorite Thai place and laughed a lot

I told her that her leaving was the best thing that ever happened! She was very surprised because she thought I would hate her or resent her.

We are going to take it slow and build up to moving back in together if that's where it leads. Neither of us is willing to go back to the living hell we created for each other before so I think that's a pretty healthy attitude.

All in all I'm hopeful that we will reconcile and change what we need to change and move on with our life together.

I appreciate the advice but not kissing, hugging, or touching her would have pushed her further away. My lack of affection was one of the big problems to begin with and I wanted to acknowledge that and many other things.

thanks for the comments and advice! Keep it coming!
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by lostinpennsylvania View Post
The date went superb! It started out with just being laid back and not all over each other or anything. We went for a long hike around a large lake near here and kissed at a beautiful vista. I guess we did everything people say not to, but I could feel it was right.

We talked a lot and really hashed out a lot of things that we were each bothered by. Talked for maybe 10 hours straight total.

We went to dinner at our favorite Thai place and laughed a lot

I told her that her leaving was the best thing that ever happened! She was very surprised because she thought I would hate her or resent her.

We are going to take it slow and build up to moving back in together if that's where it leads. Neither of us is willing to go back to the living hell we created for each other before so I think that's a pretty healthy attitude.

All in all I'm hopeful that we will reconcile and change what we need to change and move on with our life together.

I appreciate the advice but not kissing, hugging, or touching her would have pushed her further away. My lack of affection was one of the big problems to begin with and I wanted to acknowledge that and many other things.

thanks for the comments and advice! Keep it coming!
I think that taking it slow is a great idea. After all nobody want just jump back into a bad relationship. If you don't fix what was wrong in the first place you'll prob just end up back her again.
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:21 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

Sounds like such a dream come true. Good for you and your marriage. It certainly seems like you are both on the same page. That is what most all of us lack, a partner w/ the same objectives. Good for you!
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Old 04-10-2012, 06:25 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

So happy to hear a positive story! Communication and laughter--two important ingredients for a loving relationship.

Last edited by LovesHerMan; 04-10-2012 at 07:25 PM.
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Old 04-10-2012, 07:23 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

Very happy for you! I hope it works out!
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Old 04-12-2012, 10:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: First date with wife after seperation

That's great! You are right to take things slow. I told my H this when he was giving me signs of wanting R, and we did. Took it really slow. Now we've been back together for almost a year and it's not been easy, but we are doing really well.

Wish you and your W true healing and a stronger bond.
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