being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 12:22 PM Thread Starter
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being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

Ok so me and my husband seperated almost 5 months ago i went to live back home(big mistake) and so did he.

My parents hate him. My sister and brother hate him to and they say that he treats me like ****.

My mother and father told me that If i wanted to stay home i need to divorce him or leave. He had made no plans to find us a place and I needed to look out for myself( he is looking out for himself) so i asked him for a divorce.

For 2 weeks he didnt talk to me until I got really sick and went into the hospital. My BF called him to let him know what was going on (My family would have never called him) so he came to the hospital that day (my mom and sister stayed over night with me) and then the next day came and stayed the whole day and I spent the night alone. (which was what I wanted)

As soon as I got out of the hospital my mother told me that we needed to talk about the fact that he was even there. My sister told me that I am selfish and that I need to realize that my parents sped money that they didnt have to come see me daily and that everyone is pissed that I had him there.

My H doesnt like my family and made some messed up comments to them and when they were not there like Morphine saved my marrige and when we were listening to a religous sermon he was loud and my sister said rude about it.

We are seperated and there is allot that would have to change for us to get back together and that is not going to happen overnight but the fact that they hate him (and he hates them so much) makes things impossible.

I need to get medication and pain killers and I asked my mother to get them for me. (mind you and am in crazy pain she hesitates and then told me that she was goign to get my father to get them for me (my H cant come to the house that I am staying at) instead she got drunk and fell asleep then. Then I got cursed out that My cousin decided to come and see me (without warning) Told that I am a dumb ***** for marring that ******* and i need to get the hell out.

I am broke activly looking for work and they know this. the only time that they want me to talk to my husband is to ask him for money and that is it. I dont feel like I can figure things out here. I can never feel at home anywhere.

I dont even know if things can be saved with my husband, but I am not going to be forced into it. They make me feel guilty for everything.

I want so bad to get my own place on my own and figure thigs out without them in my ear but there is no way that I can afford it for at least a month after I start working.

I need to talk to my husband and put it all out there. what I need from him for thigs to work out and if he and I can do that I would love to remain married. But I think if we do get back together I have lost my family forever.

I love them and I love my Husband. I feel like I have no way out.

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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 02:55 PM
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

How old are you?
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 02:58 PM
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

You need to get away from all of these people and start living your own life.

Your family has waaaaayy too much influence over your life regardless of whether or not they are justified in how they treat your husband.

My mother and father told me that If i wanted to stay home i need to divorce him or leave.
You are being heavily manipulated by your family.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 04:01 PM
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

You love your husband? You said you have a boyfriend.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by lostinpennsylvania View Post
You love your husband? You said you have a boyfriend.
I think she meant best friend.
Why exactly did you and your husband separate?
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 10:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

We seperated because we were not happy. My husband has had issues with addiction in the past (long before we got together) but he lost his job and started drinking and smoking allot. He has a bad temper and is very selfish. I lost my job as well and was having a horrible time trying to find work. The issues with my family have been a big problem as well as cultural differences.

(BTW i did mean Bestfriend)
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-10-2012, 11:16 PM
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

While on the surface it sounds like your family is overly involved in your life, I’m not sure that’s the complete picture. It sounds to me like they are giving you the parameters under which they are willing to help you.

They do not want to help you if you are married to your husband. I can understand their point of view. Your husband is rude to them, a drug addict, drinking (alcoholic?), smoking (dope? Cigs?). He’s rude, bad tempered and selfish. And he’s not helping you. I can understand where they are coming from.

If you want to lead your own life you will need to, well, lead your own life. This starts with you supporting yourself. It also starts with your husband taking some financial and other responsibility as well. If you are going to act like a dependent child you will be treated like a dependent child.

I can sympathize with your family. My step-son moved back into my house yesterday because he’s married to a real charmer who sounds a lot like your husband… a female version. I told him that the only way he can stay here is if he’s going to get a divorce. I don’t want the drama that she creates around me. I don’t want her anywhere near my house. I don’t want to be part of the constant fights and going back and forth. If he wants to stay married to her, he has to leave. I will not participate in the train wreck.

I’m not telling him that he has to divorce her. I’m simply telling him the parameters under which I am willing to help him. If he does not like the rules of my household he’s free to go live wherever he wants and lead his life in the manner he wants to lead it.

Seems to me that your family is telling you the same thing.

Last edited by EleGirl; 04-10-2012 at 11:29 PM.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 04-11-2012, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: being forced into divorce My family hates my husband and he hates them

Thanks for your post Elegirl. It makes me look at where my family is coming from . My Husband has made allot of changes since we got married and I have been an idiot telling them all the bad and none of the good making him look like a monster. Your right I need to stop acting like a dependant child. But there is allot more to the story then just this. My family has made no effort ever.
I am and will forever be the outcast. If there were problems in the house no matter if I was there or not they were all my fault. I have been kicked out so many times for nothing it is crazy (this is before my marrige)
They resented me for leaving and getting married and would call me to do things for them all the time. If I said no then they wouldnot talk to me for weeks and would never come to visit. I would have to go there, My husband always told me that he was number 2 in my life.
I am not bashing them, I love them with all my heart but they will never allow me to have my own life. More times then I can count I have been there for them when they needed me, so why is it so hard for them to do the same. Why cant they just let me try and figure things out without making it about them. Why cant anything ever just be about what I need.
I have worked all my adult life and supported other family members and never said a word(I still wont i didnt do it so people would reconize me for it I did it becuase I love them) But the minute that I need some help I have to be made to feel like a piece of **** for it? Who tells there daughter that they spent money to come see her in the hospital so why was her husband there? Who does that? Who said one minute that if he comes to the hospital there is hope and then when he does and stays with me I am a dumb ***** for having him there? What kind of mind games are they playing? I am sorry for the angry post, its just killing me I would never ever make them feel guilty for visiting them when I am sick, or tell them they are stupid for having there husband there seperated or not when they are scared that something horrible is happening to them because it made them feel akward.
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