I do know that there are lots of good, strong, loving men out there. You are the three I interact w/ the most right now ... but there have been others (don't take that wrong ). I just know that there are so many men who have been through so much and yet still want their family units together and want their wife to be their partner for life. Like JayB, SD, so many...
I'm proud to be a member of your TAM male harem Momma.
I am 3 for 6 (3 horrible panic attacks in 6 days). I thought I had gotten past this. They were horrible.
For the last two Tuesdays my stbxh has been pulling out money and my bills aren't getting paid. He is going out of town and has also gone to the zoo on a Friday and not w/ his KIDS!
Seriously he has seen his youngest 3 kids 2x in a month. Each time he came to drive them to their practice hand them to coaches, then drive them home 2 hours total. BUT HE WENT TO THE ZOO W/SOMEONE ELSE! How can he think he is a daddy when he doesn't ever spend time w/ them. Four hours in 4 wks!
He did call and ask about my mother (something happened to her) yesterday and it gave me a little hope. He likes all my stuff on FB now that he friended me (again) and I know he is checking on my status...but yet he is not interested in me.
I just finished a profile on Match. I need to work on it and add more photos, but somebody here inspired me to go for it. I need an adult male just to talk to if nothing else... but boy do I miss that something else!
Mama - I'm really sorry about the panic attacks; that must be really frightening. Forgive me if this has already been asked and answered, but have you gotten any kind of legal help? It's just not right that he's leaving you struggling to feed your kids and pay your bills I'd be panicking too. It's a horrible feeling to have responsibility, but not have any control.
I agree with OldGirl --there should be a way you can get some help. Can you pull some money aside and start your own checking account, too? Keep an emergency fund that he doesn't know about. If his debit card gets declined, he won't be able to get money, but you'll still have some. I've had to start doing things like that to set up an emergency 'slush' fund. I also straight out told STBXH that I refused to pay for restaurant charges that were not for us or his son. That it was really tacky to expect me to pay for his dates. If he needs 'spending money,' he can find other ways to get it (like, maybe, a job?!).
Definitely start setting money aside for you and the kids when you can --even if it's just a few dollars here and there. I seeded mine with birthday money from my relatives. It will give you a little peace of mind. Hang in there, Mama!
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. It woke me up. I didn't take a xanax before bed because the night before I woke up at 2 am and the room was spinning. I was so dizzy and figured it was from the xanax.
I agree with the idea of putting money aside. That is ridiculous that you are paying for his outings.
I browsed the Match site and my teenage daughter found out. I was just looking. I am no where near ready to start dating. She flipped out on me thinking I'm going to replace 'daddy'. Oh the things I would love to tell her about her father. I have to bite my tongue.
I hope you have a better day today.
Mama i agree with the others put money aside, it so important. and on a side note im starting to try to put together my little bio for match.com, im getting excited
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. It woke me up. I didn't take a xanax before bed because the night before I woke up at 2 am and the room was spinning. I was so dizzy and figured it was from the xanax.
I agree with the idea of putting money aside. That is ridiculous that you are paying for his outings.
I browsed the Match site and my teenage daughter found out. I was just looking. I am no where near ready to start dating. She flipped out on me thinking I'm going to replace 'daddy'. Oh the things I would love to tell her about her father. I have to bite my tongue.
I hope you have a better day today.
Jenny -- 'Private Browsing' is your friend. I use it more and more now that DS is getting more 'net savvy. If you use Firefox, just go to Tools, then you'll see Start Private Browsing.
And another thing -- since I know none of us are rich: if you use Upromise, sign up through them for Match.com, and they'll put 30% of your fee in your account. Or if you use the cashback sites, Fatwallet.com gives you 35% cash back, MrRebates.com has a 20% off coupon AND 30% cashback. I used them and got the cheapest pay subscription. AFter the discount and cashback, it ends up less than $10/month. You get a lot more features when you pay. OKCupid seems to have more free features.
Jenny -- 'Private Browsing' is your friend. I use it more and more now that DS is getting more 'net savvy. If you use Firefox, just go to Tools, then you'll see Start Private Browsing.
And another thing -- since I know none of us are rich: if you use Upromise, sign up through them for Match.com, and they'll put 30% of your fee in your account. Or if you use the cashback sites, Fatwallet.com gives you 35% cash back, MrRebates.com has a 20% off coupon AND 30% cashback. I used them and got the cheapest pay subscription. AFter the discount and cashback, it ends up less than $10/month. You get a lot more features when you pay. OKCupid seems to have more free features.
Man I wish I would have known that. I did an impulsive thing last night and bought myself a gift of 3 months. I just want to flirt... I think. I shouldn't have done it. I got Ims, emails and winks right away and took some meds so I could sleep and not stay up all night thinking of the fun possibilities coming my way.
Pof.com is a free dating site too, my daughter said her friends use it.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I had a panic attack in the middle of the night last night. It woke me up. I didn't take a xanax before bed because the night before I woke up at 2 am and the room was spinning. I was so dizzy and figured it was from the xanax.
I agree with the idea of putting money aside. That is ridiculous that you are paying for his outings.
I browsed the Match site and my teenage daughter found out. I was just looking. I am no where near ready to start dating. She flipped out on me thinking I'm going to replace 'daddy'. Oh the things I would love to tell her about her father. I have to bite my tongue.
I hope you have a better day today.
I haven't had any effects like that w/ xanax, I just try to save them for when I need it, I just haven't been using them fast enough and the panic gets to me and builds. As soon as I can start running again it will get better (I hope).
My kids are currently encouraging me to date so I am very grateful for that. They are tired of seeing me alone/lonely and know that I deserve to have adult fun too. How old is your daughter? Did you choose to leave or did your H end your marriage?
mama I'm so sorry you've had the panic attacks...Its the worst.
As for the money situation, I really think it might be time to watch out for yourself and not let your H have so much say in what he leaves for you and doesnt. I tried the same...having a joint acct and him promising to leave a certain amt for us...didnt last at all...he started taking more and more....then taking what I had paid bills with causing them to be rejected....then even did a stop pmt on my cable bill. What about opening another acct in just your name and telling your H that you are going to take a certain amt for the bills each payday or month before he can spend it on other things.
Or maybe just time to go for court ordered child support? Then you don't have to go through seeing how he is spending the money and knowing what a jerk he's being.
Hugs...take care of you
Thanks for the advice. I am really looking at getting the retainer (or a cheaper lawyer).
I am feeling really foolish setting up the match.com profile. I think I did it for validation, which is the wrong reason. Dang it. I hate spending money on me like this
Mama it ok to spend some money on yourself- you sacrifice for everyone else, you deserve it. Nothing wrong either for a little boost in self-confidence ( at least in my eyes- and i may be shot down for that) its nice to know that you are still attractive to other men out there, its not like you went out and did something-
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Re: OMG I really needed somone! 
I'd be panicking too. It's a horrible feeling to have responsibility, but not have any control.
It will give you a little peace of mind. Hang in there, Mama!
