Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?
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Old 04-14-2012, 05:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Hi everyone and thank you for reading.
I need to talk to someone about this but I have no one I can really turn to. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've had so many difficulties during our marriage, mostly because of me. We've lived apart for most of our marriage as a result. He asked for a divorce last year then changed his mind a month later and we started talking again. A few weeks into it he abruptly ended it again because he found out he'd gotten a girl pregnant while we were on the outs. I am so distraught by all this. He was the perfect man in my eyes.
We were finally on the right, same page or so I thought. I felt so hurt and betrayed. We both have no kids, this is his first born.
Now he wrote me an email stating he misses me and seems confused about what he wants. He says he has some things he'd like to talk to me about. I don't know what to do. I don't know if we were to stay together, how I'd manage a love child and another woman in the mix on top of all our previous problems.

If anyone else has a similar experience they'd like to share with me, please do so. I have no idea where to turn or what to do. I just know that one part of me wants to work on my marriage even though I signed the papers already. Yet another part of me wants to cut my losses and move on without him and the baggage.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

The perfect man does not get another woman pregnant...IMHO, you should divorce him and try to find someone who treats you right.
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Old 04-14-2012, 07:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

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The perfect man does not get another woman pregnant...IMHO, you should divorce him and try to find someone who treats you right.
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Sheesh, I gotta agree.
When I read you story it sounds like such a mess, I'm so sorry for you. But, putting it out there must be hard.

At the very minimum, I wouldn't have any discussion until he is on his hands and knees begging. This "not sure" crap is horrible. Same line I got and my stbxw and she not nearly the mess your's is.
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Old 04-14-2012, 08:48 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

wow
sounds really screwed up. But what caught my eye was tHAT YOU AND HE HAVE LIVED APART FOR MOST OF THE MARRIAGE. care to explain more ??????????
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Old 04-14-2012, 09:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stwifeblue View Post
Hi everyone and thank you for reading.
I need to talk to someone about this but I have no one I can really turn to. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've had so many difficulties during our marriage, mostly because of me. We've lived apart for most of our marriage as a result. He asked for a divorce last year then changed his mind a month later and we started talking again. A few weeks into it he abruptly ended it again because he found out he'd gotten a girl pregnant while we were on the outs. I am so distraught by all this. He was the perfect man in my eyes.
We were finally on the right, same page or so I thought. I felt so hurt and betrayed. We both have no kids, this is his first born.
Now he wrote me an email stating he misses me and seems confused about what he wants. He says he has some things he'd like to talk to me about. I don't know what to do. I don't know if we were to stay together, how I'd manage a love child and another woman in the mix on top of all our previous problems.

If anyone else has a similar experience they'd like to share with me, please do so. I have no idea where to turn or what to do. I just know that one part of me wants to work on my marriage even though I signed the papers already. Yet another part of me wants to cut my losses and move on without him and the baggage.
Have you banged anyone else while you've been apart?

Be honest.
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Even before this pregnancy news, you've been with the guy 5 years and have had to live apart most of the 5 years because y'all couldn't get along. If he was the perfect guy in your eyes, why live apart? There are probably aspects of his personality you really like, but it sounds like this has been a struggle from day one and there's no way a baby and a baby mama are going to improve it. You will now have to share him with two other people and share your limited family income with a woman your husband had sex with. If he loses his job or can't work, you could be legally on the hook for child support for the next 18 years, depending on where you live. This, for a guy who even now doesn't know for sure what he wants?
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Old 04-14-2012, 10:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

You know you need to get out. That is why you are posting here. Listen to your brain here not your heart.

Your heart is hurt and can not make rational decisions.
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Old 04-15-2012, 12:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Ya think?!!

Talk about a no-brainer decision...
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Old 08-12-2012, 11:17 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

The same thing happened to me. We were getting back together, when all of the sudden he started acting weird and he told me he was divorcing me. A year after our divorce, he wanted to reconcile again. Then he broke it off again. Three years after we split up, I found out he had a two year old daughter. Turns out he got her pregnant when we were having marital problems. The three year crazy period finally made sense now. He's come clean now, but he got her pregnant just before he came clean with me. He was in the hospital at 42 years old with stress problems.....ya think!!!! Apparently, he hates her guts, but stayed with her for the kid. Separate rooms, etc., then one night she crawls in bed with him. Two months later, she's pregnant again!!! He found ovulation tests, so she was planning the second trap. Refuses to work, etc. He's an idiot and I'm a bigger idiot for not seeing it sooner. Now????? He is talking about me in his future. Lol. I'm playing it for everything I can get!!!! He's a moron and I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Even if it were all true, he's still a moron and a scumbag!!! Live and learn!!!!
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Old 08-13-2012, 05:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

1stwifeblue, I am so sorry you are experiencing this. My best advice for you is to get in to some counseling and really figure out what YOU want. No one can answer the question of whether or not you can deal with his first child and the mother, but you. I can imagine that by staying its him, you would be embarking on a very difficult journey. It is on you to decide if that is the way you want to go. I would like to believe that if I found myself if your situation, I would have the strength to leave him. He has already left you Hun. More than once from what you say. No one is going to think less of you for leaving your husband after he impregnates another woman.
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Old 08-16-2012, 06:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stwifeblue View Post
Hi everyone and thank you for reading.
I need to talk to someone about this but I have no one I can really turn to. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We've had so many difficulties during our marriage, mostly because of me. We've lived apart for most of our marriage as a result. He asked for a divorce last year then changed his mind a month later and we started talking again. A few weeks into it he abruptly ended it again because he found out he'd gotten a girl pregnant while we were on the outs. I am so distraught by all this. He was the perfect man in my eyes.
We were finally on the right, same page or so I thought. I felt so hurt and betrayed. We both have no kids, this is his first born.
Now he wrote me an email stating he misses me and seems confused about what he wants. He says he has some things he'd like to talk to me about. I don't know what to do. I don't know if we were to stay together, how I'd manage a love child and another woman in the mix on top of all our previous problems.

If anyone else has a similar experience they'd like to share with me, please do so. I have no idea where to turn or what to do. I just know that one part of me wants to work on my marriage even though I signed the papers already. Yet another part of me wants to cut my losses and move on without him and the baggage.
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Old 08-16-2012, 06:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband Got Another Woman Pregnant, Hurt Our Last Chance to Reconcile?

Hi. The same thing happened to me, except I didn't know there was anything wrong with the relationship. He lied about money and I didn't know about it. Anyway, he broke up with me and wanted to get back together. I didn't want to. He was dating someone else, when she trapped him with a pregnancy. We didn't have kids after ten years of marriage and a twelve year relationship. I didn't know about the kid until it was over one years old. The problem? He tried to get back with me but never told me about the kid. He still tries, but says he's confused because he loves his daughter. Then to make matters worse, she crawled in bed with him one night. She was using ovulations sticks. They had separate bedrooms, and of course he wasn't going to say "no." She just had the 2nd kid through entrapment. It's sick, because they involved innocent victims. These kids are going to be a mess. Anyway, my point? The older the kid gets, the more guilt they feel and the more they love them. They get more cocnfused about who or what they want and who they want to be with. One side of them wants to be with the kid, and stay for their sake. While the other side wants to be with the one they really love. It's sick and a terrible way to live the one life you have!!! I washed my hands of it last night. Good luck to you and his on going and growing love for a kid that's not yours!
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