good idea SRN - i guess it's just a sign of weakness (or that i'm a glutton for punishment) that i haven't blocked her on FB and unfriended her yet.
and thx for the kind words arbitrator. when i read other ppl's posts that are in many ways similar to mine, i can easily say 'what is this guy doing, get out while you can!', but when it's your own relationship, it's so hard to look at it objectively, so i appreciate the posters on TAM who tell it like it is.
Trust me, Gear: I have weak moments of my own. Being the perpetual "nice guy," I, way too much, assign fault to myself for my circumstances rather than for who actually caused them. I'm still greatly haunted by a perceived notion of how perfect that I and my STBXW were, only to have her reassign her priorities in life. In some respects, I was her proverbial doormat. No more! I will always be a nice guy; can't ever see that changing. But I refuse to be a doormat again, no matter how much wealth they have. It wasn't ordained by God to be that way, and generally speaking, life is just way too short to have to put up with abhorent behavior like that!
hey arb, read through your thread...wow, that's a tough one. how are things now?
as for me, we are a bit delayed in our D filings due to details related to home-selling. anyway, i think i've been doing the 180 pretty well and feeling a bit better. haven't spoken to the wife for the whole week.
but just got a txt from her, an inside joke, after radio silence. i know the 180 isn't about being cold or mean-spirited towards the other person, but do i just ignore the txt, or respond in a 'cheerful' way just to let her know i'm doing fine and not bothered by the situation?
hey arb, read through your thread...wow, that's a tough one. how are things now?
as for me, we are a bit delayed in our D filings due to details related to home-selling. anyway, i think i've been doing the 180 pretty well and feeling a bit better. haven't spoken to the wife for the whole week.
but just got a txt from her, an inside joke, after radio silence. i know the 180 isn't about being cold or mean-spirited towards the other person, but do i just ignore the txt, or respond in a 'cheerful' way just to let her know i'm doing fine and not bothered by the situation?
We're doing good! Got STBXW's interrogatories due to turn in tomorrow to my attorney. But just staying busy with my boys right now trying to get them out of school. I'll try to send you an email internally on the system as I haven't tried that out yet!
Peace!
Ignore it Gears, she is not your friend, friends don't do to ppl what she did. And all none essensial contact is just hurting you more. So stop letting her hurt and control your emotions. On and aside tho, I really wish we could like as many times as we like some of the replies ppl make like Bandit 45 an others. LOL guys, And we got you in our PRAYERS Gears.
so the stbxw is coming back from europe this week after the 1-month 'i-need-space-to-soul-search' trip. i thought i'd been doing the 180 fairly well while she was gone, but what i found out today is that it is very very hard to do the 180 for the RIGHT reason without giving in, even subconsciously, to the WRONG reason (hoping that it will be a silver bullet that will make her want to come back). everyone on this site has warned that the 180 is not about that, but it's extremely hard not to have that in the back of one's mind.
so today, stbxw called to say this trip has confirmed to her that she does not want to work on our marriage, that she feels we are too fundamentally different in several key areas, and that although she knows i want to change and may be capable of changing, she does not want to wait and is not willing to meet me halfway (WHAT!? why am i with someone like this!?).
i was entirely crushed and am in a worse place now than i think i have ever been. i couldn't help but feel so angry at her and the huge crash in emotion made me realize that i had unknowingly gotten my hopes raised as i was doing the 180. i thought to myself "i'm changing for the better, surely she's noticing and she'll want to see this thru". STUPID STUPID STUPID.
so many emotions going through my head and heart right now, but i just wanted to get this warning out to anyone going thru the 180... as hard as it may be, do the 180 for YOU ONLY, do it expecting that your marriage is OVER, do not expect ANY RECONCILIATION, do not get your HOPES RAISED.
otherwise you will end up like me, worse off than before and just a crushed shell of a man.
I remember people telling you not to waste YOUR time waiting for her. But Im glad you figured out to do the 180 for yourself and yourself only. Good luck from now on.
thanks myselfagain. hugs to you as well. the emotional roller coaster is vicious, isn't it? i woke up every half hour last night w/ cold sweats and tears, i'm so restless, i came into work almost 3 hrs earlier than usual. i'm also doing a part-time business school program right now. to have my life crashing down around me during this time, with projects at work and during exam time for school...i'm close to the breaking point....
Take a deep breath Gear-----you can get through this. Staying busy with work and school may be good for you (try to get some exercise too....it helps!).
hang in there----you too Myself.
I hope you are smart in the D process and ensure you fully deduct the cost of her europe trip from the settlement.
Deep breaths and time is what you need now. Also some friends you can talk to who will let you be unhappy but who will also call you on it when you wallow and will get you going out and living.
Sorry you're going through this brother. I will tell you from my own personal experience that you are about to start a journey into your soul and discover how strong you really are. After all, you can't curl up on the floor and let the situation dominate you, you have kids that depend on you doing well and protecting them. Take deep breaths, let yourself grief the end of your marriage, and rise up. You deserve better and will find yourself in a better place, I believe this. I'm in no way completely out of my own mess but have been doing much better lately thanks to a lot of self reflection and great advise from members here at TAM.
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Re: moved from CWI to going-through-divorce... 
