I want the kids!

I am past the not sleeping and eating deal. I think I actually lost a little weight that first week. HAHA

I almost worked out last night before bed and then surfed on here instead. I plan on getting in better shape though.

the guy

The 180 has nothing to do with her, the 180 are the steps you need to take to emotionally protect your self, a way to detach and build up your emotional strength. She has beat you down so low, that when the 180 if done hard enough will help you, not her.

You can't control her, so don't try but you can control how you want to behave and the actions you take in not tolorating her unhealthy choices.


I get you love your wife, but are going to profess your love for her while she hooks up with strange man, or would you rather profess your love when she has made the healthy choices to change?

Also my point with asking her to leave and not allowing her to take the kids is just a statement that informs her the you are confident in moving on with out her if she continues.

She also uses the credit card to get accross town to be with her strange. Star doing the shopping.

Again do the things nessary to make her life style as inconvienent and as unconfortable as possible....even if it inconvienent you.

the guy

I though you guys were married, and you aren't supposed to know about her phone or mess with this stuff?????????

Please explain this to me

I want the kids!

She got a new fancy phone to chat online etc. in her name only. The only way I know about it is from snooping. She is keeping it from me. So basically if I stop the net she still has it on her new phone. I would just be hurting myself. She hasn't used the laptop since she got her phone. At least I don't think so.

I want the kids!

So my thoughts are to keep her thinking I'm in the dark so she keeps messing up and I can document this to use in court. Or should I admit I snooped and call her out about the phone and the craigs list posts? I don't think anything is going to work out so I have been focusing on court and the "end game". Am I thinking right or wrong on this?

the guy

IMO, you have a plan so work the plan.

Gather your date, but do so under the supervision of your lawyer. Sometime there might be something very spacific that will help, other times it really doesn't matter...depends on the state.

From a laymans thinking, any thing that can prove abandonment and unsafe behavior that endangers the kids is a plus.

At the end of the day your WW can be a paid wh0re and as long as shes a responseable mother she has rights. Most courts look at the wellfar and what best for the kids, no matter how much strange your wife gets. But in the same breath abandonment issues may come into play so keep track and document her comings and goings and write down the day and amount of time she is gone.

So in short stay dark and keep quit....gather and then confront with divorce papers.

I want the kids!

I don't know that I have a plan but I am doing something. Hopefully it will work and I get the kids they are all I care about right now. Of course I don't hate my wife, she will always be their mother. How good is up to her. I know I'll be the best I can for them since she is tossing this marriage away.

I want the kids!

Mornig, keep it coming please.
Yesterday I get home and no one is there? I look around and see everything looks the same. I fear she has taken off or something. But that is just my insecurity. There is a snack in the living room like she left quickly? I planned on mowing the grass so I changed and went outside. She called about 5:30 to say she was on her way home. NO supper plan in place though? She got mcD's for the kids? Looking around I don't know if she was home all day? couldn't tell if she had made lunch or not. I wish I knew what she was doing. Thoughts of getting a GPS and voice recorder pop in my head all the time but i'm a cheap azz also I don't want to get caught. Maybe I'm not thinking clear?

Also on yahoo does anyone know how to make it so when I'm online I can tell if my contacts are online? That way I could maybe track how much logged in time she is using while I'm at work.

Traggy

Does it matter at this point if she is online or not? She wants a divorce, she is cheating on you, sounds like a done deal.

Copy the ads on craigs list, document her staying out all night, lawyer up. I know the instinct is telling you to "worry about her", but you seem to be snooping for no reason. You already know what she is doing?

I want the kids!

I'm snooping to gain more proof for court. I want everything I can get to help win coustody of the kids.

Traggy

From your post earlier you pretty much said you were snooping because you wanted to know what she was doing.

"I wish I knew what she was doing."

I am just saying, what other proof do you need? You have the craiglists account, the pictures, the condoms. The last step is to literally just get her to admit it and record it.

I am not sure where you live, but recording people without there knowledge is illegal in some areas, along with if you live in a no-fault state. Which totally throws infidelity out of the window. The pictures on craiglists might just workout for you though. That is a bit wacko

I want the kids!

"i wish I knew what she was doing" I meant during the day.
I want to be sure she is still taking good care of our kids. Seems like dishes pile up and laundry and not having supper ready for the kids etc. Stay at home mom means do this stuff right? I don't mind doing some of the work around but not to have supper ready for the kids really pisses me off. They need to eat well to grow and be healthy. I don't care if she doesn't make any for me but take care of the kids!

Yes I'm in a no fault state but I'm hoping some of the stuff I bring to court will make me look better to earn custody. The fact that she is cheating just hurts me but doesn't really help me. If you know what I mean.

Pluto2

Discrete infidelity rarely impacts child custody issues. But blatant infidelity, particularly if the children are aware, directly impacts a courts determination of fitness to have primary custody. Then you can always hope that a contested case goes before a prude of a judge (which happens). I don't know what your attorney has advised, but why don't YOU file for divorce, seek temporary custody pending a final determination and cite her mis-deeds as a basis for obtaining custody. That forces her to defend herself which I doubt she can do, continues to give you time to prepare your case, and makes sure the children are properly cared for.
I understand your reluctance to kick her out, which was the primary reason I waited so long to do anything. My STBXH hasn't worked in three years. Now, he is going to go scam his family members to support him while his child support accrues. It seems while I could never convince him to help his family, the courts have no problem imputing income on his sorry butt and rejecting all his lame excuses.

I want the kids!

She filed already and I like the idea of her leaving me. I guess in my mind that will look good to everyone else. Getting them on my side so to speak.
I meet with my lawyer today to sign the petition.

Not having my kids everyday will hurt soo bad. Today leaving for work my daughter got up and followed me to the door. She asked if I would get her up every day and be sure to give her a hug before I left. (she doesn't have school on Wed.) I told her she needed her sleep too but she wanted me to get her up anyway. Tears my heart out thinking in the future I won't be able to get her up because she won't be here. This divorce is so stupid. I don't think I did anything wrong to justify my wife leaving etc. Why did it get to this point? Desperation pouring out again...
I love my family so much!!

I want the kids!

Anything more to add Ladies and Gentlemen?