My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?
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Old 04-17-2012, 10:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

So I'm new here and have read a lot but I don't understand some of the abbreviations etc. I'm sure my situation is not new but I feel it will help to start my own tread.

I'll start at the beginning and work thru. (may jump around but I'll try my best)

Found nude pics in the recycle bin on our laptop we share. Pics that look like what you would post online, no face etc. Looked at browser history and found Craigslist surfing, personals section. I asked my wife about it and she said she had lost weight and the pics were for herself. As for the surfing she was curious is all. I am feeling insecure and I say that to her and move on. So I start looking at the laptop more to "see" what is going on. a few days go by and I find she has posted an ad! Looking for a hookup! I don't call her out on it specifically but ask her about it and she drops the bomb. She says she wants a divorce! I can't remember what all we talked about but needless to say I didn't feel good.
We talked again and I told her I was willing to do what ever to make her feel good etc. She said she wants to take the kids and move to TX from IA! I tried to be calm and said we could sell everything and go if that is what she wanted. She thought that would be good so I can be by the kids but we still wouldn't be together. She wanted to rush thru the divorce and move before school starts this fall! My son just turned 3 and my daughter will be 5 next month so I am falling apart thinking about how this will hurt them. I love my kids soo much! So I still thought we could meet in the middle and she could do what she wanted, basically I wanted the easiest solution to make the impact to the kids the easiest. A week went by with this mind set and she went out with her friend (that is what she told me anyway) got home around 4:30! So I snooped around while she was out. I found condoms in her old purse and we don't use those so who are they for? I couldn't believe it! She divorced her first husband because he cheated! and now this? So I snooped more and found she has a new cell phone. Found a dildo in plain sight! I took pictures of everything I found, it may help in court? So at this point I need a lawyer but it is the weekend. Monday I call and go see a lawyer. My wife was going to file Tuesday so I have to tell her the fight is on Monday night.
I told her I want the kids and she said the gloves are off! She also said that I am f'ing her and I told her that I wasn't trying to mess with her I was looking out for what is best for me and the kids. I don't want to be a weekend Dad!

She keeps talking to who knows who on her phone and posted more ads etc. I should say I have not told her that I snooped and found stuff. I figure I'll let her keep doing whatever and I'll keep documenting it for court. Being the Dad I will need all the help I can to keep the kids.

I have read so much online I'm surprised my boss hasn't called me into his office yet. I am currently doing the "love Dare" book but doubt it will help and at this point I don't know if I want her back? My biggest concern is our little kids! I feel it is harder and harder to be strong but I have to be for my kids!

Time line:
March 15th she took a vacation with another couple for a few days. He is a trucker and they could ride up to the mall of america with him etc. Sounded iffy but I trusted my wife. She called and said the plan of his route changed and they were renting a car. Fine, whatever. She came back with presents etc for the kids. To be clear on the story, I had never met these people. I did ask for the gals name and number incase I needed to call. She thought I was being her father (which she hates) I tried to tell her I wasn't but I was being her husband. This should have been a big red flag but I didn't see it at the time.
March 20something, I found the nude pics etc.
March 29th I asked again and she said she wanted a divorce.
April 9th I meet lawyer.
April 10th she files.
April 12th she signs whatever at her lawyers.
April 12th I finally get to talk to my Stepson about how I still care etc about him. (met when he was 6, he is now 20)
April 14th she went out again until 4:30!

Well this is pretty long I'm sorry but I want to get this out.

Please help anyway you can. I got to keep my kids!
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

Sorry you're going through that... Definitely fight for your kids. As a mom, I just don't understand why you wouldn't want your children to have a "full time" dad rather than a "weekend" dad. As much as it hurts my heart, I let my soon to be ex husband have them for almost half the week. It's what is best for the kids. Keep documenting everything as well. Craigslist hook-ups are gross. Yuck. Stay strong! These forums have helped me a lot so far.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:03 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

I worry about her well being. She doesn't really know these guys she is doing whatever with and she might get hurt or a STD or ???
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:07 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

Hate to say this but you should have your children DNA checked.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-19-2012 at 10:09 AM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:08 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

I would mostly be concerned about STD's... I actually am in the HIV/STD field and know that is where a lot of people hook up and do not disclose their HIV or STD info. Hopefully she is using the protection every time. It is risky to meet people online not knowing if they are crazy or not. She is definitely putting herself at risk...
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:28 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

The kids are mine for sure they look just like me. It is almost like something snapped in her mind. We had ups and downs sure everyone does but to throw our 14 year relationship away? Our 7th year of marrige was / is next month too. I don't get it. Some of the stuff she has said in posts and e-mails makes me scared for her. If she just needed to get freaky, I could have done that. We had a wild sex life when we first got together.

So confused...
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

Thought I would get more hits than this.

Going to the lawyer tomorrow to sign the petition thingy.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

Going by your name, this is a site you need to check out, pronto:

Divorce Advice for Men and Fathers | Men and Divorce | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com

It's geared towards getting and keeping fair custody.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:12 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

Quote:
Originally Posted by I want the kids! View Post
The kids are mine for sure they look just like me. It is almost like something snapped in her mind. We had ups and downs sure everyone does but to throw our 14 year relationship away? Our 7th year of marrige was / is next month too. I don't get it. Some of the stuff she has said in posts and e-mails makes me scared for her. If she just needed to get freaky, I could have done that. We had a wild sex life when we first got together.

So confused...
You CANT be sure until you get a DNA test.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

The kids look just like me. I mean my son could be me in my baby pics. I don't care if they aren't mine I have raised them from birth.
I do know they are mine though.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:47 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

When you see the lawyer make sure you talk to him about a moral clause that will prevent WW (wayward wife) hook up's/OM (other men) from being around the kids.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks for the tip.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:54 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

After the lawyer....turn off the cable/internet, and her cell phone.

Protect your self finacially by stopping all credit cards and but a hold on any banking accounts.

Your WW will get pissed. but sometimes you have to push them away and make them face the reality and consequences for her unhealthy choices.

Have you made copies of her ad's?
This is very important, it shows a very unstable mother that has a very unhealthy life style.

Continue to document her coming and going, aspecially the amount of time she is gone.

Start the 180 and ask her to leave. She may refuse but the statement alone will tell her how confident you are in letting her go. AND DO NOT LET HER TAKE THE KIDS, call the cops if you have to!
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:59 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

All this crap will be hard on the kids, but for now making her life style choices as difficult and inconveinent as possible to continue.

And nevr ever beg or cry for you marriage, it unattractive, right now you need to be as attractive as possible so go and get a hair cut, buy some new cloths and take care of your health, your kids are depending on to fight for the family and you can't do that when your not sleeping or eating.
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife says she wants a divorce. Any help appreciated?

We don't have cable, the internet I use, Her phone is a secret that I'm not to know about. Basically I can't mess with that stuff.

She uses the credit card to buy groceries etc for the family. Also it is in her name. Bank acct are seperate. We never did the joint thing.

I have save copies of the ads I know about.

How can I ask her to leave when I want the kids to stay. Also I don't know that she has anywhere to go really. I guess she could crash on a couch someplace. I'm not ready for my kids to deal with that yet. I rather stay and help. We are working as a team still but it is weird.

I have done some of the 180 already but am reading "the love dare" and is says to give love to her but not expect anything back. Not sure which way is right really. I guess the love dare book is to help get her back but I thought the 180 is to do that too?

Keep posting I need the help.

Thanks,
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