How long does it take to feel again? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
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How long does it take to feel again?

I previously posted about my 'Jerry Springer' episode of a marriage back in February and was advised to just let it go and move on. Since then friends and families got involved and we are now about to start divorce proceedings.

I have been trying to live life and move on and I'm wondering when you start to feel anything again? When it becomes real and you realise that you spouse is never going to be part of your life anymore? When you can start to get good night's sleeps and know that just because your STXH didn't appreciate or respect you, someone else on the planet will and you won't be alone for ever. And how to rebuild your self esteem and feel like a person of value, not a doorstep to tread on.

Basically, what is the turning point where you stop feeling like a failure and start to feel in control of your life again?
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 11:04 AM
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Re: How long does it take to feel again?

Everyone is different. All of those questions are for you to decide.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 11:05 AM
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Re: How long does it take to feel again?

It is different for everyone. Then, you will get broad, general advice of up to 2 years.

It's been 10 months for me and I'm still lost.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 11:25 AM
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Re: How long does it take to feel again?

and yet six weeks and I'm done - it helps that he's exhibiting the behaviour of a 12 year old

you have to take control of it though - remember what you are like as a person, not what you were as part of a couple
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 11:35 AM
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Re: How long does it take to feel again?

My wife hit me with the divorce word 3 weeks ago tomorrow. She is secretly cheating and going on craig list for hook ups. I didn't believe our marrige was bad at all but it is clearly over now. The first week I didn't eat much or sleep. I would go to work and surf all day trying to find answers how to fix this. As that week went by and she went out I snooped around and found disturbing things that are making me understand it is over. My biggest issue is we have 2 small kids. I fear the future for them more than me. This woman is the only one I have known. Never been with another. It is / will be real hard for me to move on. I know some of the things she has posted on craigs and I want to bust into our bedroom and show her I can be that guy but she doesn't even want me to see her naked let a lone have sex etc. I asked her for sex once since. Easter I tried to do it but I had trouble because I knew she was discusted by the idea.
Sorry I'm getting off point.
You really have to make a specific decision to move on and see that you have to be happy in the future. You have value and are good in many ways.
This is easy to type but hard to do. Somedays I feel I have started to move on but other days I slip back. My biggest issue is I'm still looking for more evidence to use in court. When I find things it hurts and I slip back.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-18-2012, 12:39 PM
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Re: How long does it take to feel again?

It does have to be a conscious decision. It takes work and know that it will take time and sometimes there will be backslides. Forgive yourself and think about what you can control today. Then take control of it.
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