I felt that way for a few months but he has show absolutely no sign of changing his mind or remorse for what he has done to our family. I have pulled a hard 180 and am done, ready to move on.
That's not to say that if he started change (soon) I wouldn't consider it, but he would have to make major changes/efforts (I don't see it) and he'd have to do it before I got serious w/ someone else. The door isn't shut completely to anyone right now... I am open to all possibilities but I am ready to move on w/ my life.
I wish I was at where you are now!! I admire your strength.
I'm guilty of overanalyzing it. Afterall, she may have legit reasons for her actions. Fine. Leave it at that.
I think I am letting go; I'm certainly more comfortable now than I was a month ago; isn't that progress? It's just that I am comfortable with where we are now, and a further, sudden change, is like a trigger for me.
Our interaction has decreased a lot.
The hard part for me is that I am alone in rebuilding my life. I lost myself/my identity in the marriage and am now alone at a time when I need plenty of others and activities. At the same time, I'm coming out of a severe withdrawal/depression, apart from my marriage troubles, so that the combination of both, pulls at me.
The hard part for me is that I am alone in rebuilding my life. I lost myself/my identity in the marriage and am now alone at a time when I need plenty of others and activities.
I can sympathize with that...had to do a good bit of that myself. I will say though that once you do start getting out and about, renewing contact with old friends, making new - you'll be surprised at the amount of support you'll received (at least I was). It is this more than anything that has helped me along so much.
I consider the 180 and then I think "I don't want to be like that. Cold and indifferent. I don't want to meet bitterness with bitterness. I don't want to detach; to quit. She may have done it, but that's not who I am." Anyone else feel this way? Or is this just co-dependent b.s.?
I feel the same way NJ dad. I know now I had a bit of codependency with him that I am working on for myself and any future relationship. I understand some of the 180 for certain reasons but I'm not a mean or bitter person. I think the times I stuck to it, it only made things worse.
Part of me doesn't want to detach from him but i also know that if i don't it will just cause me to not live any life at all. Posted via Mobile Device
I feel the same way NJ dad. I know now I had a bit of codependency with him that I am working on for myself and any future relationship. I understand some of the 180 for certain reasons but I'm not a mean or bitter person. I think the times I stuck to it, it only made things worse.
Part of me doesn't want to detach from him but i also know that if i don't it will just cause me to not live any life at all. Posted via Mobile Device
That's where my mind is at. A complete 180 seems abrupt/cold. Yes, I realize I must detach because my stbx has already, and chooses not to love me. So, I either cling and flame out, or, I detach and heal and recover. Somehow. Someway.
I'm taking the principles and applying some of them to my situation, based on our personalities. Maybe that makes me weak. Or makes the 180 less effective. Or takes longer.
That's where my mind is at. A complete 180 seems abrupt/cold. Yes, I realize I must detach because my stbx has already, and chooses not to love me. So, I either cling and flame out, or, I detach and heal and recover. Somehow. Someway.
I'm taking the principles and applying some of them to my situation, based on our personalities. Maybe that makes me weak. Or makes the 180 less effective. Or takes longer.
Isn't you filing right away a bit of a 180 and all it did was backfire. It hurt her and she seemed to give up.
This is a difficult situation to be in. Posted via Mobile Device
Isn't you filing right away a bit of a 180 and all it did was backfire. It hurt her and she seemed to give up.
This is a difficult situation to be in. Posted via Mobile Device
You know, you're right. I took some initiative there. She did say that the way I filed (no warning/discussion) was the ultimate last straw. However, that could be just an excuse.
I often wonder had I not filed, where we'd be today? I feared then that just as I though things would settle, she'd file. I heard from someone that she wants a divorce and it didn't matter who filed.
I am actually there now... I don't care who files, it doesn't matter really I just want to move on w/ my life.
Jay, I hope you can start feeling better. I bought a book and am working my way through it. It's called something like Rebuilding after divorce. It's making me think about what I want.
my ex has done a total u-turn over the past few weeks, going from saying it was all his fault and that I was blameless to it now being all my fault...
he's not followed through on one single thing he said when he walked out and you know what? it's brought home to me just what a lie our relationship was for so long
we are both detaching massively - all the 'we'll always be friends' stuff was just what was said at the time because it seemed like the right thing to say. I know that once he's picked up the rest of his stuff we'll never see each other again.
I know it's difficult but you have to look after yourself now, she's not going to do it....
I am actually there now... I don't care who files, it doesn't matter really I just want to move on w/ my life.
Jay, I hope you can start feeling better. I bought a book and am working my way through it. It's called something like Rebuilding after divorce. It's making me think about what I want.
I'm reading that too. Someone recommended it to me on this board. Its helpful.
I seem to go in stages. One minute I don't care then I feel paniced and sad. It just erks me how easily he seems to be able to walk away.
I guess I'm closer to the end than the beginning. Posted via Mobile Device
I wish I was at where you are now!! I admire your strength.
Jenny I have been going through this since T'giving maybe even 14 months before that (when I started to feel him pull away). It certainly wasn't over night. He has done some crappy things which helps the detachment. You will get there if you have to.
3Likes
Re: Gonna spiral 
I took some initiative there. She did say that the way I filed (no warning/discussion) was the ultimate last straw. However, that could be just an excuse.
