I tried to snoop a bit, but I'm uncomfortable with it. All I found was the text message conversation with her friend, and she also changed her e-mail password, so I can't check there.
Yes, she brings in more money than I do. We live in a rural town and all I can find since we moved back are part-time jobs. I work between 25-32 hours a week, and she works 12 hour shifts 3 times a week.
Install a keylogger on the computer she uses and find out her email/facebook passwords.
All of her action's so far are of cheater's. From now on don't confront her with every little piece of evidence. Take your time, act normal and gather as much as evidence you can.
Location: Farmville, NC. Yes I live in Farmville!!!
Re: My wife has told me she needs a break...
If it helps anyone, here's a bit more insight. In February, when our issues were brought to my attention, it occurred 3 days before Valentine's Day. When I was informed by my wife that she needed a break it was April 20, and my birthday is April 24.
She's trying to disqualify herself hoping you'll push her away so she doesn't have to feel responsible for ending the marriage on her terms. Either this could mean her acting out of terms over an excuse to leave or intentionally trying to leave clues behind so you'll push her into an affair. You simply have to trust your gut about an affair. And I would start cancelling joint accounts and prepairing yourself for the absolute worse immediately. Not to alarm you but.... you better get your emotions under control ASAP and learn to agree with her. Trust me on this one, I had to face a BS restraining order and not pitch a fit when I noticed a hickey on my wife.
The big signs I saw that may clue you in besides wanting a break and not telling you she loves you are.....
Did she start mentioning a friend repeatedly over the last six months? Maybe a man/woman that she keeps wanting to tell you about. She may have been seeing this person for a while but can't quit so she's hoping things will work out and she doesn't have to face the grief of ending her marriage over an affair. Look up "women's infadelity" it will tick you off but it explains a lot.
Is she hanging around any one woman or group of women that are divorced and into the pathetic 30+ party scene? This could be someone with a rocky marriage, but they give you the stink eye when you see them.
Did her sense of humor or likes/dislikes change all of a sudden, but when asked her interests, stories, and jokes are quickly forgotten.
Has her working schedule suddenly changed within the past six months, yet she is wishy washy about her time off.
Does she tell you she needs space when you are by no means bothering her? If you text her or call her on her lunch break does she return your contact in a timely manner or does it take her hours or until she comes home to talk to you.
Have you noticed a change in her walk from stiff to swaying and free in the same day? I'll explain this one later.
Has she been talking about expensive things she wants, vacations, fancy living arrangements? For examply does she keep bringing up a new car when you both can't afford one at the moment and you old one works just fine?
Has she thrown away or gotten rid of things you have given her?
That's all I can thnk of for now. Your mission should you choose to accept it will be to get some proof that she is either talking to or physically emotional with SOMEONE SHE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT. Anything you can gather from a FB profile, to a pic, to recorded conversation or even phone reccords. Easiest way would be a phone reccord proving she has been calling the same number over and over for long periods of time..... you get that and you can reverse the number to find the persons name and address. If you can get a ahold of her computer you take it an expert who will unlock it with a hash file (for windows not sure about mac) and you can either find a stored password for her email on her computer or install a good key loger. You get into her email account and you can not only see her conversations but where she and the other person sent them from exactly (like the exact house). Phones are harder to trace without a court order and 6-8wks. The easiest way would be to get her to respond to an email and then trace that.
Also have to add that it's time for you to 180 NOW!
If you think she's cheating then react like you're living with a cheating wife and stop trying to get her to show any affection, because she lost respect for you long ago and will lie to your face to keep you from getting upset when the evidense is right in front of you. You must pull away and stop sleeping in the same bed as her. Stop going out on dates until you feel like you can trust her. I know it's sweet but why should you be paying for a fun evening if she won't even toss you a quicky once in a while. You can date her later going dutch as friends but you are not emotionally ready yet, maybe in a month but not now.
What I see is the unwravelings of a cake eater in the closet. You are the fall back guy keeping her family safe and providing food and shelter while she pretends she is happy but she is really bored and looking for exitement elsewhere. I really hope it's not an affair but at least with an affair you know what you're dealing with. If it was some other external force pulling her away you'd be at a loss for quite some time.
I can tell you from experience exactly where you stand.... you're in the YELLOW zone! She still lives with you but there's something going on and one really bad day could be just the excuse she needs to leave and go further a relationship, single life, or pretend she's in her teens and has no kids to take care of. That's why where all telling you to work on getting a grip so conversations like the one where she comforted you with bold face lies after you got close to the truth won't happen again.
You're going to need to be very strong if you have to confront her and treat her like she's let you down, not approach her like a lost puppy or homeless child. I did this twice and it hurt more each time and killed the dream I had for us, but at the same time it felt good to let my W know I would not put up with that in a calm way. I could write books about this but I'll keep it short and tell you confidence is key. When you pull away she's going to do just enough to keep you hanging on and it's going to be your choice to either let her have her affair and go on a dates twice a month until the OM gets too possessive and screws up or let her go experience what was so damn worthy of screwing up a good marriage and then make her work to earn your trust again.