needhelp1976

Well, my H has mentioned divorce for the first time since he told me the marriage was over 6 months ago. I have gone to as little communication as possible since a conversation we had earlier in the week.

My H wants me to move on, but also wants us to live together as roommates. At one point in our talk I said that I married for life and that we are still legally married. He told me that our marriage is over and the legal part is just a piece of paper. He actually told me that if I kept trying to save the marriage that he would divorce me.

I don't want a divorce, I want to try to renew our relationship and have a better marriage.

My life right now is like we are divorced except the financial impact and the pain of going through the actual splitting up our joint property. I am lonely, sad, and trying to find ways to fill my time like going to church, volunteering and spring cleaning the house. My H uses our home to sleep a couple nights a week but he is with someone else most nights. We haven't talked to each other except briefly on the phone for several days.

It is killing me to feel as if I am giving up. I know I need to do things for myself and I am working on that. Giving up is not what I want to do. I want to work on the marriage.

EleGirl

What you are doing right now is enabling his bad behavior and treatment of you.

He's a cake eater. He has both you and his girlfriend. The best thing you could do to save your marriage, if that is what you want, is to file for divorce. Then tell him to move out.

If you do that he will not have you anymore and he will have to depend on his AP for all of his emotional needs. She is not going to meet all of his needs. This will put pressure and the affair and will most likely cause it to break up.

Is she single or married? If she's single tell her parents and his parents/family about his affair. If she is married also tell her husband.

What you have been doing is encouraging the affair to continue and for him to mistreat you.

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Traggy

I lived exactly how you are living right now for almost 6 months. You can not live like this. It will break you.

827Aug

My estranged husband told me "it's just a piece of paper" eight months after he moved out. This was a 20+ year marriage, so it was beyond heartbreaking to hear that. I put up with a lot of the behavior you are tolerating for a year. When I could no longer live with the "cake eating", I filed for divorce. It definitely ended the fence straddling. But, he went the other way. At this point you really have nothing to lose. Put an end to his "cake eating" for your own mental well being.

SlowlyGettingWiser

You can do this if you want, but breaking up the affair will just make him move on to another woman. He will see you as a spiteful, vindictive woman which will NOT make him want you any more than he does now (which is not at all). It's not like OW and you are the ONLY 2 women left on earth so if you break them up, he HAS to come back to you.

But your husband has made it abundantly clear that he does in his letter to you. You don't get to choose for him! You can't single-handedly force him to stay married to you anymore than you could single-handedly force him to marry you in the first place.

...and I want Bill Gates to give me $16 million to make my life easier; but it AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

You are making yourself crazy with wanting him to want you. With wanting him to stay married to you. With wanting him to change his mind JUST BECAUSE you want him to.

Don't know what to tell you because eventually you are just going to HAVE TO accept it. He WILL divorce you with or without your acceptance. You're just making yourself more miserable in the process.