Married in VA

Looking for an opinion,
Should by WW be allowed to see the kids? Looking for good points and bad associated with this. I am worried about what impact my WW lifestyle choices will have on my children and feel no contact is best for right now.

Ideas?

papa5280

It depends on what you mean by "lifestyle choices". To me, if that means drug use, irresponsible partying, etc., then it's a safety issue for the kids, and they should be protected from that.

If "lifestyle choices" means that she is choosing to sleep with someone you that isn't you, that's not grounds for denying the kids access to her.

So, I would have three questions in order to offer any meaningful advice:

1) What lifestyle choices are you referring to?
2) Is she willing and able to refrain from those choices when the kids are around? (This question depends on what the lifestyles are to begin with..if it's drugs, it doesn't matter. If it's her sexual partners you object to, then it might.)
2) How old are the kids? A three year old has both different needs and different processing skills than a 15 year old.

Married in VA

papa5280,
Drugs are one of the issues. She was arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor for allowing one of her revolving door love interests to give our daughter marijuana and didn't try to stop her from smoking it. She is also an alcoholic which concerns me as she will drink in front of the kids. Kids are 14, 11, and 5, all girls. Her "love interests" have never really been a problem except for the above incident. There are no court orders in place. After her arrest, I don't think she will do anything silly around them again. The kids live with me but I do allow her to visit with them usually with me there. In the above incident, I was not present and my 14 YO was having time with mom by themselves(so I thought).

SlowlyGettingWiser

The girls NEED a relationship with their mother. That being said, it DOESN'T have to be UNSUPERVISED visitation with them.

A) This wasn't 'silly.' It was stupid, DANGEROUS, and HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE behavior for ANY adult, much less their own mother.

B) You didn't think she would do anything like this THE FIRST TIME. But she did. Err on the side of caution. (Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.)

Offer to allow her supervised visitation to visit the girls at YOUR house (inside, backyard BBQ, whatever) or on neutral ground (park, pool, etc.) WITH THE PROVISO that she is to come ALONE. No boyfriends, no friends, no acquaintances. She is ostensibly there to see her daughters, and her daughters to see HER.

If she doesn't want to agree to the ground rules, or she violates ANY of them (she's sober, alone, there for the girls), then STOP the visit immediately and get a court order if necessary.

Married in VA

SGW,
I like this idea of supervised visitation. I will offer that. Thanks for the advice. She does not always make good decisions and is in the midst of what I would call a mid-life crisis. I think visits will be limited to family things together or supervised visits at my place. Thanks.

papa5280

the guy

You daughters are at great danger.
These guys could have a field day while your wife is passed out.....never ever leave daughters alone with your WW.

I would go as far as denying any visitation until she gets help and starts a 12 step program. Even with supervized visitation you continue to enable her.
This is your deal though and even though your not helping your wife any, you are at least thinking about the kids, and with that get them the help so they can deal with there mother in a healthy way.