Hey TAMs,
My divorce will be final in two weeks and I want to send my wife a goodbye letter, along with all of her sentimental things she's given me over the course of our 3yr marriage. To make a long story short she quit on me early on when things got rough and cheated, and lead me on while she was involved with the OM. She now lives with the OM, or near him, and occasionally tries to entice me to chase her.
I don't want to remember our flawed relationship anymore and feel it would be best if I let her know I'm no longer keeping the memory of her alive..... This is so she finally gets the message it's over and she's burned her bridge with me. No more cake eating!
I've been tweaking this letter for about a month now, going along with the "act as if you're perfectly happy" philosophy to both end things on respectable and assertive terms. I'm not going to treat her the same way she's treated me.... and in preparation for when her greener pastures with this loser don't pan out I want her to remember she gave up the far better man. I'm not dreaming of an R, but I'm not saying no years down the line when she's grown up.
I numbered the lines to keep things simpler and make every word more powerful in this hand written letter. Critique away!
............................
"Dear STBXW
#1 Chances are you don't want to talk to me so I wrote you this letter.... It may not mean much to you now but it will later.
#2 I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful years of my life we spent together, and for all you have done as my wife and best friend while we were married.
#3 Over those years I watched a you turn from a shy young lady into an independent and strong woman I was proud to call my wife.
#4 We both made mistakes we wish we could take back but in the end we were meant to be.
#5 So what's done is done and I thought you might like your things back.
#6 Even though things could have turned out better I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end.
Hey TAMs,
My divorce will be final in two weeks and I want to send my wife a goodbye letter, along with all of her sentimental things she's given me over the course of our 3yr marriage. To make a long story short she quit on me early on when things got rough and cheated, and lead me on while she was involved with the OM. She now lives with the OM, or near him, and occasionally tries to entice me to chase her.
I don't want to remember our flawed relationship anymore and feel it would be best if I let her know I'm no longer keeping the memory of her alive..... This is so she finally gets the message it's over and she's burned her bridge with me. No more cake eating!
I've been tweaking this letter for about a month now, going along with the "act as if you're perfectly happy" philosophy to both end things on respectable and assertive terms. I'm not going to treat her the same way she's treated me.... and in preparation for when her greener pastures with this loser don't pan out I want her to remember she gave up the far better man. I'm not dreaming of an R, but I'm not saying no years down the line when she's grown up.
I numbered the lines to keep things simpler and make every word more powerful in this hand written letter. Critique away!
............................
"Dear STBXW
#1 Chances are you don't want to talk to me so I wrote you this letter.... It may not mean much to you now but it will later.
#2 I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful years of my life we spent together, and for all you have done as my wife and best friend while we were married.
#3 Over those years I watched a you turn from a shy young lady into an independent and strong woman I was proud to call my wife.
#4 We both made mistakes we wish we could take back but in the end we were meant to be.
#5 So what's done is done and I thought you might like your things back.
#6 Even though things could have turned out better I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end.
#7 I forgive you and wish you the best.
Goodbye STBXW,
STBXH"
i get the sense from a letter like this that its not completely over. i think she will too.
on the day my divorce was final i did text her 'happy single-hood, adios' and that was it.
i sent similar messages to my exgf and thought i was letting go, what i realized later is that i was actually trying to hold on and get her to come back to me. i think it showed how weak i felt and how weak i was. needless to say, it was a waste of my time and emotion.
To me the letter sounds final and you are ending things with a positive note. It's good for you if you have let go. If you're going to send her this, make sure that there is zero contact after to follow through.
I read your statement that you wouldn't say no if she came back to you years later when she's grown up. I'm guessing in a few years you would have met someone else and she'll be far from your mind. I hope so. I hope you find the peace to move on.
That's just the thing, we've broken up.... said "I never want to speak to you ever again!"..... and made up dozens of times throughout this divorce. In the past when I was weaker, each time I waffled I got crumbs of attention and ploys to stroke her ego. She just called last Tuesday but I was in no mood for her crap. I am done with her!
The thing about my wife is that she has never been broken up with and still tries to remain friends with past exes. These guys are the biggest of losers and still chase after her from time to time just stroking her ego even more..... f*ck that! I'd rather kill myself than chase after this ungreatful b*tch.
I've had experience with breaking up using a nice but assertive style and 4 out of 5 practically begged to come back, but I was done with them. I mean I will always love her just as I can remember and feel love for past exes, but like you said I am not going to wait for her or blow off a healthy relationship to be with her.
I am taking the initiative to assert myself here and end things nicely with her, which is more than she deserves. I am dead serious about not wanting contact with her which is why I am sending her crap back..... I don't care what it costs she needs to see I can do the same things she did to me and I will not reserve a place for her.
She blew the last opportunity for me to stay casual in her life when she encouraged me to kill myself. I have no lingering respect for her after regaining my confidence and seeing her as she really is a QUITTER and cheater. I did not deserve to cheated on and the very least I need some space and time to forget.
You sound so much better off without her. If the letter is what you need to say goodbye, then do it. When I read it, it sounded final so hopefully she doesn't read anything into it. No contact definitely. It's over. Time for you to move on and see what wonderful things are up ahead in your new road
Guess what, I did a little research tonight and found a pic of her kissing the OM.... TWENTY-ONE DAYS BEFORE OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY!. No way am I giving her a second chance.
Guess what, I did a little research tonight and found a pic of her kissing the OM.... TWENTY-ONE DAYS BEFORE OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY!. No way am I giving her a second chance.
That would have hurt. Be happy you are moving on. Try not to research anything, or look up old stuff. I know it's hard, but you need to find a way to move on. Let her be someone else's problem. You deserve better, and you won't find her until you're ready. For now, make time for you. I'm sorry for your pain It doesn't matter how far people are down the road, things still hurt.
Don't worry I already bookmarked that page long ago and look at it whenever I feel tempted or she tries to pull me back. It's what helps me have contempt for her. I wanted to send her that pic with a nasty message but at the last minute I stopped myself. I don't have it in me to be viscious, but damn it she needs to see this letter along with all her broken promises at her feet.
I gave her too many chances already and I am strong enough to overlook her affairs, but she is not worth the hassle anymore and if she lead me on and cheated that early I don't know if she ever was.
#1) I'm not sure what exactly you're trying to accomplish with this letter. Are you trying to tell her:
A) That you truly forgive her, wish her well, and will honestly remember the GOOD times (only) fondly?
B) That you are deeply hurt by her betrayal, wish things could/would have been different, and hope that someday she comes to her senses and realizes what she gave up (whether she wants to return or not)?
C) That you are angry and bitter over her betrayal (since the first year of marriage) and want nothing more to do with her ever?
...because I see some of A,B & C in that letter. It sends contradictory messages, in my opinion (55yo woman). That will make it difficult for her to get your intended message.
#2) The 'things' you want to send back to her, are they her personal property or are they things she gave to you over the years?
This is more of a sweet kiss off letter than anything. I just want to tell her "hey, it's been swell but the swelling gone down.... take care and have a good life". I thought I should end this on a good note and wish her well, not make this some 15 page essay about how hurt I felt, or a pink slip.
I'm giving back sentimental letters and love notes, a teddy bear, and some of the first gifts she has ever given me. Her diaries... There may be a few clothes of hers in storage too. I just can keep any reminders of her around after everything she's done to me. I may hold onto one thing but that's it.
If the letter heals you, then do it. Forget how it comes across or what she might read into it. If it's what you need to move on, then do it. And after you send it and her things, make sure you do take the steps to move on. Let it all go. It's not always easy, but in time if you have no contact and don't let her back in, the thoughts and feelings will start to ease. Then you can look forward to whatever life has in store for you next.
This isn't the end. It's your new beginning Life is what you make it.
No no no, I just numbered evey sentence because I wanted to keep this down to ten sentences or less. Certainly not going to write this letter as it is here.
I wasn't sure about that first line but I decided it would work better to assume she would hold onto it.
#1 Chances are you don't want to talk to me so I wrote you this letter.... It may not mean much to you now but it will later.
#2 I just wanted to thank you for the wonderful years of my life we spent together, and for all you have done as my wife and best friend while we were married.
#3 Over those years I watched a you turn from a shy young lady into an independent and strong woman I was proud to call my wife.
#4 We both made mistakes we wish we could take back but in the end we were meant to be.
#5 So what's done is done and I thought you might like your things back.
#6 Even though things could have turned out better I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end.
#7 I forgive you and wish you the best.
Goodbye STBXW,
STBXH"
Alright, I'll put in my $0.02
1 This sentence is unnecessary, "It may not mean much to you now but it will later." It sounds like you are trying to manipulate her to feel bad about the future.
2 & 3 are ok
4 Unnecessary statement. "In the end, we were meant to be?" Don't say that.
5 is ok
6 Instead of "Even though things could have turned out better I'm glad everything worked out for you in the end." say this, "Even though things could have turned out better I'm glad everything worked out for us in the end." You are also better, not just her.
7 She doesn't need forgiveness (she need @ss whoopping). Don't tell her you forgive her. Tell her, "You did what you did, because you have your reasons. I won't hold it against you. Wish you the best of luck with your decision."
17Likes
Critique my D letter please! 
Re: Critique my D letter please! 
It doesn't matter how far people are down the road, things still hurt.
