Well, it’s been one of those days or weeks… thougths of my ex husband with his new found love, choosing her.. Him choosing a life without me . He’s even pressuring me for money when he has neglected
to pay child support in a year and has spent minimum of time with his children for the last 10 months. Instead of thinking of the very fact that he has left me all the responsibilities of our children, financially and everything, now he wants money from me too..
Even though I see now what kind of person he has turned out to be..even though I know he is a miserable person and that I deserve better than this, I am at my lowest point of my life. I cry my self to sleep often. The feeling of abandonment is so painful. I have some good days. I have days of gratitude when I watch my children. All the moments I share with them. I would’nt trade them for anything in the world..
I know in the long run I’m better of without him and that one day he will regret the very fact that he left behind his family. That he left all the responsibilities to me when he decided to check out. I know that a person like that will never be truly happy. I just hope that this pain will end soon. I pray to God all the time that he will make this feeling of misery go away.. It’s soooo hard. I guess it the feeling of rejection, abandonment, that he turned his back on us.
The other day he emailed me.. He wrote that he only wants the best for me and that I deserve the best in life. He wrote that he
meant it from the bottom of his heart. Was that suppose to make me feel better???
If he really wants the best for me, he would never, never have pressured me for more money when he has neglected to pay child support of a year now.
You just don’t take more money from the mother of you children when you know that she has'nt asked you for ONE dime and knowing she's trying to make
ends meet everyday for herself and your children. If he wants what's best for me he would have never never bragged about his new found love in my face.
If you want the best for someone you don’t hurt them more than you already have.
My friends keeps telling me not to be angry at him or not to cry over him, but rather feel sorry for him. Beacause he has serious problems with him self and that he is
a miserable person. A happy person would never have done what he has done and that he will regret that one day. They tell me he has lost his dignity and has no moral
values and that he knows this very well.
I could never have done what he has done. All marriages has problems..ups and downs. I know that I too have made mistakes in our marriage as he has, but
I could never ever have cheated on him.. To this day its impossible for me to picture me with another man.. I would never have abandoned him. and I would have
walked with him all the way. Marriage is not about blame, its about commitment.
end i know its tough- my story is somewhat similar to yours. But i say its ok to be angry, it helped me get over him. Are you in counseling or on some medication for anxiety/depression? These things really helped me out during the hard times.
unsure, I've not been to counseling or on medication. I'm considering counseling... It's been so much lately..I work full time and have all the responsibilities for my children...everything. Sometimes when I feel I'm about to break down, I remind my self of the children. Who will take care of them if I totally break down? I have my mother who helps me out with the kids sometimes..
It helps alot to get angry, or remind my self the fact that HE is the one loosing in the end..that he in the future will regret what he left behind. It's just sooo though...how I wish this pain would go away.. Its been for a while now
I feel your pain and you NEED to think of yourself because who will take care of your kids? I highly suggest counseling/meds or both they have helped a lot of us here deal with all of this- especially if you have been in the pain for a while now.
I can relate to your feelings. Sometimes, it is just too tough. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I really don't know how many get through this. It seems insurmountable.
My better days are when I have the children. At least someone will be at my place. We all laugh and talk to one another.
Way back when we could never have imagined our lives turning out this way. Could you have imagined your husband cheating on you and leaving you? I'm constantly reminded that nothing in this life is certain (apart from death and taxes).
I'm hoping that as time progresses, I will get stronger. Stronger than I am now. I have to find myself. As I sit here at work, I don't think I want to do this profession anymore. I only chose it and worked to support family. Now that that's crumbling, maybe I should look at other career choices.
The pain is intense because I am willing to do whatever I can to save/improve my marriage, while my wife remains disengaged, enjoying her independent lifestyle.
Focus on getting through this hour. Then this morning. Then this evening. then a day. Etc.
Jayb, are you and your wife still legally married?
You're right..the children are the one that keeps you "alive"..
No, jayb...I never imagened that my husband and I would end up like this..I never thought he could do all the things he have done to me lately..never.. I think back before I met him, I really did'nt want to get married.. not that I did'nt belive in marriage, but I saw alot of close people around me got divorced. I saw people hurt when they divorced and I got scared.. I thought marriage was a commitment for life..but I saw people get divorce like its no big deal... When I met my husband, he wanted to get married, he wanted kids right away..I did'nt at first... but he convinced me..
But look at me now...5 years later..he just left us behind.. No, I never imagened that he would do this since he was the one who convinced me to marry him and start a family together..
I pray everyday to God for Him heal my heart.
Be well jayb..we have to stay strong and try and focus on great things we already have in life..
" I cried when I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet "
I am also going through the pain of separation. Like Jay said, I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I just want it to go away and smile and be happy again.
It's all I think about 24/7. I'm not working now so all of this idle time is reaking havoc on me. In the meantime, I'm sure he's not upset at all because this is what HE wanted. He is moving out next week, so I'm sure that will stir up even more emotions, but I'm going to try to not let him see me upset.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully it will get better for you soon.
jenny123, your're right dont show him that you're
upset...If HE REALLY wants this, dont beg him to stay..even if it hurts like hell.
When my husband decided to leave last year...I let him leaveeven though it was and still painful...I try soooo hard not to show him how hurt I really am, beacause God knows all the pain he has put me through. I belive in karma..I've seen it my self.. What you give in life is what you get back..that's for sure.. You get what you deserve eventually.
I know I wont stoop to his level.. I wont cheat now or in the future.. When you me and others have healed, we are left with our dignity and our moral values.. That's what matters...
I still love my husband, but he is not the man I fell inlove with anymore. I real man would never neglect his children no matter what.. A man would never pressure his children's mother for money when he knows that she is trying so hard to make ends meet every single day for herself and their children beacause he is not paying ONE dime in child support. He should be ashamed of himself !!!
Jayb, are you and your wife still legally married?
You're right..the children are the one that keeps you "alive"..
No, jayb...I never imagened that my husband and I would end up like this..I never thought he could do all the things he have done to me lately..never.. I think back before I met him, I really did'nt want to get married.. not that I did'nt belive in marriage, but I saw alot of close people around me got divorced. I saw people hurt when they divorced and I got scared.. I thought marriage was a commitment for life..but I saw people get divorce like its no big deal... When I met my husband, he wanted to get married, he wanted kids right away..I did'nt at first... but he convinced me..
But look at me now...5 years later..he just left us behind.. No, I never imagened that he would do this since he was the one who convinced me to marry him and start a family together..
I pray everyday to God for Him heal my heart.
Be well jayb..we have to stay strong and try and focus on great things we already have in life..
" I cried when I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet "
Still legally married, but going on 10 months physically separated. Divorce mediation proceedings will pick up in May after a 90 day holding period (tried marriage counseling to no avail).
I'm not sure either of us knew what we wanted when we got married, when we had children, etc. Just felt the pressure of "that's what everyone does." And, as a product of divorce, I swore up and down I would never put my children through it. However, we both changed during the marriage and communication between us stagnated, while fulfilling the family role.
The difference between my parents' divorce and ours is that my wife and I get along and we are both actively involved in our childrens lives. By all accounts, our marriage was a good one.
What pains me, like you, is that I will do anything to save the marriage. I have already recognized my faults and apologized for my failures. It's that our partners are so unwilling. No more chances, just move on, deserve someone better, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, I have no hope, our love died.....on and on.
She's willing to break my heart. She's willing to break her childrens' heart. All with the hopes of her finding "happiness."
I am also going through the pain of separation. Like Jay said, I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I just want it to go away and smile and be happy again.
It's all I think about 24/7. I'm not working now so all of this idle time is reaking havoc on me. In the meantime, I'm sure he's not upset at all because this is what HE wanted. He is moving out next week, so I'm sure that will stir up even more emotions, but I'm going to try to not let him see me upset.
I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully it will get better for you soon.
Don't let him see you upset. I made that error with my wife a few times and all it did was stir her guilt so that she withdrew/ran away faster.
jenny123, your're right dont show him that you're
upset...If HE REALLY wants this, dont beg him to stay..even if it hurts like hell.
When my husband decided to leave last year...I let him leaveeven though it was and still painful...I try soooo hard not to show him how hurt I really am, beacause God knows all the pain he has put me through. I belive in karma..I've seen it my self.. What you give in life is what you get back..that's for sure.. You get what you deserve eventually.
I know I wont stoop to his level.. I wont cheat now or in the future.. When you me and others have healed, we are left with our dignity and our moral values.. That's what matters...
I still love my husband, but he is not the man I fell inlove with anymore. I real man would never neglect his children no matter what.. A man would never pressure his children's mother for money when he knows that she is trying so hard to make ends meet every single day for herself and their children beacause he is not paying ONE dime in child support. He should be ashamed of himself !!!
same with my wife. I grasp at a past version of my wife, in happier times. But, she is not that person anymore. I am sure she could say the same about me. But, why am I wasting so much time pining over someone who hasn't been in years??
Still legally married, but going on 10 months physically separated. Divorce mediation proceedings will pick up in May after a 90 day holding period (tried marriage counseling to no avail).
I'm not sure either of us knew what we wanted when we got married, when we had children, etc. Just felt the pressure of "that's what everyone does." And, as a product of divorce, I swore up and down I would never put my children through it. However, we both changed during the marriage and communication between us stagnated, while fulfilling the family role.
The difference between my parents' divorce and ours is that my wife and I get along and we are both actively involved in our childrens lives. By all accounts, our marriage was a good one.
What pains me, like you, is that I will do anything to save the marriage. I have already recognized my faults and apologized for my failures. It's that our partners are so unwilling. No more chances, just move on, deserve someone better, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, I have no hope, our love died.....on and on.
She's willing to break my heart. She's willing to break her childrens' heart. All with the hopes of her finding "happiness."
Like I wrote earlier..it's never about blame, it's all about commitment. Commitment to the life you both created..You are a good father...You dont turn your back on the responsibilities you have for your children even though you go through a difficult time.
My children's father does'nt even know the name of their doctor or the name of their daycare center. He has completly checked out for his children's lives. It hurts when my 4 year old asked where her daddy is.. But after a while I remind my self that he is the one with a huge problem..
I've decided to let him go if he wants to go.. I asked him a few times to give us a chance but he saids no. I wont beg him or cry in front of him...even if it hurt sooo badly.. even if the pain is so intense. Even though I know he is with his new girl, I wont beg him, argue with him.. I just wished him all the luck with his new found love...even though I did'nt mean it. The first time he told me about this girl,, he did'nt get any reaction from me.. I just said: Good luck to the both of you and I walked away.. I guess that was not the reaction he was looking for, so he came back a few days later and rubbed it even more in my face about how wonderful she is and that he is going to marry her one day...That is when I cried out of hurt. I guess that's the reaction he was looking for...
It's hard but we to let them go..it wont help to convince them to stay with us..They have to realize that on their own...
In the mean time, we HAVE TO BE STRONG..and find the strength within us. I pray alot and that also helps
Today I have cried several times.. I keep praying to God for strength..but still I cant seem to find it.. Mentally I am gone..In my own thoughts all the time. I keep thinking and thinking...asking and asking how HE could do this to me? So it's been one of those days again. Can't help myself, I feel so lost.. Sometime's I wonder how I manage to take care of my two daughter's . I'm only here psysicly but mentally, I am gone.
But I know now that there is no turning back.. I've realized that now. I know that he has moved on, but IF he one day want to come back, I know that I wont be able to forgive him for what he has done..
It's so wierd...one day I'm angry, then sad, then bitter, then hopeful and so on..
One of those days 
