04-26-2012, 01:32 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | Re: I'm a mess so hurt
Originally Posted by Toby
I need some advice as to why my husband is running and hideing from this separation. Is this normal? To explain he was not having an affair but deep into porn and also suffers from a whole lot of mental issues. After I left for a few days to cool things down, he went nuts bought a truck, stocked the fridge with beer and I'm sure he porned to death.
Been married 23 years and he says he does not want a divorce. He blames me [ of course] for my anger and says he cant handle the fighting. He has moved in with a women that is gay but has a son.
When he left he said he would be back and forth because he has his work tools here. Well he has just fallen off the face of the earth. When we do try and talk he is very clossed off and just not nice. This behavior is so confussing to me. He says he is having a very hard time with all of this. I feel when I see him that he is blamming me. He has told me that this is all his fault, but his actions are not matching.
I had to file legal separation as he is going back into debt, just got out of a BK in Jan. He has left us with no money, house is going back to bank, and I have health issues.
He will not call or answer me and we have so much un finished business. Why do spouses do this??
I feel he is bitter at me and the truth is I have been a devoted wife, took 5 years to help him on his feet after a stroke. I am so very hurt. He wont even answer my sons calls. Please anyone in my shoes. I hate this limbo. Thanks Toby
Toby: I've been where you are now. We went thru a BK and gave the house back to the bank and my husband couldn't handle it. It tore him up inside, he was so ashamed and felt like a failure. It just added incredible stress to our relationship on top of everything else that was going wrong.
He went out trying to buy a sports car, moved out to a buddy's house and drank booze night and day, and hooked up with some chicks for company.
I feel sorry for him, he's hurting real bad, but I can't fix his problems and he has closed himself off from me emotionally. A few days ago he said he wants to file for divorce. I did not fight him, even though I don't want a divorce, but he has to work himself out. I can't make him think or feel a certain way.