How can you love someone so much, but not want to be with them? Taken so much, that you lost feelings for them, but the love is still strong - like family. You don't want to lose them, but you can't be with them.
When you figure it out please let me know because that's what my husband tells me he feels. Posted via Mobile Device
I think Bandit (welcome back) is spot on you might be afraid of change.
What you describe is very much like my ex and I. We had a very intense toxic relationship, we loved to hate each other. We can't live together, yet I think we both miss each other as well. Just today we laughed and actually joked around like old times....grrrr, sometimes you have to just let go and be happy.
Fear of the unknown can't be any worse than being miserable.
Working_together - did you have doubts about leaving, because if you miss each other, there's some sort of a connection, right? Posted via Mobile Device
It's more about focusing on myself right? I'm having a hard time. It seems like something that should happen after D. Can it help me now? Help me make a decision? Posted via Mobile Device
Well we are separated. He travels for work too. He got back on Friday. We do not stay together. I'm staying at my parents. We talk on the phone and text everyday. On Saturday, we went to dinner. It was nice, but just not the same. We're very good friends and have love for each other, but no intimacy.
While he is traveling, I stay at our house because we have a large dog. We both agreed that it was best. I cleaned the entire house. When I showed up he hadn't taken the garbage out, dishes piled in the sink, no food, no toilet paper, shoes and laundry everywhere, a pipe leaking with a bucket underneath. Even with all that, I still miss my home. I put so much into it.
We both said last weekend if we were just dating, we wouldn't be together. I know he doesn't want to lose me, I feel like I'm abandoning him. Ugh...I'm just terrified. It's nice to not feel alone though. Posted via Mobile Device
In mid January. I made the decision. We separated once in September and I came back to work on things after many promises from him. Nothing changed. I tried to talk to him about it in January over the phone (because he was traveling) and he didn't want to listen or talk to me. I tried to tell him how I was still unhappy and we had been trying. He basically flipped out, said "let's just get a divorce then and when we do, i never want to see or speak to you ever again," then he shut off his phone. I knew he had a flight, but he left it like that. I fell apart. I had been tryin and for him to just toss that around after I was just trying to tell him how I was feeling killed me. I actually had IC scheduled right after that. I was distraught. I ended up calling my parents. I packed up some stuff and left. When he landed (5 hrs later or so) he texted me asking if I wanted him to pick up food. He completely ignored what had happened. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm so sorry your going through this. On the other side of the coin, in our own marriage, it was the sex that was good but every other aspect was crap.
We both felt that it was the sex that was the glue and even after years of abuse and infidelity me and Mrs. the_guy seemed to have that intimate connection.
After 20 years it came to a head 2 years ago when we found some one to teach us both how to have healthier behaviors as individuals and we shared these behaviors with one another.
I really don't have a point but I do know that we tried everything to make it work and we both have a better marriage for it.
Now flip the coin back over;
You guys are good together, sound alot healthier then my old marriage but you can't make love........start with sex ...just sex and see if it Can grow?
IDK....fake it until you make it! It just sucks that you guys can't figure it out. Sorry I wish I had better advice.
He said he took me for granted and didn't appreciate me. I asked him why he basically stopped talking to me for like 2 years and he said "I was busy with other things." he said he understood why I left and that we would fix it.
We tried to have more dates. But, I didn't need more dinners. I wanted intimate conversation. Ugh. I remember laying in bed with him at 730 on a Friday night. It was shortly after I went back ome. He asked if I wanted to o out to the bar with friends. I said no. We kept watching tv and at 9, he jumped out of bed and started changing. I asked where he was going and he said he was going out. I must have given him a look because he was like "what? I asked you if you wanted to go and you said no."
So much resentment has set in...on both our parts Posted via Mobile Device
He pays the mortgage, I pay all other bills. We bought the house before we were married, even though we both moved in the same day. The house is in his name. We never combined our finances, so it stayed that way even now that he makes double what I do. When we moved in, we made about the same.
I feel love, but not intimacy...I feel like he misses me being around, watching tv, playing with the dog, etc. lack of intimacy has been for a VERY long time. He said he was trying really hard when I went back, but I couldn't feel it. Could be the pressure and resentment.
I will be as open as I need to be. He wants to have a serious talk this week and I feel so unprepared. Posted via Mobile Device
When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean a bond, an understanding. Knowing how each other feels by the sound of their voice or a look in their eyes. I believe with intimacy, there is love. It didn't seem as important to me before. I mean, I was marrying my best friend! Someone I could spend hours having fun with. That lack of "intimate bond" has reaked havoc on me. Thought it would just come...I know I sound like a fool. Posted via Mobile Device
When I say intimacy, I don't mean sex. I mean a bond, an understanding. Knowing how each other feels by the sound of their voice or a look in their eyes. I believe with intimacy, there is love. It didn't seem as important to me before. I mean, I was marrying my best friend! Someone I could spend hours having fun with. That lack of "intimate bond" has reaked havoc on me. Thought it would just come...I know I sound like a fool. Posted via Mobile Device
How much time are/were you spending together? You mentioned he travels for work which makes it 10x worser for the condition ya'll are in.
13Likes
