Love him, but don't want to be with him - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 10:47 AM Thread Starter
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Love him, but don't want to be with him

How can you love someone so much, but not want to be with them? Taken so much, that you lost feelings for them, but the love is still strong - like family. You don't want to lose them, but you can't be with them.
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post #2 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 11:06 AM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

My brother had a similar relationship.

Married, divorced, started dating again, they got preganant, married again, then divorced

My wife pegged it perfectly. They love each other but can't live together
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post #3 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 11:11 AM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Originally Posted by bluebeauty View Post
How can you love someone so much, but not want to be with them?

You don't want to lose them, but you can't be with them.
Because LOVE isn't everything.
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post #4 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 11:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Because LOVE isn't everything.
You wouldn't believe how many people have said that to me. You are one smart lady.

Why can't I seem to get that? Fear of being alone? Fear of failure? Fear of regret? Until I understand that love isn't everything, I'm afraid I won't be able to move forward...it's so scary.
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post #5 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 11:21 AM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Originally Posted by bluebeauty View Post
You wouldn't believe how many people have said that to me. You are one smart lady.

Why can't I seem to get that? Fear of being alone? Fear of failure? Fear of regret? Until I understand that love isn't everything, I'm afraid I won't be able to move forward...it's so scary.
Have you been to counseling?

The only source for the answers to these questions is staring at you in the mirror.
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post #6 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 11:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Have you been to counseling?

The only source for the answers to these questions is staring at you in the mirror.
Yes, every week.
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post #7 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 12:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Originally Posted by *Dean* View Post
So what are you afraid of?

Are you afraid of really living life and being happy.
Posted via Mobile Device
I guess I just know what I have if I stay where I am. It could be better, but it could be worse. I sound like a coward/idiot and I know that. I am a very successful woman, but this whole thing just brings me to my knees. I don't know why I am so weak.
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post #8 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

he's not happy, but he won't do anything about it. he'd rather have me like this, than not at all...his words..
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post #9 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 12:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

on both of our parts...

My parents feel helpless, they just want me to be happy...
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post #10 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 12:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

thanks Dean for your thoughts. Much appreciated!
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post #11 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 01:08 PM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

I'm in the process of getting divorced. One thing I've learned is exactly what you've been told -- love is not everything. I actually believe now which is something I thought was not true that you can be much happier with someone you have chemistry with, share intersts with, get along, someone who dances the dance of life without stepping on your toes and not be in love than being in love with someone who you just have nothing in common with and don't understand each other. Good luck blue. You deserve to be happy, don't settle for less.
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post #12 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

thank you Lifescript. I appreciate your kind words.
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post #13 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 03:28 PM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

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Originally Posted by bluebeauty View Post
You wouldn't believe how many people have said that to me. You are one smart lady.

Why can't I seem to get that? Fear of being alone? Fear of failure? Fear of regret? Until I understand that love isn't everything, I'm afraid I won't be able to move forward...it's so scary.


It took me a long time (5 1/2 months) to finally get over all of the fears that you just listed. Give it time. Eventually you will get over all the fears and be ok. Trust me!
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post #14 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 03:31 PM
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

Sounds like your husband is scared of change. You both are, but you are torturing each other by dragging it out.

You may have to suck it up and be the bad guy and file for the divorce. Put this dying horse out of its misery. Your husband may be angry with you for a long time, but eventually he will see you did it for both of you.

Move on.
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post #15 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-27-2012, 03:47 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Love him, but don't want to be with him

Thank you for the link. Hopefully I can become a stronger person. I am very much a creature of habit. Turning my whole world upside down (even though I kind of have already by separating) terrifys me.
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